Subtitle:

An Opinionated Daddy's View of Life

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Fuck Buddy: Healthy or Harmful?

http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog/2010/11/the-fuck-buddy-healthy-or-harmful

Published by Daddyhunt on November 23, 2010
by: Robheartsdh (http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog/author/robheartsdh)

In these modern times, fuck buddies have come to serve a spectacular void in the space between one night stands and long term relationships. Really it all depends on how you use them, and use them we do. We use them to get off, use them to take our minds off someone else, use them to pass the time: they're pretty handy when it comes to quick fixes. FB relationships can go on for years with varying levels of frequencies, and yet few seem to evolve into anything more (which in most cases is exactly the point). However, they do tend to reach a breaking point of some kind. Whether it's disinterest from one party or too much interest from another party, they really aren't that different from actual dating.

The tricky part is knowing how to navigate the often blurred lines of fuck buddyship and make sure you come away from it unscathed. Here are some of the more common signifiers of both healthy and harmful fuck buddy situations:
Healthy

* You can text him and he can call you without any worry of rejection. You may not be available some nights but at least he'll know there'll be a raincheck.
* You both know exactly what you've signed up for. Whether that's just sex or sex with intent to cuddle, both of you know what's about to go down when you get the call.
* Your feelings are kept in check al all times, and even though he may send flirtatious text messages the day after, you know that's it's simply a way of saying we're still on for next month's session.
* In this fuck buddy situation, you're both getting what you need and you leave each other mutually satisfied.
* You both know when the fucking has run it's course and more importantly, you let your buddy know that you've met someone and can't fool around anymore.
* Finally, a solid fuck buddy relationship is one that can be picked up at any moment no matter the time that's passed in between.

Harmful

* You rush right over when you get a 3 AM text to come over and fuck, and he doesn't respond when you ask him the do the same. At a decent hour no less.
* You try to make the fuck buddy session more than it is by trying to include something date-like to the night, like dinner or a movie or giving him your grandfather's pocket watch.
* You start to develop feelings for your buddy. Or vice versa and you continue on as if he doesn't.
* Your buddy gets off, but you do not.
* You get jealous if you see him out with another guy.
* You use the fuck buddy relationship as crutch to avoid building meaningful relationships.
* You leave a date to have sex with your FB.

As with any relationship, there tends to be a lot of gray, which is why it's important to set expectations up early and make sure you're satisfied with what you're getting from your fuck buddy. At the end of the day, any relationship is about reciprocated respect.

THIS DADDY RESPONDS: Can such a relationship be healthy? Absolutely.

Can such a relationship (see article above) be healthy? Absolutely. That said, like most things in life they can be healthy, but only when experienced in the proper way. Barebacking can be healthy, done in the right context, for example.

I agree completely with Rob's rules. I've had several long-term fuck buddies over the years, granted, usually in places to which I travel frequently on business, rather than in my home city, but still. There is a boy, for example, in HI with whom I've shared many, many a fine time for almost 8 years. He no longer lives on the island to which I travel most often, so I don't get to see him anymore, but we could and would clearly pick up right where we left off if we happened to be in the same place at the same time.

The 'feelings' things does sometimes become an issue. It can certainly be difficult to keep from crossing that line, depending on one's place in life as the relationship is unfolding, say of one person happens to be single and the other isn't. At least I have found it so, especially when the guy is amazingly sexy, a great lay, and the type you'd prefer to date, if at all possible.

Still, as long as both parties are clear that the relationship has a level beyond which it will not rise, both are clear that at some point it may end, and both guys remain clear on these points, in their way, FB relationships can be quite satisfying and healthy.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

To be Cut or Uncut, That is the Question.

In a recent blog posting on Daddyhunt, a writer commented (http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog/2010/11/cut-for-content#comment-4735), "It is incomprehensible to me that a guy can make it to his second sexual experience, much less full adulthood, without knowing how often and how thoroughly to clean his junk. How does that happen?”

My answer: It happens because there is a generation of guys who have been taught that the western cultural attachment to frequent bathing is 'bad', who were also raised by parents who believed that circumcision is wrong.

I am a 48 year old, uncut, Irish-Italian Daddy. Many guys, American guys anyway, my age are cut. For many years of my formative dating life, by the Hunters that I dated who were much closer to my own age, I was considered a bit of a novelty. Often, in fact, guys sought me out because I was 'natural' rather than 'unnatural.' I am told the feel of the skin rolling back and forth between someone's lips during oral sex or when surrounded by a sphincter during intercourse is quite pleasurable.

The novelty began to wear off when I started dating guys a generation or more younger (such as the 26 year old I am dating now). It is much more common for American guys of those generations to be uncut, many of them having been raised by parents who grew up essentially as hippies in the late 60's and 70's. The good news for those guys: mommy and daddy left them just the way nature intended. The bad news for those guys: mommy and daddy also taught them that bathing as often as we American's tend to do is bad; it ruins the natural 'oils' of one's skin.

How do I know this? Well, I've gone through this over and over again with the Hunter I see. He is one of those boys who grew up 'natural' and being taught that bathing more than every couple of days was 'bad'. I love being uncut. Except for a brief period during junior high school when I was the only uncut guy I knew, you know how hard it is to be 'different' in at that age, I've always been glad to be uncut. He is also glad to be uncut. So, here we are two uncut guys together. Our 'uncuttedness' is different (my foreskin pulls back all the way when I am hard, his doesn't), but still, we are both happy to be just the way god made us. The one area where we differ, though, is how often we give the undersides of our foreskins a good scrubbing. He believes it is damaging to use soap in an area of such sensitivity (even when he does shower, he doesn't use soap down there), while I scrub that area to within an inch of its life. This is one of those relationship things about which we often argue. I believe his being 'musky' is less than appealing and he believes I am destroying the skin on my pecker which he loves so much.

That said, as big a supporter of 'natural' versus 'unnatural', I get why people don't like it. Take it from me, when you are in bed with someone uncut who hasn't taken a shower in a couple of days, when they peel back that foreskin, you KNOW they've not bathed. Don't get me wrong, I like the healthy, natural smell of a hot guy as much anybody else. The smell of someone who's just worked out can be hot. Heck, as a guy who loves rimming as much as I do, while I like a Hunter's hole to be clean, I still know that an asshole is going to taste like an asshole. But, the intense smell that can come from an uncut guy who hasn't bathed in a while is a major turn off.

I am not suggesting people keep the areas under their foreskins constantly spotlessly clean. Being uncut, I can tell you that isn't always possible. But, I do agree that if you are an uncut guy, unless you know your partner is really, REALLY into 'natural' smells, perhaps a little rinse under the tap or the quick, subtle use of a baby wipe before an amorous encounter will likely make your partner happier and therefore your time together more enjoyable for you both.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.