When you experience a breakup, especially if you both feel that continued contact is important, it is vital to stop tearing each other up. It isn't good for either of you Do you each need to be introspective about what you've done wrong and right, about how you behaved, yes. Should you learn from any mistakes that were made, yes. But, if you continue to tear yourselves up over what was supposed to be something good (the love you shared), all that will do is taint it and ruin it.
If you've loves someone and it was a 'good' love, it seems to me that together or not there is a need for the love to have meant something. No matter how things ended up, it is important that the love was a 'good' love, a healthy one, and one that deserves to be cherished. I am sorry if believing those things make me seem like a needy desperado, but this is what I believe.
For all the pain and heartache I am experiencing with then end of my relationship (or at least the romantic part thereof) I am currently experiencing, I wouldn't trade it what we had. I just wouldn't. Being with him didn't make me happy, nobody could do that. But, being in that relationship allowed me to express the happiness I bury deep inside. No relationship is perfect, and breakups are almost never so. And, perhaps with the distance in time, things seem much 'rosier' than they actually were. But, being with him brought a joy and spirit that my life was sorely lacking. He made me feel sexy, made me take myself less seriously, and made me experience new things. And, the most important: he seemed to 'get' me. He was able to look past the gruff, grumpy, rumpled, old military officer to find the loving person I tend to hide. With all of he turmoil and chaos we are currently experiencing, during all of our introspection, I am pushing that we don't forget all the good things. It is important for those things to have been real.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Maria Men - The Art of Forgiveness