Tuesday, December 28, 2010
At least the is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Monday, December 27, 2010
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I think by nature I am pretty 'paternal'. I think every good Daddy possesses this natural quality. Nature aside, one of the things I love about being a Daddy most is the range of 'services' which I can provide. I can be lover, fantasy fulfiller, friend, mentor, advisor, and many other things. At times I can be all of those things, some of those things, or just one them, depending on the situation and the needs of the Hunter involved and needs of my own.
I had a very nice experience recently, with an old 'semi-regular' Hunter, with whom I'd not spent time in quite a while. I've written of him before (He is the one who once said, "Oh, I could never date someone as old as you", though he was 31 at the time, I was 42 or 43 and we'd just finished having hot, monkey sex, still lying naked and sweaty in my bed.) We've known each other for oh, probably 5 years, give or take, often chatting online or via email. We've also probably spent ten to twelve lovely afternoon together. Aside from the shear pleasure of getting to spend time with him again, I got to use all of those "Daddy" qualities listed and more.
The sex was amazing, always is, always has been (quality = lover). His romantic interest won't provide him with the aggressive, driving sex I do. His partner is of similar age and not interested in the whole 'Daddy/Hunter', so he comes to me for that (quality = fantasy fulfiller). We are very comfortable with each other, affectionate, etc. (quality = friend). As we are so comfortable with each other, he talks to me about his relationship, his feelings, his hopes, his dreams. He knows he can be totally honest with me, and I'll listen, and give him what advise and counsel I can offer (quality = mentor/advisor), or just hold him and let him talk.
Some might find it odd that having just ravaged him, us both now lying naked, sweaty and spent in my bed, I'd find myself exercising some of the more paternal 'Daddy' qualities listed above. Not me. During our time together he spoke of the physical passion he has for me, yes, but also the value he places on the other aspects of our 'relationship'. He expressed happiness at always being able to open up to me, to tell me things he can't tell tell his lover, even asking at one point, 'why is it so easy for me to talk to you about this stuff when I can't do it with my partner." He commented on how he feels (as do I), that while we do seek each other out for sex, the friendship, respect, and value we place on each other have as great an impact as does the sexual spark on bringing us together. It is clear that the time we share is special and something we each cherish.
Like anything, sometimes being a Daddy is hard. Life is never perfect. But on the whole, I wouldn't trade the "job" of 'Daddy' for the world.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Director: Michaline Babich 14 mins., USA
Best Dramatic Short: Fort Worth Film Festival
West Hollywood hottie Hugo (Joey Tuccio) gets more than he bargained for when he seeks solace in a one-night stand with an older guy in Beverly Hills (Richard Courtney).
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Published by Daddyhunt on November 23, 2010
by: Robheartsdh (http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog/author/robheartsdh)
In these modern times, fuck buddies have come to serve a spectacular void in the space between one night stands and long term relationships. Really it all depends on how you use them, and use them we do. We use them to get off, use them to take our minds off someone else, use them to pass the time: they're pretty handy when it comes to quick fixes. FB relationships can go on for years with varying levels of frequencies, and yet few seem to evolve into anything more (which in most cases is exactly the point). However, they do tend to reach a breaking point of some kind. Whether it's disinterest from one party or too much interest from another party, they really aren't that different from actual dating.
The tricky part is knowing how to navigate the often blurred lines of fuck buddyship and make sure you come away from it unscathed. Here are some of the more common signifiers of both healthy and harmful fuck buddy situations:
* You can text him and he can call you without any worry of rejection. You may not be available some nights but at least he'll know there'll be a raincheck.
* You both know exactly what you've signed up for. Whether that's just sex or sex with intent to cuddle, both of you know what's about to go down when you get the call.
* Your feelings are kept in check al all times, and even though he may send flirtatious text messages the day after, you know that's it's simply a way of saying we're still on for next month's session.
* In this fuck buddy situation, you're both getting what you need and you leave each other mutually satisfied.
* You both know when the fucking has run it's course and more importantly, you let your buddy know that you've met someone and can't fool around anymore.
* Finally, a solid fuck buddy relationship is one that can be picked up at any moment no matter the time that's passed in between.
* You rush right over when you get a 3 AM text to come over and fuck, and he doesn't respond when you ask him the do the same. At a decent hour no less.
* You try to make the fuck buddy session more than it is by trying to include something date-like to the night, like dinner or a movie or giving him your grandfather's pocket watch.
* You start to develop feelings for your buddy. Or vice versa and you continue on as if he doesn't.
* Your buddy gets off, but you do not.
* You get jealous if you see him out with another guy.
* You use the fuck buddy relationship as crutch to avoid building meaningful relationships.
* You leave a date to have sex with your FB.
As with any relationship, there tends to be a lot of gray, which is why it's important to set expectations up early and make sure you're satisfied with what you're getting from your fuck buddy. At the end of the day, any relationship is about reciprocated respect.
I agree completely with Rob's rules. I've had several long-term fuck buddies over the years, granted, usually in places to which I travel frequently on business, rather than in my home city, but still. There is a boy, for example, in HI with whom I've shared many, many a fine time for almost 8 years. He no longer lives on the island to which I travel most often, so I don't get to see him anymore, but we could and would clearly pick up right where we left off if we happened to be in the same place at the same time.
The 'feelings' things does sometimes become an issue. It can certainly be difficult to keep from crossing that line, depending on one's place in life as the relationship is unfolding, say of one person happens to be single and the other isn't. At least I have found it so, especially when the guy is amazingly sexy, a great lay, and the type you'd prefer to date, if at all possible.
Still, as long as both parties are clear that the relationship has a level beyond which it will not rise, both are clear that at some point it may end, and both guys remain clear on these points, in their way, FB relationships can be quite satisfying and healthy.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
My answer: It happens because there is a generation of guys who have been taught that the western cultural attachment to frequent bathing is 'bad', who were also raised by parents who believed that circumcision is wrong.
I am a 48 year old, uncut, Irish-Italian Daddy. Many guys, American guys anyway, my age are cut. For many years of my formative dating life, by the Hunters that I dated who were much closer to my own age, I was considered a bit of a novelty. Often, in fact, guys sought me out because I was 'natural' rather than 'unnatural.' I am told the feel of the skin rolling back and forth between someone's lips during oral sex or when surrounded by a sphincter during intercourse is quite pleasurable.
The novelty began to wear off when I started dating guys a generation or more younger (such as the 26 year old I am dating now). It is much more common for American guys of those generations to be uncut, many of them having been raised by parents who grew up essentially as hippies in the late 60's and 70's. The good news for those guys: mommy and daddy left them just the way nature intended. The bad news for those guys: mommy and daddy also taught them that bathing as often as we American's tend to do is bad; it ruins the natural 'oils' of one's skin.
How do I know this? Well, I've gone through this over and over again with the Hunter I see. He is one of those boys who grew up 'natural' and being taught that bathing more than every couple of days was 'bad'. I love being uncut. Except for a brief period during junior high school when I was the only uncut guy I knew, you know how hard it is to be 'different' in at that age, I've always been glad to be uncut. He is also glad to be uncut. So, here we are two uncut guys together. Our 'uncuttedness' is different (my foreskin pulls back all the way when I am hard, his doesn't), but still, we are both happy to be just the way god made us. The one area where we differ, though, is how often we give the undersides of our foreskins a good scrubbing. He believes it is damaging to use soap in an area of such sensitivity (even when he does shower, he doesn't use soap down there), while I scrub that area to within an inch of its life. This is one of those relationship things about which we often argue. I believe his being 'musky' is less than appealing and he believes I am destroying the skin on my pecker which he loves so much.
That said, as big a supporter of 'natural' versus 'unnatural', I get why people don't like it. Take it from me, when you are in bed with someone uncut who hasn't taken a shower in a couple of days, when they peel back that foreskin, you KNOW they've not bathed. Don't get me wrong, I like the healthy, natural smell of a hot guy as much anybody else. The smell of someone who's just worked out can be hot. Heck, as a guy who loves rimming as much as I do, while I like a Hunter's hole to be clean, I still know that an asshole is going to taste like an asshole. But, the intense smell that can come from an uncut guy who hasn't bathed in a while is a major turn off.
I am not suggesting people keep the areas under their foreskins constantly spotlessly clean. Being uncut, I can tell you that isn't always possible. But, I do agree that if you are an uncut guy, unless you know your partner is really, REALLY into 'natural' smells, perhaps a little rinse under the tap or the quick, subtle use of a baby wipe before an amorous encounter will likely make your partner happier and therefore your time together more enjoyable for you both.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Friday, October 8, 2010
The gay community, like others, enforces certain 'standards' when it comes to appearance. Youth and 'beauty are prized above all else. These standards then reflect upon who (or is it whom) we are 'allowed' to date. Allowed, that is, by the peer pressure we receive if we chose to date someone outside the expected 'range'.
I often hear from various Hunters with whom I speak comments like, "I love being f*cked by a hot daddy, but I could never date one. My friends would make fun of me if did." I've been the recipient of this sort of 'pressure' myself. When my most recent relationship first began, the young man was very nervous about introducing me to his friends, worried how they'd react to his dating someone old enough to be his father (he is 26, I am 48). He spun it, of course, that the issue was really around 'interests' and such, that he was concerned about the lack of interests between his group of friends and me. When I pressed him, he admitted that it really had little to do with a potential lack of things in common, rather he was worried that he'd be pinged on by his running buddies for dating old guys. I've had similar experiences in less 'serious' relationships. I was semi-regular FB's with a really, REALLY hot younger guy (smooth, body of a marathon runner, total bottom, an amazing appreciation for aggressive sex). He was, in fact, the first person to actually call me 'Daddy' during certain intimate moments. At a certain point in our friendship, I mentioned that if the situation was a little different, I was recently out of a serious relationship from which I'd yet to recover, I'd pursue romantic relationship with him. His response, "Oh, I could never date someone as old as you". He was 31 at the time, I was 42 or 43. We'd just finished having hot, monkey sex, still lying naked and sweaty in my bed. He was perfectly happy to spread his legs for me, and call me 'daddy' while I mounted him or tongued his hole, but date someone my age, no way.
The reverse is also true. Many of my friends have commented that my recent relationship couldn't possibly be of consequence, because the fellow is so young. I've more than once been jokingly referred to as a 'cougar', 'cradle robber' or 'troll' even by close friends. My parents only ever refer to him as my 'friend' or my 'buddy', not boyfriend, believing it impossible that we could be dating. I've heard from many Daddies that as much as they like dating younger guys, they are also criticized by their peers for doing so.
When it comes to two consenting adults, I believe it is unacceptable for society to dictate to us in whom we should fall in love or with whom it is acceptable for us to create a relationship. The heart wants what it wants. The dick wants what it wants.
Okay, some guys set their standards so high as to be unrealistic, making the chance of finding love nearly impossible. I believe many use these standards as a self-defense mechanism, to make up for being gay,("if the guy I date is so totally hot, nobody will be able to criticize me for being gay, or fat, or short, etc., etc., etc.). But these are actions, people do to themselves. It is not acceptable for society or our peers to do the 'limiting' for us. I believe that to each his own. If my standards are so high that I can't find anybody who meets them, and I end up alone every Saturday night, fine. I am doing that to myself. But nobody else gets to do it for me.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The New York Times
September 30, 2010, 11:57 am
Gray, Gay…and Worried
By PAULA SPAN
David and his partner, Paschal, together for more than 20 years, married during the brief period that same-sex marriages were legal in California. They’re in their 60s, in decent health and financial shape. Yet thinking about their future makes David uneasy.
With an eldercare system (if you can call it a system) that depends on younger family members shouldering responsibility for older ones, perhaps any childless and aging couple would share his concerns. But gay men and lesbians face particular challenges, as David pointed out to me in a recent e-mail.
Let him count the ways. “The guys who are 65 and older now generally came of age, and came out, when doing so meant alienation from your family,” David wrote. “Many of the older gays I know are still estranged.” They don’t feel they can rely on younger relatives for help.
David and Paschal (citing privacy concerns, they asked that their full names not be used) expect to have to care for themselves — not because they’re estranged from family members, but because their nieces and nephews live far away. So David is considering other options.
If the couple wanted to retire to Paschal’s home state in the South, where senior housing communities would be much less expensive, “we’d have a hard time finding a life care facility that would accept us as a married couple,” David wrote. “And I doubt the other residents would be too welcoming if we did get in. And church-sponsored places — often a good value for straight folks — are largely not available for open gays.”
A number of researchers have found that, for those reasons, older gay men and lesbians sometimes conceal their sexual orientation when they enter nursing homes or assisted living facilities, effectively recloseting themselves at one of life’s most vulnerable passages.
At older ages, too, a number of the federal policies that protect married couples come into force, leaving gay men and lesbians, even those who marry in their own states, at a comparative financial disadvantage. Paschal’s Social Security benefits, for instance, are considerably greater than David’s, but David won’t be eligible for the spousal and survivor benefits that other widowers receive should something happen to Paschal.
Inheritance and tax laws that protect opposite-sex spouses don’t apply (although federally regulated retirement plan distributions have been made more equitable). Nor do Medicaid provisions that allow one spouse to remain in the couple’s home when the other enters a nursing home.
A study by the Urban Institute and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation documented many of these inequities in 2004, and its conclusions remain largely unchanged.
“It was a different world for people now in their 70s and 80s,” said Sandra Butler, professor of social work at the University of Maine, who has studied aging among gay men and lesbians. “Anybody fears going into a nursing home, but it’s an added fear if you think you might not be safe there, or you think you can’t find a paid caregiver to come into your home who will treat you with respect.”
One bright spot, David pointed out, are the friendship networks that sustain many lesbians and gay men. He saw this community in action when its members nursed one another (and buried many) during the height of the AIDS crisis. “There are often emotional supports available that are not based in a biological family, but are real and valuable assets,” he wrote.
But such “families of choice” may be less effective later in life, as members cope with age-related illnesses and frailty themselves.
Organizations that serve the gay population recognized these issues more than 30 years ago. The oldest group for seniors, Sage (an acronym for Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders), was founded in 1978 and will unveil a new, federally financed National Resource Center on LGBT Aging next month.
A few housing and care facilities especially for gay seniors have opened around the country, including Openhouse in San Francisco, Rainbow Vista near Portland, Ore., and Rainbow Vision in Santa Fe, N.M.
The most encouraging development for gay seniors may be the most intangible: a long-term shift in American attitudes.
“The gay rights movement has been a spectacularly successful movement for cultural change,” Andrew Koppelman, a law professor at Northwestern University, declared in a New York Times article last week. The so-called post-Stonewall generation may have less to fear as it ages.
But that change hasn’t come fast enough to reassure David as he mulls his future with Paschal. “This list of anxieties can get quite long,” he said.
Paula Span is the author of “When the Time Comes: Families With Aging Parents Share Their Struggles and Solutions.”
I live alone (well except for a spoiled, willful, ill-behaved border collie) in a small house near a big lake, that couldn't be less well suited to age in if it tried. While the place has 6 doors which allow access from the outside, none of them can be reached without going up or down a flight or two of stairs. The bedroom is all the way at the top of the house, the laundry room is all the way at the bottom of the house. I am already telling people that when I renovate the downstairs, I'll turn the bathroom down there into a 'handicap accessible' room. Whenever I tell folks this they are shocked, "But you are so young. Why are you thinking about this stuff now?" Okay, 48 is hardly 'old', but being a single gay man of a certain 'vintage', one is forced to begin to think about this stuff.
My young man and I have recently had conversations on this topic. While we are blessed to be sharing this time together, we each realize that our time together may be limited (for example, he is leaving the Pacific NW soon for graduate school in another state). It was very sweet when he recently offered to make a 'pact'. He wanted to 'commit' to being there for me, despite our likely no longer being romantic partners, if and when I became unable to take care of myself (say when the spoiled, ill-behaved border collie knocks me down the stairs and I break a hip). I don't know how realistic this might be, but it was both sweet and thoughtful of him to want to 'honor' our time together in this way, however long this time might last. I am a very lucky man.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
While it may be true that 40 is the new 30, 30 no longer being considered 'gay death' as it was in my day, it is still the case that many in our culture devalue men of the more 'mature' set. Many young guys worry about aging and fear it will result in the end of their romantic lives. While it may have taken me many years to figure this out, I truly believe that nothing could be further from the truth.
While I never would have thought this when younger, I feel empowered by growing older. I have a patience and an appreciation for life that I greatly lacked when I was younger. I hope both of these qualities continue to increase as the years fly past. I love my gray hair (well, salt and pepper at this point, but still). Sure, I wish I was skinnier. And sure, I wish I was more successful. In some ways I am more of a 'never was' than a 'has been', as there is much in my life I hoped to achieve and did not. But, how many of us really achieve all of the goals we set for ourselves?
I don't know about other guys, but I've found myself doing a lot of 'evaluating' lately of my life, where it has been, and to where I hope it will go. Part of this evaluating, may have to do with the landmark which was my 30th high school reunion. But, perhaps only a little, as I was sort of in evaluating mode well before that august event.
Never known for having a perky attitude, at 48, I am happier than I've ever been. I turn down more sex than I ever thought someone at my age would be offered. I have good friends; I've experienced love again; I have a house I love; and, I am finding new skills and interests that would never have occurred to me as few as ten years ago.
Is life perfect? No. Will I experience personal and professional disappointments again, yes. But on the whole, is life good? Yes.
So, I'd say being an 'Elite kind of guy' isn't a bad thing, it is a good thing. A very good thing.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Monday, October 4, 2010
One of the truisms in the Daddy/Hunter culture is that all Daddies spend their time perpetually in search of the 'perfect' boy? Unfortunately, for some of us, this is all too true. As our culture is so focused on youth, it can be hard to swim against this tide. We ‘grow up’ in this culture being inculcated with this thinking. If we go along with it, though, aren't we damning ourselves to a life of disappointment, set up for failure by holding onto unreasonable expectations? In THIS DADDY’s experience there are lots and lots of single, younger Hunters who, against all odds, think older Daddies are hot. They are crawling all over the Internet, searching and searching for a hot Daddy to date. All you have to do is look on Daddyhunt, or other such venues and see profile after profile of younger Hunters looking to date older Daddies. Sure, some of these profiles are fake, some of the Hunters are flakes, some have more issues than almost anybody could deal with, but still. Why do so many worthy older Daddies pass by equally worthy younger Hunters, both ending up alone on a Saturday night? I know why: unrealistic expectations. Sure, in a perfect world, hot young Hunters would throw themselves at older Daddies. They'd be forever young and beautiful, and always ready to get down and get 'funky' with their favorite Daddy. But, this isn't a perfect world. Maybe it is time to start considering a 'boy' over 30 or, heaven forbid, even over 40). Maybe it is time to at least try to see if 'chemistry' works with Hunters a little outside your normal 'comfort zone'. What do you have to lose? Nothing. And maybe you have a great deal to gain.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I've DONE the whole bar thing. I had my heart broken. I’ve gotten fired. I've been poor. I’ve lived in a cold, damp, noisy studio apartment, subsisting on Top Raman, sleeping on a futon. I've been at the stage of life at which you find yourself, really. So, sometimes when I give advice, it would be nice, if you actually took it. Sure, I am not always right, and sometimes perhaps I should just keep my big mouth shut. But, really, I didn't get this far, without learning a few things. That doesn't mean I should be a bossy pr*ck who controls your life, but it does mean I have valuable insight to offer and sometimes you might want to just shut up and listen, even if just to humor us sometimes. One of the classic reasons, aside from our hot bodies and impressive sexual prowess, Hunters chase after Daddies is because we are more ‘mature’, ‘stable’, ‘experienced’. In all the years I’ve been a Daddy, I’ve seen many repetitions of what I’ve come to think of as the cycle of life of a typical ‘Daddy/Hunter’ relationship. Hunter meets Daddy. Daddy and Hunter have a ‘connection’. The attraction is fierce. The sex is great. The romance is intense. As things progress, the Daddy engages in the mentorship and experience sharing natural for an older guy, infatuated with a younger one. At first, the Hunter eagerly listens to everything the Daddy says, taking all of this thoughtfully offered advice and counsel in. Time passes. The infatuation cools. The routines of daily life begin to intrude. The Hunter starts making more and more of his own decisions, less and less often seeking the Daddy’s advice. The Hunter wants more and more to be respected for his intelligence and maturity, and less and less to be lusted after for his hot body and sexual skills. This makes many a Daddy frustrated, he does value his young swain for things other than his hotness, but as a Daddy, he wants to be respected and valued for his experience and maturity. So he bears down, giving more and more advice and more strongly insisting the Hunter take it. They clash, mean things are said, feelings are hurt, and the relationship ends. Look, being a Daddy does not give someone the right to be a patronizing manipulator, dominating the life of another, though some Daddies do live up this unfortunate stereotype. I would hope that any Hunter who was dating someone like that would get the h*ll out of such a relationship. It does mean, however, that Daddy has knowledge and experience of value that, being a Daddy, he is compelled to share. A smart Daddy learns when to press and when to step back maybe even knowing that the Hunter he loves is going to crash and burn. Personal growth occurs through learning life’s lessons. Sometimes it takes making a mistake, maybe even a big one to grow. A smart Daddy remembers this fact. A smart Hunter, though, quickly learns that sometimes Daddy really does know best.
At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Monday, September 27, 2010
NOTE TO HUNTERS #4: THERE WERE PROBABLY OTHER HUNTERS BEFORE YOU, AND THERE WILL PROBABLY BE OTHER HUNTERS AFTER YOU.
As a Daddy, I have a dating history. It is a basic fact of life. For good or for ill, that means some of that dating history will 'leak' into my relationship with you. Maybe I don’t like it, maybe you don’t like it, but there it is. Nobody is perfect. Nobody’s relationship slate is completely clean, unless they are a virgin. Dating a virgin, of course, has its own issues, but I digress. We learn something new from each relationship into which we enter, each relationship informing the next. In some cases, Daddy may have been dating since before you were born. When Daddy talks about his ‘ex’, for example, he is probably talking about someone he dated and lived with for over a decade, someone who broke up with Daddy via email, while Daddy was away at the war, dumping Daddy for some nelly skeez the ex was poking behind Daddy’s back. When you, dear Hunter, talk about your ‘ex’, you are more likely talking about some guy you dated for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, until the sex wore off and you found out what a crashing bore he really was. Both experiences might be quite painful, and both will likely leave marks, but the difference in havoc wreaked for each is quite vast. It means that Daddy probably has lots and lots more ‘baggage’ in regards to relationships than do you, some good baggage, some bad. In a perfect world, any bad baggage would not translate from one relationship to another. I hate to break it to you, boys and girls, but this isn’t a perfect world, the bad baggage does linger. At this stage in life, a practiced Daddy likely has a clearer idea of what he seeks in a relationship and what he hopes to get out of it. Daddy knows how relationships work, and, if he is smart, that sometimes even the best relationships end. This can be good, or bad. Daddy has, hopefully, learned to be more patience or tolerant, rather than learned to be more stiff, less willing to compromise. It isn’t like this is a new idea, but every relationship is about compromise. For a relationship to succeed both Daddy and Hunter need to have realistic expectations about each other and to communicate these expectations clearly. The clearer everybody is, the more they communicate, the higher the likelihood of success. And isn’t that we all want when entering a relationship, for it to succeed?
At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.
(Written for and submitted for publication by www.daddyhunt.com. Publication pending. http://www.daddyhunt.com/blog)