An Opinionated Daddy's View of Life

Monday, April 30, 2012

I Thought the Whole Being Gay and in the Military was Okay

Apparently not.  At least not according to one of my many 'admirers' on a website on which I have a profile from whom I received the following missive:

Dear Commander:

Although I support completely the right to expression, I do question this when it is used to exemplify self-interest and that which is in poor taste.

Your 'lifestyle' choice is fine; it is your decision, it does not harm either yourself or others (hopefully) but I do question whether it is appropriate to exemplify this through your professional (sic) standing. In one sense it is not dissimilar to a senior manager of say, Barclay's Bank or Shell Oil using his employer's name publicly to pursue his own personal interests: riding on another's back, so to speak - a somewhat perverse form of self-aggrandisement at the expense of his/her employer. In this case, the US Navy.

I personally take exception both as a former US Navy Line Officer but more so as a civil libertarian who sees little relevance in your self-exposure as a homosexual naval officer at the expense of the profession as a whole. I should think that having achieved the rank of commander you would have come to understand something of the nature of discretion and respect of one's office and what it represents in the public sense, and one's position in authority. These are qualities that one seeks to encourage in one's subordinates in the chain of command - or are they?

As a one-time 'sea lawyer' trained in Newport to advise both Command and personnel in matters of the UCMJ while afloat during the horrid Viet Nam exploit, I came to appreciate the necessity of maintaining a balanced and objective view of one's responsibilities in execution of my duties.

I am not particularly proud of having been party to the murder of countless thousands of people in an illegal and immoral military power play by our government madmen. Part of the execution of my duties however, was also to represent my uniform in a positive light, placing my own personal interests elsewhere. It was this understanding that resulted in the crew of my 497ft ship developing a trust and respect for me as a person and as an officer, far exceeding what any 'official' manual of conduct might try to impose. After all, actions do speak louder than words.

Such actions as you are presenting representing your own narrow view of 'right' I (respectfully, Sir) I suggest are both counter-productive and a distortion of the concept of freedom of expression.

Faithfully yours,

(He inserted his initials and former title here)

Below is my response:

I am sorry to have taken so long to respond to your missive. Things are crazy at the moment.

First, let me thank you for your service. I value and appreciate your patriotism, even if it was in support of an inappropriate war.

I do, though, take issue with some of your comments.

First, I think you should ask yourself if in your experience you really did learn the, "
necessity of maintaining a balanced and objective view..." If you had read my profile (author's note:  in that profile I list a series of questions on topics that confuse me, guys who claim to be tops but then show pictures of their butts, for example) closely, you would have noticed that at no point did I state that my comments are anything other opinion, my opinion, to be exact. I make no insinuation that my 'right' is any more right than that of another. It seems odd that you assail me for my, "own narrow view of 'right'...", suggesting it is a, '...distortion of the concept of freedom of expression.' Isn't that an assault on my right to freedom of expression? You are being more than a tad hypocritical.

As to using a picture of myself in uniform (
Author's note:  like wearing a tuxedo, it is pretty hard to look bad in a set of chocker whites, aren't we supposed to show our best when on a dating site?), I am proud, very, of my service. I've worn the uniform for nearly 33 years. It is my opinion that you must harbor a deep sense of internalized homophobia if you believe that by openly declaring myself as, 'a homosexual naval officer...' it is, ' the expense of the profession as a whole.' If this were or some other straight website, you'd not question my choice of profile picture. Perhaps it has escaped your notice that there are websites devoted to people seeking to date both gay and straight members of the military.

I have spent my entire adult life in service of protecting people's right of freedom of expression and other so-called American values. God willing, I will continue to do so.

Actions do speak louder than words. I respectfully submit that perhaps you should consider your actions in questioning my right of free expression by sharing my opinion in my profile and using a picture of myself in uniform. Part of leadership is leading by example. Of all of the comments I've received, other than yours and one other, the vast majority have been positive, including from some very young sailors, soldiers, Marines, airmen, and Coasties. It is those opinions I value. They are the future. You and I are the past. 

So, gentle readers, I seek your opinion.  Is it wrong to include a picture of myself in uniform in profile on a gay dating site?

Sigh, I thought this crap was over.  

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Anchors Aweigh,  1944
Distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Warner Home Video (DVD)
Release date(s) July 14, 1945

Sunday, April 29, 2012


Author's note: sometimes it is good to go back and revisit previous writings to see if they still hold up and to see if, given perspective (and wider readership), new questions or comments will arise from readers. Over the next couple of weeks I'll be re-running some pieces from the early days of my blog, in addition to some new pieces, so some long term readers may have already read the re-runs. Whether or not you've done so, I encourage you to comment on either the new or old pieces.

One of the truisms in the Daddy/Hunter culture is that all Daddies spend their time perpetually in search of the 'perfect' boy? Unfortunately, for some of us, this is all too true. As our culture is so focused on youth, it can be hard to swim against this tide. We ‘grow up’ in this culture being inculcated with this thinking. If we go along with it, though, aren't we damning ourselves to a life of disappointment, set up for failure by holding onto unreasonable expectations? In THIS DADDY’s experience there are lots and lots of single, younger Hunters who, against all odds, think older Daddies are hot. They are crawling all over the Internet, searching and searching for a hot Daddy to date. All you have to do is look on Daddyhunt, or other such venues and see profile after profile of younger Hunters looking to date older Daddies. Sure, some of these profiles are fake, some of the Hunters are flakes, some have more issues than almost anybody could deal with, but still. Why do so many worthy older Daddies pass by equally worthy younger Hunters, both ending up alone on a Saturday night? I know why: unrealistic expectations. Sure, in a perfect world, hot young Hunters would throw themselves at older Daddies. They'd be forever young and beautiful, and always ready to get down and get 'funky' with their favorite Daddy. But, this isn't a perfect world. Maybe it is time to start considering a 'boy' over 30 or, heaven forbid, even over 40). Maybe it is time to at least try to see if 'chemistry' works with Hunters a little outside your normal 'comfort zone'. What do you have to lose? Nothing. And maybe you have a great deal to gain. At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Uploaded by mahal31 on Sep 28, 2006

JohnnyC remembering Dad's

Why is it that so many Hunters think if they haven't found 'the one' by age 25, they are doomed to spinsterhood? I've never understood that.Sure, our culture glorifies youth, but how many 25 year olds are really ready to have, mature enough to have, and stable enough to have a 'real', lasting, long term relationship? While chatting online, younger guys often tell me, sometimes very hot, younger guys mind you, that nobody will ever want to date them, that they'll never be loved, etc. This thinking is just plain wrong. Having that kind of attitude is going to seriously impact your appeal. If you become one of those cynical, bitchy, defensive guys, so negative to be around or so desperate for a relationship that the 'stink' of it radiates from you, nobody will ever want you. Or, you'll end up in a relationship that is unhealthy, dating an older guy, any OLDER guy, just because he is the only one who expresses interest.Too many of us are in love with the idea of being 'in love', without really knowing what it means and what it takes to create and maintain a relationship. Personally, and remember, this is coming from a guy who dates younger guys exclusively, many just aren't yet 'ripe' for a serious relationship until they reach their late 20's or early 30's. They may still be in college or they haven’t found the right career or they may not even live in the place where they’d like to settle.Sure there are exceptions and sure, some guys are more mature for their age than others. But really, most guys in that age range just aren't in a place in their lives that will 'fit' a serious relationship. They just don’t possess the stability or have enough life experience and dating experience to know when they've found 'the one'. This can sometimes be hard for both younger and older guys to accept. Some Hunters get so anxious to have a relationship, they end up getting 'burned' by older guys who only want them because they have hot bodies and can f*ck (or get f*cked) all night.I don't know about other Daddies, but THIS DADDY finds lots of Hunters who are in their late 20's, early 30's, and even 40’s hot. Guys of that vintage are still young enough to appear boyish, yet are more likely mature enough and stable enough to be taken seriously by someone older. So buck up boys and girls. Take your 20's to have fun.But don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you act like a total slut, unless that is your natural inclination, but being young is about learning what fits, not making things fit. Don’t worry about finding 'the' relationship.Trust me, at some point, some nice Daddy will come along and you'll have lots of stuff in common and you'll date and create a lasting and satisfying relationship.At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.

(Written for and published by on 18 SEP 2010:

Millie Small - My Boy Lollipop (Ziu-Teck Hot Remix) DjDziubsoon

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Younger Than Spring Time...

Have you ever taken the time to think about why it is you are attracted to whom you find attractive? I don't mean, why you are gay, or anything. That is just how you are. I mean, being gay is just your nature, so, that is a given. But what is it that makes you lust after bears, or twinks, or redheads, etc. defines the word imprint this way:
im·print [n. im-print; v. im-print] Show IPA
1. a mark made by pressure; a mark or figure impressed or printed on something.
2. any impression or impressed effect: He left the imprint of his thought on all succeeding scholars.

I think to whom we are attracted (again, not the fact that we like guys, but the type of guys we like) comes from an 'imprint' that happens at a critical stage in our development as sexual beings. I can't tell you for certain why it is that I like guys with nice feet, that imprinting happened far too long ago for me to remember. I can tell you with certainty, though, not only from where my attraction for guys that are my 'type' comes from, but the actually individual who set the imprint: John Kerr ( or

John Kerr was an actor who played, " 2LT Joseph Cable, USMC " in the movie version of, "South Pacific". Tall, slender, almost slight, at an early age (7 perhaps) I know he made my 'fun parts' tingle. After seeing him wonder around shirtless and barefoot, then making love' to Liat (a beautiful, Pacific Islander girl played by, France Nuyen), I was hooked.

Would it be nice if my 'imprint' was someone different, Dick Butkus, say, sure. Being chunky, hairy, and older, it is the type after which I am expected to lust. Sometimes does chemistry trump type, sure (see an earlier piece called, "The Tyranny of Type"). But the heart wants what the heart wants (or in this case, the d*ck wants what the d*ck wants).

In my case, what the heart (or d*ck) wants is a taller, skinny, lean, almost slight guy, with nice feet. Damn you, John Kerr! Damn you to h*ll!

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Uploaded by on May 24, 2011
The classic 1958 Rogers & Hammerstein movie. Rights belong to MGM and 20th Century Fox and others.

Author's note: don't get the wrong idea, I have no interest in being the, "Liat." I want someone who looks like John Kerr to be the Liat to my 2LT Cable.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Daddy Haiku #2: I Like Kissing Lads

I Like Kissing Lads
Lads Used to Like Kissing Me
Sigh, those were the days

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Rude is As Rude Does

Another of my myriad diatribes on the topic of rudeness by people to others whom they do not know.

Below are messages I received in response to my profile on website I frequent:

From Lustysex (
Sunday, January 15, 2012 12:53 PM
Why do you continue to project a negative image for the Navy. The Navy uniform is
sacred and professional.

From Lustysex (
Sunday, December 25, 2011 12:13 PM
I doubt you're a Commander.

I believe these snarky comments are sent to me because I have the gall to be open about the fact, in my profile, that I am in the military.

I agree completely with Lusty that the uniform is both sacred and professional. I also agree that, especially with the recent repeal of DADT, it is a show of pride to state openly that one is in the military on a gay-oriented website.

What I disagree with is someone, especially someone who has likely never served, flaming someone else for a choice they've made about what to put or depict in one's profile on a public website.

I guess I am just too much of an officer and a gentleman to understand this kind of rudeness because, yes, I really am a Commander. Sigh.

At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Fashion: Ethan Shoshan

Fashion: Ethan Shoshan

Fashion : Ethan Shoshan

An interesting website. At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

There Never Was A Baby Like My Baby

'I love being partnered. I'd love to be partnered again. But I just can't find him, not anywhere, not even close.' Elaine Stritch, in her show, "Elaine Stritch at Liberty":

There never was a baby like my bady
No other baby ever had that smile
Since he's gone, I just can't be a cry baby
Cause my baby made life worthwhile

There never was another guy or doll baby
Who looked exactly like my valentine
He was specially designed for me
And if you want his double, brother are you in trouble

Never no never, a baby, like mine

There never was another doll or guy baby
who looked like my valentine
He was specially designed for me
And if you want his double, brother are you in trouble

Never no never a baby like mine.

From: Two on the Aisle is a musical revue with a book and lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green and music by Jule Styne.

Happy Birthday, Sam. 28. Yow, that is old, gosh!