NOTE TO DADDIES #3: HUNTERS HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES AND INSECURITIES.

This, dear Daddy brothers, seems obvious. And yet, often when chatting with other Daddies, I hear them express their frustrations at their dealings with the Hunters in their lives. I hear concerns expressed about their beau’s level of maturity, range of common sense, and even, sometimes, lowered levels of self esteem. Younger guys, especially much younger guys, are naturally going to bring a unique set of issues into any relationship. Many, as did many of us, suffer from what I like to call, “The Lost Boy Syndrome”. Being gay, they may never have grown up in regards to dating and romance. While young, they weren’t afforded the opportunity to learn some of the most basic romance-related skills that straight folk learn as they develop, or that older Daddies have learned, having dated for many years. They didn’t get to have their first kiss at 16. They didn’t have notes passed around in middle school, at least not by those they wished were doing so, talking about how cute they are. So, suddenly they find themselves at 25 having their first ‘crush’; or, at 29, having their first ‘serious’ relationship, dealing with all the feelings and reactions which result from these ‘firsts’ can be quite difficult. Like having the measles, experiencing this stuff as an adult, is much worse than at 16. I am often shocked, shocked, I tell you, to chat with some hot, HOT, and I do mean, HOT Hunter, only to hear him express doubts about his attractiveness, or worry that he’ll never find love. Not all Hunters have issues like these, of course, but some, perhaps many do. Part of our ‘job’ as Daddies is to recognize that as hot as they may be, as mature as they may seem, they are, in many ways, still ‘boys’. Which, after all, isn’t that one reason why we love them so? It is our job to be patient, supportive, and loving. If we can learn to do these things, the Hunters in our lives will be much happier and therefore, and so will we. And isn’t that life is all about?

At least the is what THIS DADDY thinks.

NOTE TO DADDIES #2: NOT ALL HUNTERS ARE THE SAME (TASTES, INTERESTS, NEEDS, DESIRES).

As THIS DADDY has said before, gay culture, not unlike others, is often all about stereotypes. The ‘Daddy/Hunter’ community is certainly no different. Ironically, just as Daddies are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Twinks, Hunters are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Daddies who look like Tom Selleck, drive BMW’s, live in lofts, have the financial resources to jet a Hunter to Manhattan on a whim to shop for Prada. This is a load of bunkum. Just as Daddies have a multitude of tastes and desires, so do Hunters. I don’t know about you, boys and girls, but many times I’ve been online chatting, and have seen some Daddy saying some self-deprecating, negatives things about himself. Things like, ‘oh, at my age, my dating life is over’, ‘oh, I am not rich enough or successful enough to find a Hunter’, ‘Oh, I am HIV positive, nobody decent will ever want to date me again.’ As much as I hate to admit it, THIS DADDY himself has been guilty of this kind of negative self-talk. It is easy to fall into this trap. But it is a trap, my fellow Daddies, a deep, dark trap into which you must not allow yourself to fall. I was single for over 3 years after a very serious 10 year relationship, which ended very badly, before I found myself in a new relationship. Having given up on the idea of ever having a serious relationship again, I met a nice young man on Daddyhunt (wow, who’d a thunk it?) Neither of us expected anything serious to come of it, but, as these things sometimes happen, something serious did. If it could happen to me, it could certainly happen to you. Sending out a message that reeks of desperation, or having a piss-poor, negative attitude about yourself, those are things likely to prevent you from being successful at dating. Realizing what it is you have to offer, being confident in who you are, those are things that are likely to help you a quality Hunter with whom you can share your life.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Trip to Boise Haiku

We went to Boise.

They spoke of large, French, peckers.

I drank soft rose.

BEING, 'DADDY', THE HARDEST JOB YOU'LL EVER LOVE.

I love being a 'Daddy'. If you've read any of my previous writings, you know just how true is that statement. I have a house I love, a crazy dog I adore, and I've gotten to spend the last two years with a very high quality, young man, who has brought me much joy and pleasure.

I think by nature I am pretty 'paternal'. I think every good Daddy possesses this natural quality. Nature aside, one of the things I love about being a Daddy most is the range of 'services' which I can provide. I can be lover, fantasy fulfiller, friend, mentor, advisor, and many other things. At times I can be all of those things, some of those things, or just one them, depending on the situation and the needs of the Hunter involved and needs of my own.

I had a very nice experience recently, with an old 'semi-regular' Hunter, with whom I'd not spent time in quite a while. I've written of him before (He is the one who once said, "Oh, I could never date someone as old as you", though he was 31 at the time, I was 42 or 43 and we'd just finished having hot, monkey sex, still lying naked and sweaty in my bed.) We've known each other for oh, probably 5 years, give or take, often chatting online or via email. We've also probably spent ten to twelve lovely afternoon together. Aside from the shear pleasure of getting to spend time with him again, I got to use all of those "Daddy" qualities listed and more.

The sex was amazing, always is, always has been (quality = lover). His romantic interest won't provide him with the aggressive, driving sex I do. His partner is of similar age and not interested in the whole 'Daddy/Hunter', so he comes to me for that (quality = fantasy fulfiller). We are very comfortable with each other, affectionate, etc. (quality = friend). As we are so comfortable with each other, he talks to me about his relationship, his feelings, his hopes, his dreams. He knows he can be totally honest with me, and I'll listen, and give him what advise and counsel I can offer (quality = mentor/advisor), or just hold him and let him talk.

Some might find it odd that having just ravaged him, us both now lying naked, sweaty and spent in my bed, I'd find myself exercising some of the more paternal 'Daddy' qualities listed above. Not me. During our time together he spoke of the physical passion he has for me, yes, but also the value he places on the other aspects of our 'relationship'. He expressed happiness at always being able to open up to me, to tell me things he can't tell tell his lover, even asking at one point, 'why is it so easy for me to talk to you about this stuff when I can't do it with my partner." He commented on how he feels (as do I), that while we do seek each other out for sex, the friendship, respect, and value we place on each other have as great an impact as does the sexual spark on bringing us together. It is clear that the time we share is special and something we each cherish.

Like anything, sometimes being a Daddy is hard. Life is never perfect. But on the whole, I wouldn't trade the "job" of 'Daddy' for the world.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.



Solace
Director: Michaline Babich 14 mins., USA
Best Dramatic Short: Fort Worth Film Festival

West Hollywood hottie Hugo (Joey Tuccio) gets more than he bargained for when he seeks solace in a one-night stand with an older guy in Beverly Hills (Richard Courtney).