This Is How THIS DADDY Sees Things Too...

I found this image on TUMBLR today.    It isn't attributed to anybody, but it seems pretty wise to me.

This author, whomever is he, is on to something. 

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

NOW THIS IS WHAT THIS DADDY LIKES TO SEE....

Gay Daddy/Son relationships to be Inspired-by
PUBLISHED:  December 13, 2013

Author: Official Daddyhunt 

 

 

Kind Note from Reader #4

I am pleased to share the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he is kind enough to send such missives in response to some of my postings, so I like to share them with the other readers. 

... blessings...
... and peace to you...
... sir...
... in this holiday season...
... and while i am not...
... completely sure...
... stages of movement...
... through space...
... are worthy of celebration...
... on their own accord...
... i do hope whate'er...
... celebrations...
... you have...
... are free from discord...
... bringing you together...
... in joy...
... with those you love...
be well.
laeth

I wish I had a way with words as does laeth.  

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Kind Note from Reader #3

I am pleased to share the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he is kind enough to send such missives in response to some of my postings, so I like to share them with the other readers. 

... yes...
... aging is a strange, wonderful...
... journey...
... parts that can or would...
... function...
... do not always have the same...
... urgency...
... and parts you never realized...
... functioned...
... make themselves important by aching...
... since i was very young...
... "why?" and "to what end?"...
... have shaped many decisions...
... and seem even more valuable...
... as maturity shapes me into...
... what would have been a frightful form...
... to my younger self...
... i care very much more...
... and strangely...
... very much less...
... i care more about those hours...
... spent watching, wanting and waiting...
... for the seeming few minutes' carnal meet...
... as there is more to enjoy without worry...
... despair...
... than these things...
... care less about those few minutes' carnal meet...
... for when a day gone by...
... i wonder what those hours...
... could have accomplished...
... as achieving the score seems pale...
... so the "why" compels me...
... to examine...
... and "to what end"...
... imagines me the consequences...
... there are people i love...
... and who love me...
... though "not in that way"...
... and i wonder if sowing those joys...
... fatal to a fucking folly...
... may be a better treasure...
... than what i could impatiently seek...
... not to a eunuch's end...
... mind you...
... but maybe not minding...
... so much to consider it that...
... anyhow...
... and there is the love...
... to consider beyond...
... lust...
... i do not think it is too much...
... to ask for or want...
... though i am not sure...
... we always recognize the answer...
... or fulfillment..
... and as i lay me down...
... very likely before 2200...
... i shall hold what a geezer does...
... in mind...
... and generously water good hopes...
... that your energy is spent wisely...
... keeping your heart soft...
... your mind keen...
... and your working parts ready...
... when called upon... ;)
... and may you fall completely...
... into ageless grace...
... gray hair and good nature...
... intact...
blessings.
laeth

Aging gracefully is most definitely the way to go.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks. 

Follies - I'm Still Here - Eartha Kitt

Eartha Kitt (who replaced Dolores Gray) sings "I'm Still Here" on a British television show

Geezer is as Geezer Does

Since I started, "Buck-up, Princess," every year on my birthday I've written a post discussing how I feel.  Last year I wrote a piece called, "Pre-Geezer No Longer ."

This year I think I am doing the full geezer. My reasons for thinking this:

1)I haven't been on a decent date in two years;
2)The boys (those few) who show interest, are seriously too young for me to consider;
3)I am starting to have to force myself stay awake until 10pm;
4)I have serious 'old dude' body these days;
5)I figured out the exact date I could retire (an early retirement, granted, but still);
6)It takes too much energy to hook up.

Of course, I am not really as boring as this stuff might sound, but I end up doing some of this boring stuff is because I am single, as I don't have an activity partner who makes me want to stay up doing fun stuff, but still.  I can't tell if these things will fleeting, I mean, I am only 51 after all and all of my parts still work quite well, thank you.  But being on the north side of 50 really makes me think.

One the negative side, well, see my list above.  On the positive side: I love the little house by the big lake.  My crazy dog still drives me up the wall, but I love her.  I like my every more graying hair (though, even some of my friends and co-workers are starting to admit I am not making it up that it is thinning). 

They say that aging gracefully takes work.  I keep trying....

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Itchy & The geezer - I came to London and smoked some weed

You Go Girl!

Okay, so I am one of the guys who always claims to prefer 'butch' boys.  Yet, the love of my life was what I call, 'softly masculine.'  So I was thrilled to find the following article:



The Strength in Being a Feminine Gay Man

Tyler Curry
Freelance columnist and fiction writer; creator, The Needle Prick Project

Posted: 10/01/2013 6:53 pm

As the mainstream image of what a gay man is continues to morph into more of a hero and less of a victim, we continue to cast our most handsome, athletic and masculine men in the leading roles of the gay movement. As our rainbow fades to pastel, society now understands that gay men can be just like the rest of mainstream society. Our community has a new cast of gay heroes who place our most chiseled, scruffy-jawlined faces forward for everyone to see. From TV stars like Wentworth Miller to athletes like Jason Collins, the world now knows that we can be strong and manly and fit right in with the rest of the boys. But there is a different kind of strength that has always existed within gay culture, although it might not come in the form of bulging muscles and bass voices.

Unlike his masculine counterpart, the effeminate gay man doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind a butch façade until he is comfortable with coming out of the closet. You know the type. He can learn the choreography to the latest pop song more quickly than you can learn the lyrics. In high school he had to make a beeline for his car the minute the bell rang so that he could avoid the worn-out name calling, bullying or even violence. The Bedazzler was, is, and always will be his best childhood friend. Yes, these queeny gays may have been born with a serious masculinity deficiency, but that is exactly what makes them the epitome of strength.

As someone who has always straddled the masculine/feminine divide, I desperately sought to play up my butch qualities and minimize my fairy wings as much as humanly possible. Thankfully I excelled at sports and had a muscular build and a sort of generic, all-American-white-boy appeal -- until I opened my mouth, of course. I sounded more like a chipmunk with a lisp than the boy who'd just made the saving play on the soccer field. Eventually it was the only thing that people noticed.
Even after I accepted my sexuality, I struggled with my femininity. I spent hours in the gym, building my body in an effort to emulate the ideal of what men supposedly should look like. I stopped applying my coveted bronzer and shaved my head like a G.I. Joe. I even opted for a more understated wardrobe over the tight, bright T-shirts that I secretly loved. But the nasal voice and extra bounce in my step were inescapable. No matter what I tried, I always received degrading comments and snickers about my disposition, but not from the straight community. These came from gay men.
A girl can only take so much. I have learned to embrace and enjoy my feminine qualities just as much as my masculine ones. If masculinity is paramount, something that all men must strive for to be considered "real" men, then gay men, by definition, will always be considered lesser than their straight counterparts. We gay men know that there isn't one definition of what a "real" man is. Hell, we are living proof. So discounting or stifling any feminine characteristics that we may have is a slap in the face of our own culture and an admission to others that there is something to suppress. The gay men who couldn't help but shoot glitter out of every orifice were the ones who propelled gay rights into the mainstream. As we get closer to becoming fully integrated in the larger society, it is important that we not allow any segment of our own community to suffer in the process.

The measure of a gay man's femininity in a heteronormative society is much like the measure of an African American's skin color in a society of white privilege. The most feminine of gay men are the equivalent of the darkest-skinned of African Americans, while the gay men who exhibit the most masculine qualities enjoy privileges like fair-skinned African Americans do. These phenomena are the result of expectations placed on both groups by segments of society who demand that we be like them. Those who fail these litmus tests are least valued by the ruling party. As proud gay men, we should demand within our own community that masculinity not be an indicator of worth, and that we respect each other regardless of our differences.

To the queens who have been beaten up, marginalized and mangled for refusing to cave in to the norm, you are the true heroes of the gay movement. It is these men to whom we owe our freedom to be the exact type of gay man that we were made to be, and nothing else.

So even with my nasal voice and knack for choreography, I realize that I am as much of a boy as I need to be, and as much of a girl as I want to be. That is strength.

Snap.

By being male, you are by definition, 'masculine.'  You may fall a bit on the 'softer' side of the masculinity scale...but masculine you are, like it or not.



At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

The Voice of Poland - Kamila Apryas - „Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"

VoiceOfPolandTVP

BRAGGING RIGHTS: BUCK UP, PRINCESS HAS BEEN NAMED ONE OF THE 10 BEST INTERGENERATIONAL DATING WEBSITES

DatingAdvice.com has named, "Buck Up, Princess," as one of the year's "10 Best Intergenerational Dating Sites." The rankings were published this morning.   

DatingAdvice.com describes, "Buck Up, Princess" as, 'Bragging Rights: breaks beyond the stereotype of the “daddy.” Buck Up, Princess offers dating advice specifically aimed at the gay community, authored from the perspective of an older man interested in younger men. With a funny and proud approach, the site offers a fuller view in a community where May-December pairings are quite common. Topics like “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” detail the joys and hardships that often accompany love.'

Lately I've been experiencing more of the hardships than the joys when it comes to love.  Ironically, this emphasis on the hardships has made me hesitant about writing.  Nobody wants to read downbeat, egomaniacal drivel all the time.  But, it is true that the goal is to present a warts and all view of dating intergenerationally.  I just there are some, '...and all' experiences on their way, rather than those involving warts.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

'Warts and All', from, 'Honk!' 

Raymond Case Elementary School

There Is No Fool Like an Old Fool Redux

It is hard for me to admit but I recently had a bit of a an emotional meltdown.  At my age (50), you'd think I'd have everything figured out to the point that this sort of stuff no longer happened to me.  Alas, I can't speak for other old dudes, but this old dude clearly doesn't have it all figured out.

While away on Annual Training (reserve speak for the 'two weeks' military reservists are required to perform every year), the loss of my relationship with Sam (my former, young man) hit me like a sledge hammer.  Crazy, I know.  I mean, it has been almost two years (16 August is the second anniversary of our parting of the ways), but I still miss the big dork and what we shared every day.  Every single, gosh darned day.

Okay,   there were multiple factors that led up to the meltdown:  exhaustion (working 12 hour shifts, sleeping...or not as was the case...in a noisy, hot barracks room); sick (I have asthma. Whenever I travel someplace where I shuttle between air conditioned work and living spaces...we don't DO air conditioning here in Seattle...I get a respiratory infection); being called 'stupid' by a subordinate but still.  I was completely shocked at the extend of the meltdown. 

So, what set the event off?  Whilst looking up pictures of my house on Facebook (I am having an extensive energy renovation conducted and I needed to answer a question by the contractor about the new windows I'd ordered), I unintentionally clicked on Sam's Facebook page.   While I am hardly a Luddite, I am not good with the  technology including the Facebook, so I often miss-click on stuff unintentionally, when I am trying to do something else.

What did I see?  I saw his profile picture...a picture which includes his new boyfriend.  When I saw it, I blanched. During our time together, I never appeared in his profile picture, nor was I ever referenced as having meant anything more important to him than being just a friend. My first thought, irrational, though it may have been, was that he loves the new guy more then he'd ever loved me, that his relationship with him is more important, more enriching, just plain, 'more' than was ours. I have no rational reason nor right to be upset about this, I just was. Ridiculous, I know. Silly, unreasonable, borderline irrational, still I almost burst into tears whilst sitting at my watch station. I literally had to get up, walk out of the building in which I was working, into the parking lot, so that I could weep.  Which I did, on and off for about three hours. 

I hate doing things which I worry will damage what respect he has for me.  I mean, it was my butch, military officer/Daddy persona with which he fell in love.  Not the emotionally scarred weepy little bitch like which I was acting.

Since he left, my romantic life has been to say the least, 'unfulfilling.'  This lack of fulfillment, causes me, to reminisce about the old days.  How happy I was and how much I lost when he went away to graduate school. Seeing his so happy and playful with his new boyfriend, made me feel as if our time together had become but a distant, blurry memory of an insignificant, transitory period in his life.

I try to avoid doing stuff that will enhance my appearance as a ridiculous, old man hung up on a romance long ended. But, I don't always succeed.

I am  very happy for him and glad for his personal and professional success. I am proud of him and wouldn't change, even with all of the pain I continue to feel over its ending, a second of our time together.  During our time together, I truly did love him with all of my heart. And, to some extent I always will. I am glad that his life has moved on, but in my weaker moments, I worry that he no longer remembers the passion and intimacy we shared. I also get that the context of our relationship has changed, so he's moved passed having the rare feeling of missing me, or waking up, wishing it was me lying next to him.

Unfortunately for me, though, I haven't been as successful at moving passed those things. On a day like the one on which I had my meltdown, I sure wish that I had. My therapist tells me that I cannot predict the future.  Perhaps I will find love again.  I hope so.  But as time passes, it seems ever less likely.

In a recent conversation, when discussing this stuff, Sam made some comment along the lines of, 'okay, you aren't having success at dating now....'  What he can't understand, being so young, is that at this age, 'now' is what of which I most have.  Finding love at any age is hard.  At this stage in my life, realistically, there aren't that many years left for me to keep having extended periods of singleness.


Don't get me wrong, as that wise prophet, Whitney Houston once wrote, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy."  I would, really.  But lately it doesn't seem like I have much choice in the matter.

At least (today, anyway) that is what THIS DADDY thinks.  

Masters Of Harmony - The Way We Were

The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain

Living in Seattle as I do, I can confirm that the reputed 9 months of dreary rain does wears on me. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't rain EVERY day for nine months and most of the time when it is 'raining,' it is really just gray and/or drizzly.  Still, month upon month upon month does take its toll. 

This Summer has been kind of unique:  we've had great weather basically since May.  I mean, sunny, warm, clear, dry.  It's been great.  Of course, the two weeks I spent on Active Duty down in San Diego were two of the most glorious weeks of such weather up here and two of the gloomiest, muggiest, down there.  

Anyway, it has been a little rainy this last couple of days, sort of a preview of the upcoming Fall.  Oddly, for someone who wearies of the rain, I've been happy to see it.  The garden at little house at the big lake has been calling for some moisture.  Since I try to be green, I avoid watering if at all possible.

The reason I bought the little house at the big lake, despite the decrepit shape it was in and despite the fact that my ex lives only 80 feet away, was the great view of the big lake from my bedroom.  I am not 'on' the big lake, alas, but my house being located at the highest point in the street, I see above the houses and trees located between my house and the big lake.  Granted, the lesbians recently ruined part of my view.  But then, you KNOW how are those guys.   All in all, the view is great.  I can literally see the big lake while lying in bed, without even having to raise my head much above the pillow.  

A city renown for its rainy climate, Seattle and environs rarely experience thunder and lightning.  So when it happens, it is sort of a treat.  The other night such a treat occurred. 

I was awakened in the middle of the night, probably by the crazy dog with whom I share the little house.  Awake, looking up from bed, I could see across the big lake and off into the foothills, shrouded in clouds.  Behind the clouds, I could see flashes of lightning.  It was eerie and beautiful.  

I only wish I had my own, personal lad with whom to share it.As grand as was the experience, being able to hold someone I loved, sharing the beauty and the grandeur would have been the experience all the more special.  

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

The rain in Spain-Julie Andrews (original Broadway recording)

The Daddy Days of Summer

Look what I found on, The Huffington Post today:

The Huffington Post  |  By James Nichols Posted: 08/09/2013 1:05 pm EDT  |  Updated: 08/09/2013 1:05 pm EDT
  
'Daddy Days,' Daddyhunt Event, To Be Held In Provincetown 

 
"Daddy Days," a newly annual event sponsored by the gay social nextwork Daddyhunt, will kick off tomorrow, Aug. 10, at several different locations across Provincetown.

A week-long event intended to be a celebration of gay men of all ages, "Daddy Days" will feature dinners, parties, dances, tea-rooms, and performances. The epicenter of the event will be at Crew’s Quarters on Commercial Street.

In reference to Daddyhunt's purpose in hosting the "Daddy Days" event, Javier Cobo, Community Director for Daddyhunt, said in a statement sent to the Huffington Post:

We wanted to find a way to bring together the strong, smart men who helped build the gay community we know today... We've seen historic changes in the past few years politically, and it’s time for us to realize we're maturing as a community as well. Love and sex aren’t limited by age. With Daddy Days, we’re hoping to bring together not only daddies and daddy hunters, but guys that enjoy a broader definition of community.

According to it's founders, Daddyhunt was established in 2005 as a social networking site for gay men over the age of 40 who felt excluded from more mainstream online dating sites. In an age where dating and forging connections between gay men is accelerating quickly into the digital sphere, the influence and significance of gay social networks seems to be much more a reality rather than a trend. Within this shift, gay men, often guilty of discrimination within their own community, have been known to force one another into different preference-based social networks for different "types" of gay men. Hence, the need for gay social networking sites that cater specifically to older gay men, but also Daddyhunt's attempt to understand community in less narrow terms.

Despite the target demographic for the "Daddy Days" event, founders emphasized that this week is intended to be a celebration for gay men of all ages. “These may be the first Daddy Days,” said Cobo, “But we’re looking forward to many more years ahead.”
For more information on "Daddy Days," visit Daddyhunt's website. Below, view a slideshow of photos from previous Daddyhunt events. 

It is great to see that Daddies (well not me, alas, but Daddies in general) are getting their due. Back in my day, whodda thunk it?

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Lena Horne - My Heart Belongs to Daddy
http://www.lena-horne.com/

Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following

Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following

From:  Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following

"There is a plethora of resources for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender) individuals to connect, find local events and raise support for understanding and equality on the web. Google Plus has become a popular forum to for exchanging ideas and opinions, and is fast becoming a place to find great information on LGBT issues. From the lighthearted dating and friend-finding pages to the political causes rallying for equality and rights for all, here are some top Google Plus pages that are worth following. We hope you find them topical and entertaining."

DADDY AS SEX SYMBOL....

The following article,  RISE OF THE DADDIES appeared on 6/14/13 at 8:00 AM, on the New York Magazine website.  It was written by Mike Albo.

 Well it is about gosh, darned time.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

From The Ultimate Ballroom Collection 9

THIS DADDY Hits the Big Time

First Buck up, Princess was named a top 100 GLBT dating blog.  Now, THIS DADDY is appearing as a guest blogger on Datingadvice.com.  

DatingAdvice.com is an all-inclusive dating resource site whose experts dispense wisdom on 'all things dating' through how-to articles, informational studies, reviews of gay dating sites, reader questions and more!

I am very impressed with Datingadvice.com, and not just because they asked me to guest blog for them.  I've found the articles to be very much of interest and very insightful.

So, please check it out when you get the chance.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Kids, What's the Matter with Kids These Days?

There is a line from the movie, "Dazed and Confused" which goes something like, 'That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.' 

I know that there are lots of old dudes who feel that way.  The older they get, the younger it is they hope the romantic partners they find will be.  I am not one of those guys.  Sure, I date younger guys.  And sure I think it is perfectly find to do so.  But, there is young, and there is, "YOUNG." 

As I've mentioned before, my last (and the happiest and most healthy) relationship was with a fellow two decades younger than am I.  He was 24 when we met, I was 46.   We met on a website designed to support inter-generational dating. He finds older, stocky, hairy dudes (like me) attractive and I find younger, taller, skinnier guys attractive.  So it was a match made in heaven. But, I think we both knew this was a fluke.  He wasn't originally intending to be in a serious relationship and I wasn't intending to try and have a serious relationship with someone that much younger.  Despite the odds and despite criticism from our various peer groups, it worked. 

With his departure for grad school across the country and the end of our relationship, having come away with such a positive experience, I figured it would be easy to find someone new, ideally someone a little older than he, more settled, a little more ready for a long term situation.  

For good or for ill, for right or for wrong, that hasn't happened.  What has happened, though, is I seem to be (as we say in the Navy), "Pogey Bait" for guys not Sam's age or older; rather Sam's age (at the time we met) or younger.  Which I just find bizarre.  

I mean, sure, it is nice when you are online and you get 'gropes' or 'winks' or whatever from guys you also think are cute (not so nice when it is guys you find grodie, but I digress).  But what guy my age in his right mind wants to be chased after by kids barely out of high school?  So, I don't really know how to respond when this happens.  I know, I know, some of you oldsters are going to say but, 'what about Chris and Don,' or other such examples of extreme age differences where the relationship lasted.  But really, that is pretty rare, admit it. 

Okay, there is the rare really mature guy 20-year old college boy, or military guy with whom such a relationship is possible, but that is a one in a million shot.  I recently met one such boy.  A college student, who I thought (I can't remember why) to be 22 or 23, came over to my house to hang out.  As we were chatting away, having a splendid time, it happened to slip out that he was only 19.  Eek! I almost spit out my drink. As the chatting continued, much to my relief, he made it very clear that while he is really into 'older' guys, he is also mature enough to understand that he ISN'T mature enough for anything serious.  Not looking for anything serious with someone that young myself, I was impressed with his maturity. He is clearly the sort of young man with whom an old dude might consider trying to have a relationship.  But it was that very maturity that made it clear that no such relationship was being considered.  I knew he was too young and he knew it too.  Thank heavens! Now, in 5 years or so.....anyway.

So, what is it with all these other young guys, I mean YOUNG guys, who chase after me?  Is it my chiseled, good looks?  My Irish-Italian charm?  Who the hell knows?  And why is it some nice, attractive, 32 year old tall, skinny doctor with nice feet isn't chasing after me?  Again, who the hell knows?  This situation is crazy, don't you think?

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto.....

I came across the following article today whilst 'flipping through' the Huffington Post.  I am not sure I agree with everything included in the article, and I am not sure my experience dating in, "middle age," is as 'upbeat' as it would lead one to believe, but I did find it interesting.


A Gay Man At Midlife Ponders Being Lonely And ‘Invisible'

A Gay Man at Midlife Ponders Being Lonely and ‘Invisible’

By STEVEN PETROW

Published: March 19, 2013

Every other Tuesday, Steven Petrow, the author of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners,” (Workman, 2011), addresses questions about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age audience. Send questions for Civil Behavior to stevenpetrow@earthlink.net.

 Q. Dear Civil Behavior: Your comment in a recent column about gays at midlife finding themselves “suddenly invisible — aged out by the young, restless and beautiful” resonated loudly with me. At 59 I am single and almost friendless. I live in Philadelphia, which has a reasonably sized gay community, yet I feel like an outsider. Many of my friends died two decades ago and my contemporaries have started retiring to Florida. I would like to go out dancing sometimes, but I don’t feel comfortable going to bars anymore. The Internet seems full of people looking to do drugs. I remember the distaste we all once had for “old people,” but I’m tired of staying home on weekends. Do you have any advice? —Stephen W., Philadelphia

A. Dear Stephen: Believe me, I understand “the middle ages” can be difficult for anyone, gay or straight. After all, wasn’t it Phyllis Diller who cracked: “Maybe it’s true that life begins at 50 ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out.” The ability to laugh — and laugh at ourselves — is key to our happiness.

Still, there are some unusual and disproportionate challenges to aging within the gay community that your experiences highlight. “Many L.G.B.T. older people experience high rates of social isolation,” says Michael Adams, executive director of Services and Advocacy for G.L.B.T. Elders, an organization dedicated to helping older members of our community. “We’re twice as likely to be single and to live alone, and three to four times as likely to be childless. And many of us are estranged from our families of origin, and so are only half as likely as our heterosexual counterparts to have close relatives to lean on for help.” Adding salt to these wounds, a 2004 study, “Old, Gay, and Alone?” reported that 44 percent of older gay men “feel disconnected from or even unwelcomed by younger generations of L.G.B.T. people.”

This isolation is partly explained by our community’s extraordinary place in history. Many of us lost lovers, friends and family in the depths of the H.I.V./AIDS epidemic, so we find ourselves short on these lifelines just when we need them most. (This might also help explain why the situation is more difficult for gay men than it is for lesbians: The study I noted previously showed that lesbians “tended to have networks that were more resilient and showed less fluctuation in response to changes with aging,” probably because their support networks were not nearly as devastated by H.I.V./AIDS as gay men’s were.) Those who survived the plague can only be grateful — yet, like you, these losses continue to prick our hearts.

But before we start taking meds, host pity parties or just become shut-ins, let’s remember that our generation is still one powerfully large cohort, and our sheer numbers dictate that we confront ageism in our community. Consider Stu Maddux’s award-winning documentary, “Gen Silent,” which garnered so much attention by putting a face on the plight of older members of our community. “They’re often afraid to ask for help or are isolated from their families,” Mr. Maddux told me, adding, “The good news is that mainstream aging organizations are waking up and realizing, yes, these folks do have unique issues we have to address.”

So if you’re determined to find friends or even lovers, of any age, what do you do? First off, you’ve got to be willing to go out into the world or you’re not going to meet people, period. If bars don’t work for you, stay out of them. Second, friendships can’t be taken for granted or put on autopilot; in fact they often take more energy than what some people are willing to invest in them. Ask yourself: 

Are you willing to do that?

If the answer is yes, start by doing a quick search for your nearest L.G.B.T. community center; you’ll probably be amazed by the number of activities on tap like those at the William Way Center near you in Philadelphia. Nationwide, our generation has founded its own social and support networks, like Prime Timers Worldwide (with more than 80 chapters in the United States and a smattering overseas), Old Lesbians Organizing for Change and the National Association of Black and White Men Together.

But let’s not completely write off the Millennials and Gen Xers, many of who are interested in befriending folks our age (if not seeking more). As a 30-year-old posted on my Facebook page in response to your question, “I find having friends who are gay and older helps me learn about the gay community’s past struggles and truly understand where we have come from, where we are now, and where we’re going as a society.” Another, a happily partnered woman, suggested that you “Look for people who like older people and enjoy being with them. They’re out there to be found. I know, because one found me.”

Of course, at 59 you’re only six years away from retirement, when you can join your brothers and sisters in Florida or Palm Springs. Believe me, you’ll be considered quite the spring chicken when you get to those communities. Above all, try to remember we’re lucky we’ve gotten to see and live through our middle years; so many of our loved ones did not. 

 Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto.....

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

As Time Goes By

When referring to changes in the unemployment rate, members of the media often comment on how the number stated does not reflect those long term unemployed who have essentially given up looking for work.  In the context of dating, perhaps if speaking on the number of single, gay men, they might refer to the number of middle-aged dudes who've given up on finding a romantic partner. An unpleasant concept, isn't it?

I know, I know, one is supposed to keep a positive attitude and be grateful for how things are.  I often write about how much I enjoy aspects of aging and how much better is my life than it is have ever been before.  I gets hard, though, to keep up a positive attitude about dating, at least I have been finding it so of late.

I am told I still possess a certain charm.  Despite my surprise at others finding it so, I am told I am still an attractive man.  But charming or attractive as I am told, facing another Friday night alone, hanging out at home with my crazy dog, wasting time watching bad TV, just doesn't sound appealing.


Whah, whah, whah, I know I sound like a Debbie Downer.  And, as I've written before, being pitiful is never sexy.  But, it is my blog, I get to write about what I want and how I feel.  Dating has ups and it has downs.  I try to remind myself that writing a blog on dating will reflect my experience, both positive and negative.  It has just been so negative lately, it would seem whining about it wouldn't be appealing to my readers.

Okay, okay...deep breath, deep breath. Things will get better.  Hard to believe at times, perhaps...but they will.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

 "As Time Goes By" performed by Billie "Lady Day" Holiday. Composed by Herman Hupfeld for the 1931 Broadway Musical "Everybody's Welcome" but more famously known for Dooley Wilsons' version in the 1942 movie "Casablanca".

Daddy Haiku #3

I like my gray hair.
I like my hazel/green eyes.
They tell who I am. 

You Know You Are Getting Old When.....

Not long ago (Sunday, April 22, 2012) in a posting entitled, "Younger Than Spring Time..."

I wrote about how and by whom I was 'imprinted' with regards to the type of guy it is to whom I am attracted.

As I wrote at the time, "John Kerr was an actor who played, " 2LT Joseph Cable, USMC " in the movie version of, "South Pacific". Tall, slender, almost slight, at an early age (7 perhaps) I know he made my 'fun parts' tingle. After seeing him wonder around shirtless and barefoot, then making love' to Liat (a beautiful, Pacific Islander girl played by, France Nuyen), I was hooked."

Well, my 'imprinter' recently passed away (John Kerr Obituary).  Maybe I am weird, but learning that Mr. Kerr had died has added to the log pile of occurrences making me more acutely aware of my mortality.  Sigh, getting old is not for weak of heart.

I never got to meet Mr. Kerr in person and, as you can read in his Wikipedia entry or his IMDB posting, he hasn't led a public life in many years. I wonder, had I been able to meet him how he would have felt at being informed of the lasting effect he had on me.  Funny isn't it, how some of the most insignificant things that we do sometimes have major impacts on others, without even knowing what we've done or even that we've made any impact at all.

As I wrote at the time, there are times that I wish I'd imprinted on someone else.  It is the orthodoxy, at least here in Seattle, that a short, stocky, hairy, older is only allowed to be attracted to others of his own type.  Well, right or wrong, for good or ill, I am stuck with an attraction to taller; lean, almost slight guys, with nice feet.  Instead of, "Damn you, John Kerr! Damn you to h*ll!," as I teasingly wrote in that earlier article, now I write seriously, "Thank you, John Kerr! Thank you all the way to heaven."  To me, you'll always be, "Younger than Spring Time."

At least, that is what, THIS DADDY thinks.

The classic 1958 Rogers & Hammerstein movie. Rights belong to MGM and 20th Century Fox and others. This video viewable everywhere except Germany.

Once again, I received the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he was kind enough to send it in response to some of my postings, so I'd like to share it with the other readers.

 ... as the song is sung...
... "we are finding who we are"...
(king's x - impressive catalog)
... so who i am...
... is as oft unknown to me...
... as it is to you...
... though in this becoming...
... and unbecoming...
... perhaps we both...
... are better men now...
... than then...
... and if faith rewards...
... most excellent in character...
... in yon fore when...
... and i will pray your year...
... more wonderful...
... than you know mine shall be...
... and that you shall have...
... resilience...
... as you are full of "why"...
... and shall have...
... patience...
... as others are...
... and, of course...
... in addition to being...
... well read...
... and well laid...
... that you are...
... well loved...
blessings from the kingdom of the two seas.
laeth

Nice is as nice does.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

My Song of the Sea

Moscrop choir 2009 spring concert

Kind Note from a Reader #2

Once again, I received the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he was kind enough to send it in response to some of my postings, so I'd like to share it with the other readers.

 ... as the song is sung...
... "we are finding who we are"...
(king's x - impressive catalog)
... so who i am...
... is as oft unknown to me...
... as it is to you...
... though in this becoming...
... and unbecoming...
... perhaps we both...
... are better men now...
... than then...
... and if faith rewards...
... most excellent in character...
... in yon fore when...
... and i will pray your year...
... more wonderful...
... than you know mine shall be...
... and that you shall have...
... resilience...
... as you are full of "why"...
... and shall have...
... patience...
... as others are...
... and, of course...
... in addition to being...
... well read...
... and well laid...
... that you are...
... well loved...
blessings from the kingdom of the two seas.
laeth

Nice is as nice does.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

My Song of the Sea

Moscrop choir 2009 spring concert

Will you look at the man? He's a Freudian delight; he crawls with clues!

As I re-read, 'The Caine Mutiny,' as I do sometimes two or three times a year, I am often struck by how much I identify with one of the characters.  I did so before I joined the Navy, have done so for the nearly 34 years I've been in the Navy, and probably will do so long after I am retired from the Navy.  Oddly, it isn't Willie, nor is it Maryk.  I actually identify with Queeg.  Funny, how a literary character can have such an impact.  My 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. O'doan, once told me (when I commented on how much I enjoyed Mr. Wouk's work)  that she didn't think much of his work because the characters in his books lack depth. I didn't agree then, and I agree even less so now.  Every time I read the book, I find different and new things.  I see the characters and their actions in new ways.  Part of this, I am sure, is that as we age, our perspectives change and such.  But to my mind, this experience is more a case of well written characters, written by a master who had embued the characters with shades of colors that, like an old, oriental rug, which changes color and becomes more exquisite and beautiful, even as it fades.  I often find myself using Queeg as a prism through which I see both the good and bad qualities of my character.  Like him, I am short and pot-bellied, though I have a full head of dark hair.  I suffer from anxiety, which manifests itself as irritation.  I am shy and awkward around strangers. Those are some of the bad qualities.  The good:  I believe in service.  I try to do things right.  The Navy is one of the most important things in my life.  I don’t think I’d be able to experience this phenomena, if not for how multi-layered and deep is the Queeq character.  I’ve read almost all of Mr. Wouk’s works of fiction.  In each I have found the sense of place and time compelling.  When I read the book, I can smell the rotting potatoes, I can feel the quiver of the old ship when she crashes into the dock in Oakland., I am transported to the Clip Shack.  Having always had a fascination for Four-pipers (and their various permutations), I almost feel as though I’ve been aboard one.  I went recently to a WWII veterans reunion for a group of APD veterans (APD’s being one of the permutations through which the four-pipers went, though one focused on troop transport, not mine sweeping).  The old salts were all shocked that a young buck (compared to them) like me would attend.  Having read the book so many times, the description of life aboard the rusty, old Caine, so vividly described, as I listened to their stories, it was like I had been right there with them.  Is the book perfect, perhaps not.  Do I have some nagging questions, yes  (for example, how can Queeq be so much older than the members of his wardroom, when he only graduated from USNA in 1936?  In 1944, with only 8 years of service, how can he be so wizened an old LCDR?) .  But do I feel transported back to a time and place I can only imagine?  Yes. And isn’t that one of the most important things a well-written book does for the reader?  Yes.

Once of my most prized possessions is a first addition of, ‘The Caine Mutiny,’ signed by Mr. Wouk.  It is probably the closest I’ll ever come to meeting him.  It is prominently displayed in my living room.  I point it out whenever I have guests. Ooops, I am starting to sound like a gushing school girl, which I’ve tried to avoid.  So as not to ruin my strict military officer personae, I’ll stop and just say, “That Herman Wouk, he sure writes great books, dang great books.”

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Trailer for 'The Caine Mutiny' directed by Edward Dmytryk. 1954.

Ask This Daddy, Question Number: 1

One function of being a, 'Daddy,' is offering advice and counsel to the young men who seek you out.  A nice young man with whom I correspond recently asked the following question, 'This Daddy, can a person ever ask "too many" questions?'  As he explained, recently two separate people had pointed out that he seems to "interrogate"  people in face-to-face conversations.  He, on the other hand, thinks he is just simply asking for a better understanding. In different conversations with the two individuals, both became upset by the perceived, "interrogation" and he received criticism for asking too many questions. Further, in our chat, he wondered whether or not the nature or topic of the conversation might have put the other person on the defensive, perhaps having hit a nerve, or perhaps fear of the question may have turned both conversations into very disruptive arguments.  Reportedly, the nature of both conversations were different - one was seeking better understanding about a TV show; and, one was about Dad/lad relationships.

My response, 'It depends on the context of the situation in which the questions were asked.'  In my experience, there are times when a question is asked to which:

the answer seems obvious, so no answer is required;
the answerer may not be able to articulate the answer clearly, even to himself;
or some ambiguity might exist, making a black and white answer impossible.

During one of our very first social outings, my former young man (Sam) asked me, 'which of Seattle's parks is your favorite?' My answer, 'I like different parks for different reasons.' He became irritated thinking I was refusing to answer the question, I became irritated because he kept asking for clarification, making me feel badgered. To this day, when we chat on the phone or Skype, when I want to rib him about some question he asks,  I respond with a, 'I like different parks/'movies/beers for different reasons' kind of answer. It always makes us both smile when I tease him like that. Younger guys often tend to be more black and white in their thinking, while older men see more shades of gray.  So to me, I was giving a perfectly clear answer.  To him, I was being unreasonably obtuse, or as his put it, "willful."

An example from the media is found in the book(s), play, musical play, and movie(s) featuring a character called, "Auntie Mame."* The story involves a young man who is sent to live with his wild and crazy aunt upon the death of his father.  Being the precocious young man he is, every time he hears a word he doesn't understand, he asks his poor aunt.  One morning, after a wild party, very early in the morning, he sneaks into her room, blows a trumpet, waking her up with a start.  Hung over, she is barely conscious when he starts in with his word questions.  Her response is to hand him a notebook and a pencil and tell him, 'Whenever you hear a word you don't understand, write it down in your notebook.  Once a week we'll sit down and go through the list.'  Like Auntie Mame, it is a Dad's role to teach and to mentor.  But, sometimes, like with anything, it can become wearying.  So sometimes, no matter how hard it might be, the younger guy, when receiving an "obtuse" answer should just say, 'okay,' in the moment and ask for clarification later.


In the discussion about Dad/lad relationships, perhaps it was difficult for the Dad to articulate the answer. Every Dad/lad relationship (like any other) has its own rules and accepted norms.  So, to many a Dad, having to explain their take on such relationships is a little like that old expression made popular by Supreme Court Justice, Potter Stewart, paraphrased here, 'I may not know how to define what is pornography, but I know it when I see it.' It may be easy for the Dad to intuit the type of relationship it is that he seeks, he may just not know exactly how to articulate when questioned. 

Sam, my former young man, and I used to tangle all the time over my touch of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  He do some innocuous thing (drop some clean sheets on the floor while making the bed, for example) which would set it off.  My form of OCD revolves around defining what is 'clean' and what is 'dirty.'  So having dropped the sheets on the floor, they were now, "dirty," therefore not for use in making the bed.  In other words, he'd do something perfectly reasonable in his mind,  that in my twisted, little brain caused something that was supposed to be "clean", "dirty."  Stupid, I know, but I'd get upset.  His response would be to say something like, 'Hey, I am fine doing/not doing X, you just need to tell me the rules which apply, so I can understand them.' I'd argue back that the reason he should or should not do something was so obvious, it shouldn't need a 'rule' or an explanation.  Being 'weird' about cleanliness, for example, it seems obvious to me that after having had sex, a guy wouldn't just get up and grab his cellphone and start texting, without first having washed his hands.  I mean, I don't know how other guys have sex, but to me almost any way you do it, when you are done, your hands are going to be covered in cum and other body fluids.  Would you want your Mom picking up your cellphone after you did that?  No, GROSS. Similarly, it grosses me out when I am with a guy who tries to get all cuddle and stuff, after sex, having gotten up to pee and returned to bed having not washed his hands.  Both, to me, are equally obvious.  Such actions spread cooties, therefore are "Bad" and shouldn't need a rule or require an explanation for not doing them.  Don't get me wrong, I get that I am a complete freak.  I make not claim that my 'rules' are right. But right or not, they seem so obvious, I have a hard time, reasonably or not, not being irritated when challenged on them. 

Communication in any relationship is challenging.  While very hard to do, it is important to develop the skill of understanding that different people communicate in different ways.  So, the people that were accusing my young correspondent were wrong to assume he was "interrogating" them and he was wrong to not have learned to read the signals of their distress at feeling "interrogated."

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Auntie Mame - Trailer

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auntie_Mame_(film)

Helpful Hints for Homos...Well, and Anybody Else

It's funny.  Being an old dude (50), I've seen several trends (skinny jeans, wide jeans, long hair, short hair, disco, goatees) come and go during my long, long, LONG lifetime.  You know you've been around too long when the hip things (music, fashion, social norms) become 'retro,' then 'retro-hip,' then the new norm, think skinny jeans.

Well, one of those 'hip' things that seems to be popular once again is:  pot.  Okay, so pot never really went away, but its common use across socioeconomic groups is once again 'hip.'  I've gotta tell ya, I just don't get the appeal.  Especially when it comes to making out with, having sexy with, showing affection to someone that reeks of the stuff.  Does anybody think that kissing someone covered in the stench left behind by weed is sexy?  I sure don't.

I know smoking it is supposed to give you the munchies and for some folks, it makes them horny, but like eating a raw onion or a garlicy dinner...smoking pot and then kissing someone, especially someone who hasn't been doing the same thing....gross.  It, at least for me, truly kills the mood.

As you know, my dating life of late has been pretty limited.  But, oddly I think, as I've said many times before, I get offered sex way more often than I care to admit, most of which I turn down.  But, as luck would have it, recently I was offered that opportunity to spend some quality daddy/lad time with a hot, young, 21 year old I met through Daddyhunt.  Tall, slender, smooth; big juicy round, firm ass, nice feet....the whole package...alas, despite efforts on his part to have fresh breath (he'd clearly brushed and used mouthwash), as our playtime went on...the onions and pot he'd clearly consumed before our meeting started interfering with the fun...it isn't appealing to kiss someone with onion and pot breath....it just isn't.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Alvin and the Chipmunks - Pass the Dutchie - Musical Youth