There are certain mysteries in life. Even at my advanced age, there are just some things I don't understand, nor do I ever expect to.
I chat online a lot. Too much, to be honest. But, as I've mentioned before, it is sort of the 'Seattle thing' to do so. We are a very polite, but extremely cold and shy lot up here in the Pacific Northwest. So, for many of us, being 'online' is a social venue which allows us to 'meet' folks and make friends, etc.
As I've mentioned before, I tend to visit sites which cater to younger/older interactions (DH and SD, for example). Since, by their nature, those sites tend to be more 'sexually' oriented than friendship oriented, I tend to use 'evocative' nicknames to make sure I attract the right 'types' of guys with whom I'd be interested in chatting. I am a top, so something along those lines is usually included. I am 'daddy' so something along those lines is also usually 'in the mix' when I am coming up with a snappy nickname to use. I am neither the smartest nor wittiest person online, so it can be hard sometimes to come up with something fun. Still, I think I've picked some good nicks along the way. I go for attention grabbing, without being crude.
Still, no matter what I do, the vast majority of guys who chat me up, tend to be older, fatter, hairier guys. Nothing wrong with that. I am happy to chat with almost anybody. But, often, and I just don't get why, the conversation almost immediately starts to 'veer' into the, 'I know I am older than you are, and I know you say you like younger, but....'. Or, "I am sorry that I am older, but....." What is up with that?
I know there are way more older guys that like younger guys than the opposite. I am intimately familiar with being an 'older' guy and the fact, therefore, that it means that I've essentially gone from being a 'hot guy' (yes, looking back at some old pictures as I was recently, I was pretty hot back in the day. I didn't think so, of course, but if I'd known then what I can see now......) to being a 'kink' or a 'fetish'. I've come to terms with it. It is, like it or not, sort of the way our society operates. Unlike others, we don't venerate age, we devalue it. As I often say, "I don't make the rules, I am just bound like the rest to play by them".
To me it seems rather self-destructive or masochistic to set yourself up for failure and disappointment by taking the time to chat up someone who is clearly, CLEARLY not going to be interested. If, that is, what you seek is some kind of connection other than just chatting. I don't know about you, dear readers, but I work two jobs, have a crazy dog, elderly parents, and own an nearly century old home. I've got better things to so than to waste time chatting up guys, when I am online, who I can tell from the outset won't be interested in chatting with me. Okay, my time would be better spent doing almost anything other than chatting online, but as I've said before, it is what we 'do' here. And it is my time to waste, not yours.
Don't be, 'sorry I am older', you can't help that fact, number one; and, number two, there isn't anything wrong with being older. Have a little self respect. There are lots and lots of younger guys who do like older guys. I am not one of them, so stop bothering me and wasting my time and go after the ones who do.
If I see a profile online which says a guy seeks, 'athletic'. Or if it says he seeks, 'under 30' or 'smooth' or 'taller' or 'cut', I am none of those things, so I don't bother sending him a message. And I certainly don't, if I am in a chatroom someplace, send him an IM and try to initiate a conversation. Why in the hell would I? All I am likely to do is piss him off and get ignored or brushed off. Isn't my time better spent chatting with the guys who say they seek, 'stocky, hairy, uncut", etc. (all things I am)? It sure seems like it to me.
Now I know I'll get comments and flames about how I must think I am special or something (I've commented on this before in previous posts, you can tell this is one of my soapbox issues, as I am repeating myself on this issue) . Don't waste your breath. I am not special. I don't think I am 'all that'. Heck, for the life of me I can't understand why anybody ever (or has ever) thought I was attractive. Lucky for me, there are guys out there who do, not many, granted but some. I don't know why, but boy am I glad. I know what I want and I am explicit about saying so. You do both of us a favor by paying attention to those facts.
Have a little respect for yourself. You, like anybody, deserve to be valued and appreciated. There is bound to be someone out there who thinks, for one reason or another, that you are hot. Not, and I repeat, NOT ME. Look for the guys might, not the ones who don't. Or, if you are going to go after guys who are plainly not going to be interested, grow a pair and expect to get pinged on and don't get pissed off or hurt when it happens.
Sigh, this stuff just makes me tired.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Have you ever noticed, not like this is a unique observation, that most online profiles are full of 'buzz words'? Words like, 'swimmer's build' or 'athletic'. The word I see most often on the profiles of bigger, older guys is, 'masculine'. Well, I hate to break it to you gentlemen, but fat does not equate to masculine. I don't subscribe to the idea that there is a 'standard' of masculinity. I do believe, that like youth, being 'masculine' is a quality that many people in this community admire, even if they don't always define it in common way. I understand, therefore, that people would 'lead' with a description like that. It is more than appropriate to put a 'positive' spin on how you describe yourself. I do it. I use 'stocky' or 'burly' or 'sturdy' to describe my 'robust' physique. But putting a positive spin on how you look or how you act is appropriate, lying or claiming a quality you don't possess isn't. For years I wanted to be 'tall and slender'. Well, tough noogie. I am short and stocky (5'8", 215 on my scale this morning). It finally dawned on me that lots of tall, slender, younger guys like 'opposite' guys. So I stopped regretting that I lacked those qualities. When meeting someone new (especially someone I've cultivated online), I'd much have them be 'pleasantly surprised' when they meet me than be hopelessly disappointed. If you are big, say so. Don't hide behind 'code' words. Do you really think that if you turn out to be some nelly guy like Christopher Lowell or you are what the bear community might call a, "polar bear", that because you said, 'masculine' in your profile someone meeting you for the first time will be convinced, despite not desiring someone with such characteristics? The beauty of our 'scene' is that there are always guys out there who desire someone like us. The group of those folks may be small. Heck, there are days when so few folks chat with me that I think being a chunky, older, hairy guy makes me some bizarre fetish (like breath control, or cross dressing). But, the fact is, there are quality boys, of the type I like, who do and will continue to find me appealing. I don't know why, I don't get the attraction to stocky, hairy, older guys at all. But, there are guys that do. And I think success is more likely when you are real and honest in your profiles.