It has happened again, I've turned another year older. Yes, boys and girls, today is my 49th birthday. Last year, if you remember, I wrote, about how much I was learning to enjoy aging, how happy I was, yada, yada, yada. This year, not so much.
Oh, I still like my graying hair. I continue to appreciate things in ways in which I wasn't capable, when I was younger. And, as almost anybody who knows me can tell you, I am altogether a better man.
My life at the moment, though, not so much. Most people struggle with the, 'ought' years, 30, 40, 50. I tend to struggle with the '9' years. This is shaping up to be a 9 year in a big, big way.
Last year, I had someone I loved and who loved me. This year, that person is off to grad school on the East Coast, starting a new life, without me. I miss him terribly. Last year, I was in fine health, this year I am diabetic and have chronic neck pain from an accident. Funny, I was just starting to do a better job of eating a proper diet (how many of you practice Meatless Monday's?) and starting to exercise regularly. Last year I had a job I loved, though working for a boss I hated. This year, I like my boss, but my position has changed, my duties downgraded, and my FTE cut to 60%. I was counting down the years until I could retire, now I worry I'll be unemployed.
We all go through periods during which we struggle. This sure is turning out to be a period of struggle for me. I don't know whether going through all of this stuff is harder because I am older (as is having the measles, which is gets harder the older one gets), but when I am really overwhelmed by all of the craziness going on right now, it sure seems like being a older dude doesn't help.
I have the experience to know, 'this too shall pass', so that is good. I also have a house I love (though it is old and falling apart) and a crazy dog I love, but to be honest, I am not sure I've ever felt this lost before. Maybe I am just getting forgetful in my 'old age' and don't remember experiencing periods like this so intensely in the past. I mean, for heaven's sake...the current stuff with which I am dealing is really trying my Zen-like calm and my innate perkiness (inside joke).
Life is, as we all know, all about transitions, some good, some not so good. There really isn't that much we can do about it. Understanding this is a lesson we can all do a better job of learning, I know I sure could. I'm working on it but man, is it tough right now.
Sigh.
At least that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
We all just have to hang in there... and there are always people that seem to have it a little worse off than you. Although that fact may not give you much comfort. It seems that we long for something we once had or strive for something better. Or perhaps just to be content. I personally haven't found happiness, but I am working on it and it is getting a little better every day. Or at least that is what I tell myself...
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