DatingAdvice.comhasnamed, "Buck Up, Princess," as one of the year's "10 Best Intergenerational Dating Sites." The rankings were published this morning. DatingAdvice.com describes, "Buck Up, Princess" as, 'Bragging Rights:breaks beyond the stereotype of the “daddy.” Buck Up, Princess offers dating advice specifically aimed at the gay community, authored from the perspective of an older man interested in younger men. With a funny and proud approach, the site offers a fuller view in a community where May-December pairings are quite common. Topics like “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” detail the joys and hardships that often accompany love.'
Lately I've been experiencing more of the hardships than the joys when it comes to love. Ironically, this emphasis on the hardships has made me hesitant about writing. Nobody wants to read downbeat, egomaniacal drivel all the time. But, it is true that the goal is to present a warts and all view of dating intergenerationally. I just there are some, '...and all' experiences on their way, rather than those involving warts. At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
It is hard for me to admit but I recently had a bit of a an emotional meltdown. At my age (50), you'd think I'd have everything figured out to the point that this sort of stuff no longer happened to me. Alas, I can't speak for other old dudes, but this old dude clearly doesn't have it all figured out.
While away on Annual Training (reserve speak for the 'two weeks' military reservists are required to perform every year), the loss of my relationship with Sam (my former, young man) hit me like a sledge hammer. Crazy, I know. I mean, it has been almost two years (16 August is the second anniversary of our parting of the ways), but I still miss the big dork and what we shared every day. Every single, gosh darned day.
Okay, there were multiple factors that led up to the meltdown: exhaustion (working 12 hour shifts, sleeping...or not as was the case...in a noisy, hot barracks room); sick (I have asthma. Whenever I travel someplace where I shuttle between air conditioned work and living spaces...we don't DO air conditioning here in Seattle...I get a respiratory infection); being called 'stupid' by a subordinate but still. I was completely shocked at the extend of the meltdown.
So, what set the event off? Whilst looking up pictures of my house on Facebook (I am having an extensive energy renovation conducted and I needed to answer a question by the contractor about the new windows I'd ordered), I unintentionally clicked on Sam's Facebook page. While I am hardly a Luddite, I am not good with the technology including the Facebook, so I often
miss-click on stuff unintentionally, when I am trying to do something
else.
What did I see? I saw his profile picture...a picture which includes his new boyfriend. When I saw it, I blanched. During our time together, I never
appeared in his profile picture, nor was I ever referenced as having
meant anything more important to him than being just a friend. My first
thought, irrational, though it may have been, was that he loves the new guy more then he'd ever loved me, that his relationship with him is more
important, more enriching, just plain, 'more' than was ours. I have no
rational reason nor right to be upset about this, I just was. Ridiculous,
I know. Silly, unreasonable, borderline irrational, still I almost
burst into tears whilst sitting at my watch station. I literally had to get up, walk out of the building in which I was working, into the parking lot, so that I could weep. Which I did, on and off for about three hours.
I hate
doing things which I worry will damage what respect he has for
me. I mean, it was my butch, military officer/Daddy persona with which he fell in love. Not the emotionally scarred weepy little bitch like which I was acting.
Since he left, my romantic life has been to say the least, 'unfulfilling.' This lack of fulfillment, causes me, to reminisce about the old days. How happy I was and how much I lost when he went away to graduate school. Seeing his so happy and playful with his new boyfriend, made me feel as if our time together had become but a distant, blurry
memory of an insignificant, transitory period in his life.
I try to avoid doing stuff that will enhance my appearance as a
ridiculous, old man hung up on a romance long ended. But, I don't always succeed.
I am very happy for him and glad for his personal and professional success. I am proud of him and wouldn't change, even with all of the pain I continue to feel over its ending, a second of our time together. During our time together, I truly did love him with all of my heart. And, to some extent I always will. I am glad that his life
has moved on, but in my weaker moments, I worry that he no longer remembers the passion and
intimacy we shared. I also get that the context of our relationship has
changed, so he's moved passed having the rare feeling of missing
me, or waking up, wishing it was me lying next to him.
Unfortunately for me, though, I haven't been as
successful at moving passed those things. On a day like the one on which I had my meltdown, I sure
wish that I had. My therapist tells me that I cannot predict the future. Perhaps I will find love again. I hope so. But as time passes, it seems ever less likely.
In a recent conversation, when discussing this stuff, Sam made some comment along the lines of, 'okay, you aren't having success at dating now....' What he can't understand, being so young, is that at this age, 'now' is what of which I most have. Finding love at any age is hard. At this stage in my life, realistically, there aren't that many years left for me to keep having extended periods of singleness.
Don't get me wrong, as that wise prophet, Whitney Houston once wrote, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy." I would, really. But lately it doesn't seem like I have much choice in the matter.
At least (today, anyway) that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Living in Seattle as I do, I can confirm that the reputed 9 months of dreary rain does wears on me. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't rain EVERY day for nine months and most of the time when it is 'raining,' it is really just gray and/or drizzly. Still, month upon month upon month does take its toll.
This Summer has been kind of unique: we've had great weather basically since May. I mean, sunny, warm, clear, dry. It's been great. Of course, the two weeks I spent on Active Duty down in San Diego were two of the most glorious weeks of such weather up here and two of the gloomiest, muggiest, down there.
Anyway, it has been a little rainy this last couple of days, sort of a preview of the upcoming Fall. Oddly, for someone who wearies of the rain, I've been happy to see it. The garden at little house at the big lake has been calling for some moisture. Since I try to be green, I avoid watering if at all possible.
The reason I bought the little house at the big lake, despite the decrepit shape it was in and despite the fact that my ex lives only 80 feet away, was the great view of the big lake from my bedroom. I am not 'on' the big lake, alas, but my house being located at the highest point in the street, I see above the houses and trees located between my house and the big lake. Granted, the lesbians recently ruined part of my view. But then, you KNOW how are those guys. All in all, the view is great. I can literally see the big lake while lying in bed, without even having to raise my head much above the pillow.
A city renown for its rainy
climate, Seattle and environs rarely experience thunder and lightning. So when
it happens, it is sort of a treat. The other night such a treat
occurred.
I was awakened in the middle of the night, probably by the crazy dog with whom I share the little house. Awake, looking up from
bed, I could see across the big lake and off into the foothills, shrouded in clouds. Behind the clouds, I could see flashes of lightning. It was eerie and beautiful.
I only wish I had my own, personal lad with whom to share it.As grand as was the experience, being able to hold someone I loved, sharing the beauty and the grandeur would have been the experience all the more special.
"Daddy Days," a newly annual event sponsored by the gay social nextwork Daddyhunt, will kick off tomorrow, Aug. 10, at several different locations across Provincetown. A week-long event intended to be a celebration of gay men of all
ages, "Daddy Days" will feature dinners, parties, dances, tea-rooms, and
performances. The epicenter of the event will be at Crew’s Quarters on
Commercial Street. In reference to Daddyhunt's purpose in hosting the "Daddy Days"
event, Javier Cobo, Community Director for Daddyhunt, said in a
statement sent to the Huffington Post:
We wanted to find a way to bring together the strong,
smart men who helped build the gay community we know today... We've seen
historic changes in the past few years politically, and it’s time for
us to realize we're maturing as a community as well. Love and sex aren’t
limited by age. With Daddy Days, we’re hoping to bring together not
only daddies and daddy hunters, but guys that enjoy a broader definition
of community.
According to it's founders, Daddyhunt was established in 2005 as a
social networking site for gay men over the age of 40 who felt excluded
from more mainstream online dating sites. In an age where dating and
forging connections between gay men is accelerating quickly
into the digital sphere, the influence and significance of gay social
networks seems to be much more a reality rather than a trend. Within
this shift, gay men, often guilty of discrimination within their own community,
have been known to force one another into different preference-based
social networks for different "types" of gay men. Hence, the need for
gay social networking sites that cater specifically to older gay men,
but also Daddyhunt's attempt to understand community in less narrow
terms. Despite the target demographic for the "Daddy Days" event, founders
emphasized that this week is intended to be a celebration for gay men of
all ages. “These may be the first Daddy Days,” said Cobo, “But we’re
looking forward to many more years ahead.” For more information on "Daddy Days," visit Daddyhunt's website. Below, view a slideshow of photos from previous Daddyhunt events.
It is great to see that Daddies (well not me, alas, but Daddies in general) are getting their due. Back in my day, whodda thunk it?
"There is a plethora of resources for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or
Transgender) individuals to connect, find local events and raise support
for understanding and equality on the web. Google Plus has become a
popular forum to for exchanging ideas and opinions, and is fast becoming
a place to find great information on LGBT issues. From the lighthearted
dating and friend-finding pages to the political causes rallying for
equality and rights for all, here are some top Google Plus pages that
are worth following. We hope you find them topical and entertaining."
