Tall, younger (27), nice smile, artsy, genuine, intellectual, a tad full of himself (on the surface, but with a boyish, impressionable quality beneath), he is an artist, after all, my date had that whole, 'hip, young, gay, I buy all of my clothes at Goodwill, 'nerd/hippy boy' thing that I seem to find so appealing these days.
So, what was the problem? He was too much like Sam (my former young man who moved away for graduate school at the end of last summer) and yet, not enough like Sam.
I miss Sam every day, even after all this time. Sometimes I feel like a ridiculous, old man for continuing to moon over a lad young enough to be my son (he just turned 28) who, after nearly three happy years together, found going away to graduate school more important than life with me. I mean, one can always get into graduate school, one can't always fall in love. Anyway...for heaven's sake, I still have the last towel he used to shower the day he moved away hanging on the back of the door in my bathroom. I came home the other day and a car just like the one he'd owned before he moved was parked in what had been his usual spot...I blanched. Sometimes when it is late at night and I am nearly asleep, I hear a noise that to my sleep-clouded mind sounds like him puttering around downstairs and I lie there, half asleep, waiting to hear his footfalls on the stairs. Sam has many wonderful qualities, gracefulness, alas, is not one of them. How someone can make so much noise just walking up a set of stairs barefoot, I'll never know. But, I digress.
Do I begrudge Sam his need to lead his own life, no. Am I happy (for him) that he is enjoying his new life in Boston, yes. Do I avoid looking at his Facebook page because I don't want to see pictures of him (or read about him) with some new romantic interest...absolutely. The thought of such makes me retch.
Am I glad that we had our time together, yes. Would I change a minute of it, no. Is it okay for me to be a sappy, ridiculous old man, yes. Well, at least as long as I don't wallow in my sorrow, or use it as an excuse to become a hermit. A little sentimentality would seem to be okay.
So, what about my date with the lad from the other night? The verdict is still out. He is a very nice, young man, with a beautiful smile. Did I have the sort of 'bang' that was my experience with Sam, no. At the moment we are trading texts about a painting he has offered to do for me. I look forward to seeing with what he comes up. Will we go out on a date again? Perhaps. Am I perhaps not ready to date yet, no matter how much I tell myself I should be? I am starting to think so.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Rival Sons, 'Face of Light', from,'Pressure & Time', released June 20, 2011 in the UK and was released in the US on June 28, 2011 through U.S. independent label Earache Records.
if his name is Matthew stay away..if not go for it ....
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