The Look of Love

Have you ever noticed that when people are in love, when they talk to each other (either on the phone, via SKYPE, or in person), they get a goofy look on their faces and their voices change? I used to work with this very brusque, completely professional female Navy officer. Whenever her love slave would call our office, suddenly her voice would drop, and she'd turn into something akin to a purring sex kitten. She'd go from, "Good morning, LCDR V speaking. This is a non-secure line. How may I help you?" in a clipped, totally professional voice to, "Hellllooooooooo, this is Renee, baby" sounding like a combination of Eartha Kitt and Kathleen Turner. It used to make me giggle every time I'd hear it happen. Admit it. We've all done something similar.

Or, have you ever caught yourself calling a former flame by the pet name you used when you were together? Not to ruin my butch, military officer persona, but Michael N was, 'Sweat Pea'. Derek H was, 'Pumpkin'. Paul G was, 'Sweetie'. Sam G was, 'baby'. Gross, I know. Almost as nauseating as that, 'Seinfeld' episode where Gerry and each other constantly referred to each other as, 'Shmoopy'. Anyway, is continuing to sometimes and slip and use a former lover's pet name healthy or even appropriate?

I've been thinking about these behaviors a lot lately, especially following SKYPE conversations with my (now former) young man. When we chat, it seems to me, anyway, we both get these dopey smiles on our faces that people who love each other get. We each seem clearly happy to be both chatting and seeing each other. Most of the time one or the other of us has to make up an excuse for the call to end, because neither seems to want it to do so. I still catch myself sometimes thinking of him as, 'my sweet baboo'. Granted, I never called him that to his face when we were together (a joking reference to what Sally calls Linus in, "Peanuts"), but I'd often think of him, using that term in my mind. If you haven't noticed, I do have a rather odd sense of humor. Or, when talking to the crazy border collie with whom I share the little house near the big lake, I still refer to him as, "Uncle Sam".

I am not sure how to feel about me performing these behaviors. Is it normal to act like this? Is it healthy? Is it appropriate? I mean, maybe I am imagining that he enjoys seeing me and chatting with me as much as I do seeing and chatting with him. Granted, when we were together he grew a beard which he knew I hated (even though it didn't look bad on him at all, I just don't like facial hair on the guys I date and to me, he is beautiful, no matter what) it and now, since he's gone, he's finally shaved off the damned thing, which makes me a tad grumpy. He even got really defensive when I pointed this out to him, claiming having had the beard wasn't to be defiant. Sure, I believe that. I know to him our time together is a distant but pleasant piece of nostalgia (he even uses that word when talking about us). To me, however, it remains more than that. Do I know our time together is over, yes. Do I expect him to ever return to Seattle, no. Still.....

When a relationship ends, I think most folks, unless the relationship was a bad one, miss the person as much as they do the mere fact of having had a relationship. I clearly miss being in a relationship. I think by my nature I am a 'marrying' kind of guy. Before Sam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 10 years. To this day, we are still (sort of) friends. He only lives 80 feet away (trust me, there is a very good reason for that, as I tell him, "My house has two bathrooms and a view of the lake, yours doesn't!), we even still share keys to our houses. I still slip sometimes and call him, 'sweatie.'

That said, in this case, as different from my past, it seems clear it is way more him that I miss. Sure I miss having someone to share my day with at bedtime; someone with whom to go out for breakfast; someone to leave his dirty socks in inappropriate places strewn throughout my house. I miss how beautiful are his eyes. I miss touching the soft skin on his back. I miss how affectionate was he. We fit together like a puzzle, for example, when laying on my couch watching TV. I miss how he used to climb up on my lap and straddle me, just to hold me and be held by me while hanging out in the living room of the little house by the big lake. He was the first person to actually call me, 'baby' and have it sound perfectly natural. But way more than those things (and myriad others), I just miss the big dork himself.

So, healthy or not, he is still (at least a little), 'Uncle Sam.' He still remains, at least in a small way, 'my sweet baboo.' Maybe to some extent he always will, just like Derek will always be, 'Pumpkin' and Paul will always be, 'Sweetie'. Each time you love someone, it is special and unique. Each time you love someone, it deserves to be honored and respected for this uniqueness. Rightly or wrongly, this is one way that I do this.

At least, that is what, 'This Daddy' thinks.