NOTE TO DADDIES #5: SOMETIMES HUNTERS REALLY DO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.

You know, pushing 50, THIS DADDY would like to think he’s learned a few things. In many of the contexts of life, work, love, etc., THIS DADDY has been there and done that. After dating for over 25 years, I thought I’d learned everything possible and experienced it all. But you know what? It turns out that I was wrong. After being alone for 3 years, I found myself dating a nice young Hunter I met on Daddyhunt. Not my type at all. I tend to date really masculine, stable to the point of boring guys, who, while on the one hand they might love to cook, on the other their idea of a good time is fixing the plumbing. Hairy, messy, overtly intellectual (he reads Kant for fun), utterly unable to cook, no use around the house, prone to flightiness, at first, neither of us thought our involvement would come to anything of substance. We both acknowledged from the start that he was too young (mid-twenties) and too unstable (he hated the city in which I live, was planning on going away to graduate school) for us to have a ‘serious’ relationship. True to form, in this relationship as in others, I was my usual gruff, curmudgeonly self. I was bossy, insisting that everything was my way or the highway. I am the Daddy, after all. I think I figured, what’s the harm. He isn’t going to be around long anyway. You know what? Unlike others, some Hunters, some not, I’d dated through the years, he called me on my crap. He wasn’t afraid to tell me when I hurt his feelings or when he thought I was being bossy just to be bossy. In doing so, he made me think about my patterns of behavior. He taught me to be, or at least think about being, more patient and less authoritative. He even taught me that it is tolerable to find dirty socks lying around the house in all sorts of weird places and learn to accept cabinet doors being open all over the house. If an old dog like THIS DADDY can learn new tricks, especially from a young puppy, perhaps you can too. Personal growth occurs through learning life’s lessons. A smart Daddy would be wise to remember this fact. While it is definitely true that sometimes, most times really, Daddy does know best, sometimes a Hunter can teach his Daddy a thing or two.

At least this is what THIS DADDY thinks.

David - Dir. Roberto Fiesco 14 minutes


Unemployed businessman José, looking for work in the city, finds instead David; a much younger man who whilst mute, has no problem in communicating his desire for sex.


Roberto Fiesco is the producer of Broken Sky, Bramadero and Raging Sun, Raging Sky.

DAVID is part of the DVD collection:
BOYS ON FILM 5: CANDY BOY

Intergenerational Gay Dating: Older Men for Younger Men

By: Robert H. Hawkins

http://www.abcarticledirectory.com/Article/Intergenerational-Gay-Dating--Older-Men-for-Younger-Men/1030754

"To each his own," my mother used to say, and as long as you're not hurting anyone--who am I to judge?

This is not a scientific study, but rather a summary of observations I've made about younger men for older men over the past two years while working for an online gay dating service.

Also, I will only discuss with adults over 18 that express an interest in intergenerational gay dating.

While working on an online relationships site, I've noticed an fascinating occurrence of intergenerational gay dating. I'm not sure how many gay men are attracted to other adult men of significantly different ages. But I've definitely noticed that there are a lot of mature men seeking less mature men, and plenty of younger men who want to meet older men as well. Someone might have detailed statistics on how many men are into intergenerational gay relationships, but through discussions and contacts, I've heard some very interesting insights.

Some younger guys tell me that they've been attracted to older men since they first realized they had same sex attractions. Likewise, they often report sensing that many older men seemed to be similarly attracted to them. Younger guys who are attracted to mature men have told me that they sometimes feel alone with these feelings, and that even their closest pals don't sympathize so much.

I've even spoken to one guy in his 40's who tells me that as he grows older, he's attracted exclusively to guys 20 years or more his senior! The guys around my age (and even some older) who are attracted to older men have told me that what attracts them most for younger men for older men is that they are more sophisticated, experienced, and level-headed than others in their generation.

Conversely, I've also had some in-depth discussions with a couple of older men for younger men. They explain to me that they feel more comfortable with younger, more energetic and optimistic partners... and that finally, they've been lucky enough to find younger guys who reciprocate their feelings.

Now, I have to point out one thing that came up in nearly every talk I've had. A lot of older men seem to be nervous that younger men view them only as sugar daddies. Interestingly, a lot of younger men seemed nervous about the same thing.... that they would be perceived as beggars, on the hunt for a rich gay sugardaddy. It seems that in these trouble times, suspicion gets the better of everybody. Again, who am I to criticize the motives of others? As long as you're not exploiting anyone....

Most interesting to me of all is that with all the solitude they deal with, they actually are out for a real relationship... or at the very least a genuine no-strings-attached encounter. But money grubbing is the last thing on their minds.

It's a simple matter of "to each his own," and thankfully the Internet has been able to bring the members of this community, with their intergenerational adult feelings, together.

Article Source: http://www.abcarticledirectory.com

Robert Hawkins is a Stanford graduate computer scientist. Over the past few years while working for a dating service, he's been fascinated by the dynamics of online relationships, and has collected many interesting observations about intergenerational gay dating. More at www.intergengay.com/

Note: The content of this article solely conveys the opinion of its author, Robert H. Hawkins

NOTE TO DADDIES #4: THERE MAY HAVE BEEN DADDIES BEFORE YOU, AND THERE WILL PROBABLY BE DADDIES AFTER YOU.

THIS DADDY imagines that all Daddies dream that they’ll meet the perfect Hunter. They hope that they’ll fall in love, their lives will be complete, and the two of them will go riding off into the sunset on their Harley, living happily ever after. One of the hardest things about dating younger guys, is the knowledge up front that these relationships often have a limited shelf life. Daddy/Hunter relationships are all about learning, sharing, and growing, growing sometimes meaning moving on. As corny as it sounds, these relationships can be sort of like the ‘circle of life’. So, it is quite possible, unless he is a virgin (or you are the first Daddy with whom he’s been), the Hunter with whom you fall in love has been with a Daddy before. Like you, that Daddy likely had strong opinions on all sorts of topics: monogamy, moving in together, safe sex, etc. So, what does that mean for you? It means that sometimes the Hunter you love will say things or do things that to you seem illogical. Sometimes he will get upset about things that you do or don’t do or insist on things that to you seem ridiculous. Is he right, maybe. Are you right to find this frustrating, maybe. But if you understand this going into the relationship, and you have frank discussions about issues as they arise, you are both more likely to be happier. Besides, it is quite possible that you will learn something, which I always a good thing. However it works out, a brief time shared, or a lifetime of love, try to find a way to find enjoyment in every minute you share together.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

NOTE TO DADDIES #3: HUNTERS HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES AND INSECURITIES.

This, dear Daddy brothers, seems obvious. And yet, often when chatting with other Daddies, I hear them express their frustrations at their dealings with the Hunters in their lives. I hear concerns expressed about their beau’s level of maturity, range of common sense, and even, sometimes, lowered levels of self esteem. Younger guys, especially much younger guys, are naturally going to bring a unique set of issues into any relationship. Many, as did many of us, suffer from what I like to call, “The Lost Boy Syndrome”. Being gay, they may never have grown up in regards to dating and romance. While young, they weren’t afforded the opportunity to learn some of the most basic romance-related skills that straight folk learn as they develop, or that older Daddies have learned, having dated for many years. They didn’t get to have their first kiss at 16. They didn’t have notes passed around in middle school, at least not by those they wished were doing so, talking about how cute they are. So, suddenly they find themselves at 25 having their first ‘crush’; or, at 29, having their first ‘serious’ relationship, dealing with all the feelings and reactions which result from these ‘firsts’ can be quite difficult. Like having the measles, experiencing this stuff as an adult, is much worse than at 16. I am often shocked, shocked, I tell you, to chat with some hot, HOT, and I do mean, HOT Hunter, only to hear him express doubts about his attractiveness, or worry that he’ll never find love. Not all Hunters have issues like these, of course, but some, perhaps many do. Part of our ‘job’ as Daddies is to recognize that as hot as they may be, as mature as they may seem, they are, in many ways, still ‘boys’. Which, after all, isn’t that one reason why we love them so? It is our job to be patient, supportive, and loving. If we can learn to do these things, the Hunters in our lives will be much happier and therefore, and so will we. And isn’t that life is all about?

At least the is what THIS DADDY thinks.

NOTE TO DADDIES #2: NOT ALL HUNTERS ARE THE SAME (TASTES, INTERESTS, NEEDS, DESIRES).

As THIS DADDY has said before, gay culture, not unlike others, is often all about stereotypes. The ‘Daddy/Hunter’ community is certainly no different. Ironically, just as Daddies are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Twinks, Hunters are often tarred with the notion that they are only interested in dating Daddies who look like Tom Selleck, drive BMW’s, live in lofts, have the financial resources to jet a Hunter to Manhattan on a whim to shop for Prada. This is a load of bunkum. Just as Daddies have a multitude of tastes and desires, so do Hunters. I don’t know about you, boys and girls, but many times I’ve been online chatting, and have seen some Daddy saying some self-deprecating, negatives things about himself. Things like, ‘oh, at my age, my dating life is over’, ‘oh, I am not rich enough or successful enough to find a Hunter’, ‘Oh, I am HIV positive, nobody decent will ever want to date me again.’ As much as I hate to admit it, THIS DADDY himself has been guilty of this kind of negative self-talk. It is easy to fall into this trap. But it is a trap, my fellow Daddies, a deep, dark trap into which you must not allow yourself to fall. I was single for over 3 years after a very serious 10 year relationship, which ended very badly, before I found myself in a new relationship. Having given up on the idea of ever having a serious relationship again, I met a nice young man on Daddyhunt (wow, who’d a thunk it?) Neither of us expected anything serious to come of it, but, as these things sometimes happen, something serious did. If it could happen to me, it could certainly happen to you. Sending out a message that reeks of desperation, or having a piss-poor, negative attitude about yourself, those are things likely to prevent you from being successful at dating. Realizing what it is you have to offer, being confident in who you are, those are things that are likely to help you a quality Hunter with whom you can share your life.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Trip to Boise Haiku

We went to Boise.

They spoke of large, French, peckers.

I drank soft rose.

BEING, 'DADDY', THE HARDEST JOB YOU'LL EVER LOVE.

I love being a 'Daddy'. If you've read any of my previous writings, you know just how true is that statement. I have a house I love, a crazy dog I adore, and I've gotten to spend the last two years with a very high quality, young man, who has brought me much joy and pleasure.

I think by nature I am pretty 'paternal'. I think every good Daddy possesses this natural quality. Nature aside, one of the things I love about being a Daddy most is the range of 'services' which I can provide. I can be lover, fantasy fulfiller, friend, mentor, advisor, and many other things. At times I can be all of those things, some of those things, or just one them, depending on the situation and the needs of the Hunter involved and needs of my own.

I had a very nice experience recently, with an old 'semi-regular' Hunter, with whom I'd not spent time in quite a while. I've written of him before (He is the one who once said, "Oh, I could never date someone as old as you", though he was 31 at the time, I was 42 or 43 and we'd just finished having hot, monkey sex, still lying naked and sweaty in my bed.) We've known each other for oh, probably 5 years, give or take, often chatting online or via email. We've also probably spent ten to twelve lovely afternoon together. Aside from the shear pleasure of getting to spend time with him again, I got to use all of those "Daddy" qualities listed and more.

The sex was amazing, always is, always has been (quality = lover). His romantic interest won't provide him with the aggressive, driving sex I do. His partner is of similar age and not interested in the whole 'Daddy/Hunter', so he comes to me for that (quality = fantasy fulfiller). We are very comfortable with each other, affectionate, etc. (quality = friend). As we are so comfortable with each other, he talks to me about his relationship, his feelings, his hopes, his dreams. He knows he can be totally honest with me, and I'll listen, and give him what advise and counsel I can offer (quality = mentor/advisor), or just hold him and let him talk.

Some might find it odd that having just ravaged him, us both now lying naked, sweaty and spent in my bed, I'd find myself exercising some of the more paternal 'Daddy' qualities listed above. Not me. During our time together he spoke of the physical passion he has for me, yes, but also the value he places on the other aspects of our 'relationship'. He expressed happiness at always being able to open up to me, to tell me things he can't tell tell his lover, even asking at one point, 'why is it so easy for me to talk to you about this stuff when I can't do it with my partner." He commented on how he feels (as do I), that while we do seek each other out for sex, the friendship, respect, and value we place on each other have as great an impact as does the sexual spark on bringing us together. It is clear that the time we share is special and something we each cherish.

Like anything, sometimes being a Daddy is hard. Life is never perfect. But on the whole, I wouldn't trade the "job" of 'Daddy' for the world.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.



Solace
Director: Michaline Babich 14 mins., USA
Best Dramatic Short: Fort Worth Film Festival

West Hollywood hottie Hugo (Joey Tuccio) gets more than he bargained for when he seeks solace in a one-night stand with an older guy in Beverly Hills (Richard Courtney).

The Fuck Buddy: Healthy or Harmful?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

THIS DADDY RESPONDS: Can such a relationship be healthy? Absolutely.

Can such a relationship (see article above) be healthy? Absolutely. That said, like most things in life they can be healthy, but only when experienced in the proper way. Barebacking can be healthy, done in the right context, for example.

I agree completely with Rob's rules. I've had several long-term fuck buddies over the years, granted, usually in places to which I travel frequently on business, rather than in my home city, but still. There is a boy, for example, in HI with whom I've shared many, many a fine time for almost 8 years. He no longer lives on the island to which I travel most often, so I don't get to see him anymore, but we could and would clearly pick up right where we left off if we happened to be in the same place at the same time.

The 'feelings' things does sometimes become an issue. It can certainly be difficult to keep from crossing that line, depending on one's place in life as the relationship is unfolding, say of one person happens to be single and the other isn't. At least I have found it so, especially when the guy is amazingly sexy, a great lay, and the type you'd prefer to date, if at all possible.

Still, as long as both parties are clear that the relationship has a level beyond which it will not rise, both are clear that at some point it may end, and both guys remain clear on these points, in their way, FB relationships can be quite satisfying and healthy.

At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.