The Forgiveness Factor #2

Author's note:  second in a series of 3.

One of the things that is hardest to do is too look someone in the eye that you feel you've wronged in some way.  It can cause embarrassment or shamed or wounded pride.  In experiencing any of these feelings, or other related feelings, it is important not to resent the person.  Self preservation often makes people 'blame the victim.' Natural it might be, health it isn't. If someone loves you, if he has any level of maturity, will likely believe those feelings are unnecessary. 

If the love is/was real, you will remain, right or wrong, a major part of his life.  You may moving onward and upward, and perhaps chaos, turmoil, and recrimination may be a way of breaking the emotional ties that bind the two of you together.  Again, not healthy.

If, having hurt someone without meaning to do so, you may believe you don't deserve continued love or connection.  You may even somehow come to resent the 'lover' for being willing to continue loving you, even though you've caused so much pain.  Well, those feelings are on you.  I wrote recently in my blog that I am someone that needs to give love.  Granted, I'd like to be someone who is loved, but to me that is secondary to the giving of love.  Needing to give love is a powerful thing.  For me, I continue to love and care about each of the men I've loved.  Maybe that is selfish on my part.  Maybe in a way, by taking out the need to give love, it cause too much pressure and strain, making an end to the connection harder. 

I don't know.  For me, though, telling someone I love them means that I do.  I am the one, for heaven's sake, who lives in a house 80 feet away from the man I spent 10 years with, who dumped me for some borderline, retarded, nelly, skeez with whom he took up while I was away at the war.  Yet, we still see each other regularly and he even keeps one of the cars (and a couple of assorted motorcycles) in may garage.  Weird, perhaps.  But, for me love may change, but it never disappears entirely.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Lee Fields and the Expressions, "Still Hanging On"