THE BEST OF BUCK UP, PRINCESS 2

Author's note: sometimes it is good to go back and revisit previous writings to see if they still hold up and to see if, given perspective (and wider readership), new questions or comments will arise from readers. Over the next couple of weeks I'll be re-running some pieces from the early days of my blog, in addition to some new pieces, so some long term readers may have already read the re-runs. Whether or not you've done so, I encourage you to comment on either the new or old pieces.

POINT: NOTE TO HUNTERS #2: NOT ALL DADDIES ARE THE SAME (TASTES, INTERESTS, NEEDS, DESIRES)
Gay culture, not unlike other cultures, is often perceived to be all about stereotypes. This is never truer than in any of the 'named' cultures (Bear, Leather, S&M, etc.). The ‘Daddy/Hunter’ community is no different. As a Daddy who spends a lot of time, much too much time, I have to admit, online chatting, I get frustrated when I hear perfectly attractive and high quality Hunters bemoaning the fact they can’t find a Daddy to date because they aren’t…insert stereotypical ‘boy’ requirement here: young, slender, smooth, tall, athletic, etc. Really, boys and girls, Daddies don't all expect, require, or desire the same things. All you need to do is spend 5 minutes perusing the Daddy profiles online, preferably on Daddyhunt, of course, but online on any Daddy/Hunter site will do, to see that, just like Daddies exist in all different shapes and sizes, Daddies have every different kind of taste and interest imaginable. You can find profiles of Daddies looking for girlie boys, masculine boys, tall boys, short boys, hairy boys, smooth boys, smart boys, shy boys, rough boys, boys of color, and on and on and on. Sure, lots of Daddies seem to prefer only younger, smoother, etc., but not all. Not every Daddy lives up to the presumed stereotype. Not all Daddies spend their entire lives chronically in search of some 'perfect' boy who meets some idealized, unrealistic standard. Okay, I admit, Daddies do tend to prefer that the Hunters they desire find older guys appealing, but then, who of us doesn’t want to be thought of as sexy? I know THIS DADDY certainly does. Not all Daddies have some unreasonable expectation that any boy they pursue be both perfect and static (i.e. always looking young and hot, etc.). Okay, stereotypes exist for a reason. Sometimes, maybe more than sometimes, people live up to one stereotype or another. Most people don’t. The trick is finding a way for the ‘right’ Daddy to meet the ‘right’ Hunter. That is the beauty of online communities like Daddyhunt. Such venues are safe places where we can share information about who we are, what we seek, and what it is we have to offer, affording us unique opportunities to form connections with those with whom we have complimentary interests. So, buck up, boys and girls, it has worked for me, it can work for you. I promise.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

(Written for and submitted for publication by www.daddyhunt.com. Publication pending. http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog)



The Hollies - Have you ever loved somebody
Uploaded by rebecca241290 on Jul 27, 2008



COUNTER POINT: NOTE TO DADDIES #2: NOT ALL HUNTERS ARE THE SAME (TASTES, INTERESTS, NEEDS, DESIRES).
As THIS DADDY has said before, gay culture, not unlike others, is often all about stereotypes. The ‘Daddy/Hunter’ community is certainly no different. Ironically, just as Daddies are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Twinks, Hunters are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Daddies who look like Tom Selleck, drive BMW’s, live in lofts, have the financial resources to jet a Hunter to Manhattan on a whim to shop for Prada. This is a load of bunkum. Just as Daddies have a multitude of tastes and desires, so do Hunters. I don’t know about you, boys and girls, but many times I’ve been online chatting, and have seen some Daddy saying some self-deprecating, negatives things about himself. Things like, ‘oh, at my age, my dating life is over’, ‘oh, I am not rich enough or successful enough to find a Hunter’, ‘Oh, I am HIV positive, nobody decent will ever want to date me again.’ As much as I hate to admit it, THIS DADDY himself has been guilty of this kind of negative self-talk. It is easy to fall into this trap. But it is a trap, my fellow Daddies, a deep, dark trap into which you must not allow yourself to fall. I was single for over 3 years after a very serious 10 year relationship, which ended very badly, before I found myself in a new relationship. Having given up on the idea of ever having a serious relationship again, I met a nice young man on Daddyhunt (wow, who’d a thunk it?) Neither of us expected anything serious to come of it, but, as these things sometimes happen, something serious did. If it could happen to me, it could certainly happen to you. Sending out a message that reeks of desperation, or having a piss-poor, negative attitude about yourself, those are things likely to prevent you from being successful at dating. Realizing what it is you have to offer, being confident in who you are, those are things that are likely to help you a quality Hunter with whom you can share your life. At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.



The Hollies - A Taste Of Honey
Uploaded by KeatonsAnnex on Mar 12, 2008
"In Concert" 1969.

How Long is Long Enough?

I was asked to go on a date the other day.  Not a hook up, not a coffee date...an honest-to-goodness date, date.  I had a nice time, it even ended with a kiss, a rather chaste kiss on the lips, and an offer of future dates.  It, the experience, was very quaint and very sweet.  He even followed up over the weekend with a couple of texts.  Isn't that how dating is supposed to be?  

Tall, younger (27), nice smile, artsy, genuine, intellectual, a tad full of himself (on the surface, but with a boyish, impressionable quality beneath), he is an artist, after all, my date had that whole, 'hip, young, gay, I buy all of my clothes at Goodwill, 'nerd/hippy boy' thing that I seem to find so appealing these days.

So, what was the problem?  He was too much like Sam (my former young man who moved away for graduate school at the end of last summer) and yet, not enough like Sam.

I miss Sam every day, even after all this time.  Sometimes I feel like a ridiculous, old man for continuing to moon over a lad young enough to be my son (he just turned 28) who, after nearly three happy years together, found going away to graduate school more important than life with me.  I mean, one can always get into graduate school, one can't always fall in love.  Anyway...for heaven's sake, I still have the last towel he used to shower the day he moved away hanging on the back of the door in my bathroom.  I came home the other day and a car just like the one he'd owned before he moved was parked in what had been his usual spot...I blanched.  Sometimes when it is late at night and I am nearly asleep, I hear a noise that to my sleep-clouded mind sounds like him puttering around downstairs and I lie there, half asleep, waiting to hear his footfalls on the stairs.  Sam has many wonderful qualities, gracefulness, alas, is not one of them.  How someone can make so much noise just walking up a set of stairs barefoot, I'll never know.  But, I digress.

Do I begrudge Sam his need to lead his own life, no.  Am I happy (for him) that he is enjoying his new life in Boston, yes. Do I avoid looking at his Facebook page because I don't want to see pictures of him (or read about him) with some new romantic interest...absolutely.  The thought of such makes me retch.

Am I glad that we had our time together, yes.  Would I change a minute of it, no.  Is it okay for me to be a sappy, ridiculous old man, yes.  Well, at least as long as I don't wallow in my sorrow, or use it as an excuse to become a hermit.  A little sentimentality would seem to be okay.

So, what about my date with the lad from the other night?  The verdict is still out.  He is a very nice, young man, with a beautiful smile.  Did I have the sort of 'bang' that was my experience with Sam, no.  At the moment we are trading texts about a painting he has offered to do for me. I look forward to seeing with what he comes up.  Will we go out on a date again? Perhaps.  Am I perhaps not ready to date yet, no matter how much I tell myself I should be?  I am starting to think so.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.


Rival Sons, 'Face of Light', from,'Pressure & Time', released June 20, 2011 in the UK and was released in the US on June 28, 2011 through U.S. independent label Earache Records.

Rival Sons - Face of Light

Rival Sons - Face of Light

Rival Sons - Face of Light

Hypocracy is as Hypocracy Does

As you may know, Dan Savage is under attack for some anti-Christian comments he made recently. Whilst reading the, 'The Daily Beast' today, I came across an article entitled, "Is Dan Savage the Gay Santorum?" by Jay Michaelson.  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/05/03/is-dan-savage-the-gay-santorum.html#comments

I read the Mr. Michaelson's article and found his perspective refreshing.  I did not, however, find many of the comments he received refreshing in the least. To answer his question, yes, Dan Savage is the gay Santorum. 

Below are my comments in response the flaming posts appearing in the, "Comments" section below the article:

Anyone who has known of Mr. Savage from the early days is not surprised by his comments.  His views, at least anecdotal to my experience here in Seattle, are shared by many younger gay, 'activists.'  I once walked out of a gay bingo event (back when that was cool) being held in a synagogue, ironically during an Easter weekend.  Mr. Savage was the MC and went on and on saying rude, denigrating things about Christians and Christianity.  It seems to be part of his ‘shtick.’  I have found him revolting ever since.  I had a similar experience while doing volunteer work with an AIDS organization in town.  A local progressive church had let our group use one of their rooms for a meeting/social event.  The hip, young, uber-politically gay folk immediately upon walking into the sanctuary, set up the bar on the alter (on the alter for heaven’s sake) and then spent the next 20 minutes or so making fun of Christians and Christianity, all the while knowing that I, one of the longest-serving volunteers and a church going man, was sitting there. These people were, I thought, my friends and comrades.  I was wrong.  I finally stood up, gave them hell and walked out, with them shaking their heads, still not getting about what it was that I was upset.  This sort of behavior would never, EVER occur in a similar setting in a mosque, or temple, or a synagogue.  It seems totally appropriate in the gay community to denigrate Christianity while remaining very sensitive and politically correct about other faiths.  I get it.  Christianity (well, more correctly uneducated Christians using the bible incorrectly) seems anti-gay.  I get it.  But really, is Islam or Judaism any more accepting?  No.  So why the hypocrisy, who knows?  I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now.  This insistence on an anti-Christianity gay, ‘orthodoxy’ is ridiculous.  It just is. It does a great deal of damage the community’s reputation.  Nobody respects a hypocrite.  Mr. Savage is taking a pounding for preaching about tolerance and then being publicly and aggressively intolerant,.  That happens when one is a hypocrite.  The gay community does the same thing when holding Christianity in lower esteem than other religions.  You hear the expression sometimes in Christian churches, “Hate the sin, not the sinner.”  Perhaps in this context, it might be better to, “hate the Christian, not the Christianity.”  At least then you’d be giving that same kind of respect given to a belief system held by millions of people (gay and straight) around the world.  Which, agree with it or not, don’t  you think, just as do the others, it deserves?

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

 

THE WAILERS - HYPOCRITES/THANK YOU LORD

Uploaded by roaringlion87 on Jan 29, 2010

Luna Park 28/01

When Bob Marley returned to Jamaica from the United States in 1967, The Wailers started their own label, ‘Wail'n Soul'm’ records, and released their first independent single "Freedom Time" backed with "Bend Down Low." "Nice Time," "Hypocrites," "Mellow Mood," "Thank You Lord," and "Stir It Up" are all recorded in the same year.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stir_It_Up

 

I Thought the Whole Being Gay and in the Military was Okay

Apparently not.  At least not according to one of my many 'admirers' on a website on which I have a profile from whom I received the following missive:

Dear Commander:

Although I support completely the right to expression, I do question this when it is used to exemplify self-interest and that which is in poor taste.

Your 'lifestyle' choice is fine; it is your decision, it does not harm either yourself or others (hopefully) but I do question whether it is appropriate to exemplify this through your professional (sic) standing. In one sense it is not dissimilar to a senior manager of say, Barclay's Bank or Shell Oil using his employer's name publicly to pursue his own personal interests: riding on another's back, so to speak - a somewhat perverse form of self-aggrandisement at the expense of his/her employer. In this case, the US Navy.

I personally take exception both as a former US Navy Line Officer but more so as a civil libertarian who sees little relevance in your self-exposure as a homosexual naval officer at the expense of the profession as a whole. I should think that having achieved the rank of commander you would have come to understand something of the nature of discretion and respect of one's office and what it represents in the public sense, and one's position in authority. These are qualities that one seeks to encourage in one's subordinates in the chain of command - or are they?

As a one-time 'sea lawyer' trained in Newport to advise both Command and personnel in matters of the UCMJ while afloat during the horrid Viet Nam exploit, I came to appreciate the necessity of maintaining a balanced and objective view of one's responsibilities in execution of my duties.

I am not particularly proud of having been party to the murder of countless thousands of people in an illegal and immoral military power play by our government madmen. Part of the execution of my duties however, was also to represent my uniform in a positive light, placing my own personal interests elsewhere. It was this understanding that resulted in the crew of my 497ft ship developing a trust and respect for me as a person and as an officer, far exceeding what any 'official' manual of conduct might try to impose. After all, actions do speak louder than words.

Such actions as you are presenting representing your own narrow view of 'right' I (respectfully, Sir) I suggest are both counter-productive and a distortion of the concept of freedom of expression.

Faithfully yours,

(He inserted his initials and former title here)

Below is my response:

I am sorry to have taken so long to respond to your missive. Things are crazy at the moment.

First, let me thank you for your service. I value and appreciate your patriotism, even if it was in support of an inappropriate war.

I do, though, take issue with some of your comments.

First, I think you should ask yourself if in your experience you really did learn the, " necessity of maintaining a balanced and objective view..." If you had read my profile (author's note:  in that profile I list a series of questions on topics that confuse me, guys who claim to be tops but then show pictures of their butts, for example) closely, you would have noticed that at no point did I state that my comments are anything other opinion, my opinion, to be exact. I make no insinuation that my 'right' is any more right than that of another. It seems odd that you assail me for my, "own narrow view of 'right'...", suggesting it is a, '...distortion of the concept of freedom of expression.' Isn't that an assault on my right to freedom of expression? You are being more than a tad hypocritical.

As to using a picture of myself in uniform ( Author's note:  like wearing a tuxedo, it is pretty hard to look bad in a set of chocker whites, aren't we supposed to show our best when on a dating site?), I am proud, very, of my service. I've worn the uniform for nearly 33 years. It is my opinion that you must harbor a deep sense of internalized homophobia if you believe that by openly declaring myself as, 'a homosexual naval officer...' it is, '...at the expense of the profession as a whole.' If this were Match.com or some other straight website, you'd not question my choice of profile picture. Perhaps it has escaped your notice that there are websites devoted to people seeking to date both gay and straight members of the military.

I have spent my entire adult life in service of protecting people's right of freedom of expression and other so-called American values. God willing, I will continue to do so.

Actions do speak louder than words. I respectfully submit that perhaps you should consider your actions in questioning my right of free expression by sharing my opinion in my profile and using a picture of myself in uniform. Part of leadership is leading by example. Of all of the comments I've received, other than yours and one other, the vast majority have been positive, including from some very young sailors, soldiers, Marines, airmen, and Coasties. It is those opinions I value. They are the future. You and I are the past. 

So, gentle readers, I seek your opinion.  Is it wrong to include a picture of myself in uniform in profile on a gay dating site?

Sigh, I thought this crap was over.  

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

 

Anchors Aweigh,  1944

Distributed by	Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Warner Home Video (DVD)
Release date(s)	July 14, 1945

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anchors_Aweigh_%28film%29

THE BEST OF BUCK UP, PRINCESS 1:

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Younger Than Spring Time...

Have you ever taken the time to think about why it is you are attracted to whom you find attractive? I don't mean, why you are gay, or anything. That is just how you are. I mean, being gay is just your nature, so, that is a given. But what is it that makes you lust after bears, or twinks, or redheads, etc.

Dictionary.com defines the word imprint this way:

im·print [n. im-print; v. im-print] Show IPA

noun

1. a mark made by pressure; a mark or figure impressed or printed on something.

2. any impression or impressed effect: He left the imprint of his thought on all succeeding scholars.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/imprint?s=ts

I think to whom we are attracted (again, not the fact that we like guys, but the type of guys we like) comes from an 'imprint' that happens at a critical stage in our development as sexual beings. I can't tell you for certain why it is that I like guys with nice feet, that imprinting happened far too long ago for me to remember. I can tell you with certainty, though, not only from where my attraction for guys that are my 'type' comes from, but the actually individual who set the imprint: John Kerr (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0449734/ or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Kerr_actor).

John Kerr was an actor who played, " 2LT Joseph Cable, USMC " in the movie version of, "South Pacific". Tall, slender, almost slight, at an early age (7 perhaps) I know he made my 'fun parts' tingle. After seeing him wonder around shirtless and barefoot, then making love' to Liat (a beautiful, Pacific Islander girl played by, France Nuyen), I was hooked.

Would it be nice if my 'imprint' was someone different, Dick Butkus, say, sure. Being chunky, hairy, and older, it is the type after which I am expected to lust. Sometimes does chemistry trump type, sure (see an earlier piece called, "The Tyranny of Type"). But the heart wants what the heart wants (or in this case, the d*ck wants what the d*ck wants).

In my case, what the heart (or d*ck) wants is a taller, skinny, lean, almost slight guy, with nice feet. Damn you, John Kerr! Damn you to h*ll!

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Uploaded by BazzasBest on May 24, 2011

The classic 1958 Rogers & Hammerstein movie. Rights belong to MGM and 20th Century Fox and others.

Author's note: don't get the wrong idea, I have no interest in being the, "Liat." I want someone who looks like John Kerr to be the Liat to my 2LT Cable.

Daddy Haiku #2: I Like Kissing Lads

I Like Kissing Lads
Lads Used to Like Kissing Me
Sigh, those were the days

Rude is As Rude Does

Another of my myriad diatribes on the topic of rudeness by people to others whom they do not know.

Below are messages I received in response to my profile on website I frequent:

From Lustysex (http://www.adam4adam.com/?p=Lustysex)
Sunday, January 15, 2012 12:53 PM
Why do you continue to project a negative image for the Navy. The Navy uniform is
sacred and professional.

From Lustysex (http://www.adam4adam.com/?p=Lustysex)
Sunday, December 25, 2011 12:13 PM
I doubt you're a Commander.

I believe these snarky comments are sent to me because I have the gall to be open about the fact, in my profile, that I am in the military.

I agree completely with Lusty that the uniform is both sacred and professional. I also agree that, especially with the recent repeal of DADT, it is a show of pride to state openly that one is in the military on a gay-oriented website.

What I disagree with is someone, especially someone who has likely never served, flaming someone else for a choice they've made about what to put or depict in one's profile on a public website.

I guess I am just too much of an officer and a gentleman to understand this kind of rudeness because, yes, I really am a Commander. Sigh.

At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Fashion: Ethan Shoshan

Fashion: Ethan Shoshan


Fashion : Ethan Shoshan

An interesting website. At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

There Never Was A Baby Like My Baby

'I love being partnered. I'd love to be partnered again. But I just can't find him, not anywhere, not even close.' Elaine Stritch, in her show, "Elaine Stritch at Liberty":

There never was a baby like my bady
No other baby ever had that smile
Since he's gone, I just can't be a cry baby
Cause my baby made life worthwhile

There never was another guy or doll baby
Who looked exactly like my valentine
He was specially designed for me
And if you want his double, brother are you in trouble

Never no never, a baby, like mine

There never was another doll or guy baby
who looked like my valentine
He was specially designed for me
And if you want his double, brother are you in trouble

Never no never a baby like mine.

From: Two on the Aisle is a musical revue with a book and lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green and music by Jule Styne. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_on_the_Aisle

http://www.myspace.com/ellafitzgerald/music/songs/there-never-was-a-baby-like-my-baby-42008434

Happy Birthday, Sam. 28. Yow, that is old, gosh!