Once again, I received the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader. I
have no idea if it is original prose or not. But, he was kind enough to
send it in response to some of my postings, so I'd like to share it
with the other readers.
... as the song is sung...
... "we are finding who we are"...
(king's x - impressive catalog)
... so who i am...
... is as oft unknown to me...
... as it is to you... ... though in this becoming...
... and unbecoming...
... perhaps we both...
... are better men now...
... than then...
... and if faith rewards...
... most excellent in character...
... in yon fore when... ... and i will pray your year...
... more wonderful...
... than you know mine shall be...
... and that you shall have...
... resilience...
... as you are full of "why"...
... and shall have...
... patience...
... as others are... ... and, of course...
... in addition to being...
... well read...
... and well laid...
... that you are...
... well loved... blessings from the kingdom of the two seas. laeth
As I re-read, 'The Caine Mutiny,' as I do sometimes two or
three times a year, I am often struck by how much I identify with one of the
characters.I did so before I joined the
Navy, have done so for the nearly 34 years I've been in the Navy, and probably
will do so long after I am retired from the Navy.Oddly, it isn't Willie, nor is it Maryk.I actually identify with Queeg.Funny, how a literary character can have such
an impact.My 9th grade English teacher,
Mrs. O'doan, once told me (when I commented on how much I enjoyed Mr. Wouk's
work)that she didn't think much of his
work because the characters in his books lack depth. I didn't agree then, and I
agree even less so now.Every time I
read the book, I find different and new things.I see the characters and their actions in new ways.Part of this, I am sure, is that as we age,
our perspectives change and such.But to
my mind, this experience is more a case of well written characters, written by
a master who had embued the characters with shades of colors that, like an old,
oriental rug, which changes color and becomes more exquisite and beautiful,
even as it fades.I often find myself
using Queeg as a prism through which I see both the good and bad qualities of
my character.Like him, I am short and
pot-bellied, though I have a full head of dark hair.I suffer from anxiety, which manifests itself
as irritation.I am shy and awkward
around strangers. Those are some of the bad qualities.The good:I believe in service.I try to do
things right.The Navy is one of the
most important things in my life.I don’t
think I’d be able to experience this phenomena, if not for how multi-layered
and deep is the Queeq character.I’ve
read almost all of Mr. Wouk’s works of fiction.In each I have found the sense of place and time compelling. When I read the book, I can smell the rotting
potatoes, I can feel the quiver of the old ship when she crashes into the dock
in Oakland., I am transported to the Clip Shack.Having always had a fascination for Four-pipers
(and their various permutations), I almost feel as though I’ve been aboard one.
I went recently to a WWII veterans
reunion for a group of APD veterans (APD’s being one of the permutations
through which the four-pipers went, though one focused on troop transport, not
mine sweeping).The old salts were all
shocked that a young buck (compared to them) like me would attend.Having read the book so many times, the
description of life aboard the rusty, old Caine, so vividly described, as I
listened to their stories, it was like I had been right there with them.Is the book perfect, perhaps not.Do I have some nagging questions, yes(for example, how can Queeq be so much older
than the members of his wardroom, when he only graduated from USNA in 1936?In 1944, with only 8 years of service, how
can he be so wizened an old LCDR?) .But
do I feel transported back to a time and place I can only imagine?Yes. And isn’t that one of the most important
things a well-written book does for the reader?Yes.
Once of my most prized possessions is a first addition of, ‘The
Caine Mutiny,’ signed by Mr. Wouk.It is
probably the closest I’ll ever come to meeting him.It is prominently displayed in my living
room.I point it out whenever I have
guests. Ooops, I am starting to sound like a gushing school girl, which I’ve
tried to avoid.So as not to ruin my
strict military officer personae, I’ll stop and just say, “That Herman Wouk, he
sure writes great books, dang great books.”
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Trailer for 'The Caine Mutiny' directed by Edward Dmytryk. 1954.
One function of being a, 'Daddy,' is offering advice and counsel to the young men who seek you out. A nice young man with whom I correspond recently asked the following question, 'This Daddy, can a person ever ask "too many" questions?' As he explained, recently two separate people had pointed out that he seems to "interrogate" people in face-to-face conversations. He, on the other hand, thinks he is just simply asking for a better understanding. In different conversations with the two individuals, both became upset by the perceived, "interrogation" and he received criticism for asking too many questions. Further, in our chat, he wondered whether or not the
nature or topic of the conversation might have put the other person on the defensive, perhaps having hit a nerve, or perhaps fear of the question may have turned both conversations into very disruptive arguments. Reportedly, the nature of both conversations were different - one was seeking better
understanding about a TV show; and, one was about Dad/lad relationships.
My response, 'It depends on the context of the situation in which the questions were asked.' In my experience, there are times when a question is asked to which:
the
answer seems obvious, so no answer is required;
the answerer may not be able to articulate the answer clearly, even to himself;
or some ambiguity might exist, making a black and white answer impossible.
During one of our very first social outings, my former young man
(Sam) asked me, 'which of Seattle's parks is your favorite?' My answer, 'I like different parks for different reasons.' He became irritated thinking I was refusing to answer the
question, I became irritated because he kept asking for clarification, making me feel badgered. To this day, when we chat on the phone or Skype, when I want to rib him about some question he asks,I respond with a, 'I like different parks/'movies/beers for different reasons' kind of answer. It always makes us both smile when I tease him like that. Younger guys often tend to be more black and white
in their thinking, while older men see more shades of gray. So to me, I was giving a perfectly clear answer. To him, I was being unreasonably obtuse, or as his put it, "willful."
An example from the media is found in the book(s), play, musical play, and movie(s) featuring a character called, "Auntie Mame."* The story involves a young man who is sent to live with his wild and crazy aunt upon the death of his father. Being the precocious young man he is, every time he hears a word he doesn't understand, he asks his poor aunt. One morning, after a wild party, very early in the morning, he sneaks into her room, blows a trumpet, waking her up with a start. Hung over, she is barely conscious when he starts in with his word questions. Her response is to hand him a notebook and a pencil and tell him, 'Whenever you hear a word you don't understand, write it down in your notebook. Once a week we'll sit down and go through the list.' Like Auntie Mame, it is a Dad's role to teach and to mentor. But, sometimes, like with anything, it can become wearying. So sometimes, no matter how hard it might be, the younger guy, when receiving an "obtuse" answer should just say, 'okay,' in the moment and ask for clarification later.
In the discussion about Dad/lad relationships, perhaps it was difficult for the Dad to articulate the answer. Every Dad/lad relationship (like any other) has its own rules and accepted norms. So, to many a Dad, having to explain their take on such relationships is a little like that old expression made popular by Supreme Court Justice, Potter Stewart, paraphrased here, 'I may not know how to define what is pornography, but I know it when I see it.' It may be easy for the Dad to intuit the type of relationship it is that he seeks, he may just not know exactly how to articulate when questioned.
Sam, my former young man, and I used to tangle all the time over my touch of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). He do
some innocuous thing (drop some clean sheets on the floor while making the bed, for example) which would set it off. My form of OCD revolves around defining what is 'clean' and what is 'dirty.' So having dropped the sheets on the floor, they were now, "dirty," therefore not for use in making the bed. In other words, he'd do something perfectly reasonable in his mind, that in my twisted, little brain caused something that was supposed to be "clean", "dirty." Stupid, I know, but I'd get upset. His response would be to say something like, 'Hey, I am fine doing/not doing X, you just need to tell me the rules which apply, so I can understand them.' I'd argue back that the reason he should or should not do something was so obvious, it shouldn't need a 'rule' or an explanation. Being 'weird' about cleanliness, for example, it seems obvious to me that
after having had sex, a guy wouldn't just get up and grab his cellphone and start texting, without first having washed his hands. I mean, I don't know how other guys have sex, but to me almost any way you do it, when you are done, your hands are going to be covered in
cum and other body fluids. Would you want your Mom picking up your cellphone after you did that? No, GROSS. Similarly, it grosses me out when I am with a guy who tries to get all cuddle and stuff, after sex, having gotten up to pee and returned to bed having not washed his hands. Both, to me, are equally obvious. Such actions spread cooties, therefore are "Bad" and shouldn't need a rule or require an explanation for not doing them. Don't get me wrong, I get that I am a complete freak. I make not claim that my 'rules' are right. But right or not, they seem so obvious, I have a hard time, reasonably or not, not being irritated when challenged on them.
Communication in any relationship is challenging. While very hard to do, it is important to develop the skill of understanding that different people communicate in different ways. So, the people that were accusing my young correspondent were wrong to assume he was "interrogating" them and he was wrong to not have learned to read the signals of their distress at feeling "interrogated."
It's funny. Being an old dude (50), I've seen several trends (skinny jeans, wide jeans, long hair, short hair, disco, goatees) come and go during my long, long, LONG lifetime. You know you've been around too long when the hip things (music, fashion, social norms) become 'retro,' then 'retro-hip,' then the new norm, think skinny jeans.
Well, one of those 'hip' things that seems to be popular once again is: pot. Okay, so pot never really went away, but its common use across socioeconomic groups is once again 'hip.' I've gotta tell ya, I just don't get the appeal. Especially when it comes to making out with, having sexy with, showing affection to someone that reeks of the stuff. Does anybody think that kissing someone covered in the stench left behind by weed is sexy? I sure don't.
I know smoking it is supposed to give you the munchies and for some folks, it makes them horny, but like eating a raw onion or a garlicy dinner...smoking pot and then kissing someone, especially someone who hasn't been doing the same thing....gross. It, at least for me, truly kills the mood.
As you know, my dating life of late has been pretty limited. But, oddly I think, as I've said many times before, I get offered sex way more often than I care to admit, most of which I turn down. But, as luck would have it, recently I was offered that opportunity to spend some quality daddy/lad time with a hot, young, 21 year old I met through Daddyhunt. Tall, slender, smooth; big juicy round, firm ass, nice feet....the whole package...alas, despite efforts on his part to have fresh breath (he'd clearly brushed and used mouthwash), as our playtime went on...the onions and pot he'd clearly consumed before our meeting started interfering with the fun...it isn't appealing to kiss someone with onion and pot breath....it just isn't.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Alvin and the Chipmunks - Pass the Dutchie - Musical Youth
I saw on REDDIT today, a thread with that title. (How Did You Meet Your Daddy or Boy? ) The thread, submitted ago by daddys_boy88, asking the question, "I know there are a few people in relationships on here and I was just
wondering where people generally meet their partners. I'm just curious
to hear of other people's experiences and I'm sure others are, too. I
would love to hear some good stories here."
I've often wondered the same thing myself. As I've said before, I have tended, in my own socially, dysfunctional way, to meet the guys I date online or through personal ads. I think only 3 times in all my years of chasing tail, have I met guys in social situations which lead to some kind of relationship or another. I met one guy at church...he hit on me. I met another guy at a Halloween party...my little brother called me at the last minute saying, "...you need to find a costume and get to this party...there are people like YOU here..." And, I met my first love at a dance recital...I walked in, told the friend I was with, "I am going to get laid tonight if it kills me." I looked over, saw a cute guy (obviously gay...you know how sometimes, even from across a room, you can just tell) and the rest, as they say, is history.
Sam, my former and likely last young man, and I met on Daddyhunt. We'd cruised each other's profiles a couple of times, each assuming we didn't meet the standards listed by the other. Well, it turned out we were both wrong. Even though he was actually dating someone else at the time and we were just supposed to be 'hook up buddies,' we hit it off and fell in love.
There are so many good guys out there -- you almost need two hands to
count them. But in among the gold, is the tin. The sand in your
sandwiches, the rain on your parade. The world is full of men you
shouldn't date, for every kind of reason. If only there were some kind of test, or a 'tell', so you could
easily divine the dregs from the demigods. There's no magic answer, but
if your potential beau is a 'yes' to any of the list below, it may be
time to cast your net a little farther. You should never date a man who... 1. Panic-buys Christmas presents from the Boots '3 for 2' gift department.Nobody needs that much 'body butter', thanks. 2. Has illegible handwriting.
Is he scrawling "love you" or "fuck you"? Who knows?! Special dispensation for doctors. Doctors are hot. Usually. 3. Has a pet name for his car. Or his cock.
Minus another ten points if when he locks his car, he walks away from it and then looks back to check---- well, what, exactly? 4. Says "it's designer" when talking about his clothes. 5. Says 'YOLO' -- even if he's doing it ironically. 6. Refuses to ride shotgun in a minicab.
What else won't this lily-livered lace handkerchief do if he won't do that? 7. Gets embarrassed while tipping his barber.
Not to mention one who fucks his barber in exchange for a free short back & sides. 8. Puts raisins in a curry. 9. Thinks good spelling is more important than sexiness.
A well-spelled word is a thing of beauty, but mealy-mouthed pedantry is the anti-erection. 10. Says "I speak as I find". 11. Says "quelle surprise!"
Unless he's French. Then that hot Gallic bastard can say what the hell he likes. 12. Retweets parody accounts.
Especially all those ones pretending to be the Queen or X Factor alumni. 13. Asks you to 'inbox' him. 14. Expresses surprise at The X Factor result.
The producers decide who's going to win halfway through the run, most years. Why do you care? 15. Drones on about errors/vitriol in the Daily Mail.
Yeah, we get it. The DM is bad and evil and poorly written. Thanks for
your brand-new opinion. It doesn't care whether you like its disregard
for semicolons, present participles or anyone who isn't a WASPy old fart
from Henley-on-Thames. 16. Calls Coca-Cola "fat Coke". 17. Uses a fake name when asked for it in Starbucks. 18. Uses the word 'ledge' when they mean 'legend'. 19. Buys supermarket-brand cling film.
It doesn't cling to the things you want it to. 20. Uses 'methinks' in general conversation. Unless he's a Jacobean squire roasting a hog on the village green during Michaelmas. 21. Attempts to dress sexily at the gym.
Muscles are the only thing he should be pulling during his workout, not bits of fitness-worshipping fluff. 22. Doesn't laugh when people fall over - unless it's you doing the falling.
Also, doesn't really work if it's old people on icy paths. That's kind of evil. 23. Corrects people's grammar on Grindr.
He's not at a book club; he's there to be brutalised sexually like
everybody else. If he wants to look highbrow, maybe he should wear a
mortar board in his profile pic. 24. Dresses like an exam invigilator.
It's okay to wash a jumper every now and again. And, no, chenille doesn't feel nice. 25. Is in his 30s and is thrilled to still be asked for ID when buying booze and/or cigarettes.
Yeah, some checkout drone thought they'd have a laugh and ask you if you were over 25; you're not Peter Pan. And one more for luck... 26. Writes blogs about who you should and shouldn't date
The delicious irony is, of course, that I am a physician without a cure.
I'm at least 10 of these men. Well, nine. If you can guess exactly
which ones, I owe you a pint. But once you look the list over, you're highly unlikely to want me for a drinking partner.
So, I think I've reached the 'teacher' stage of my romantic life. As you know if you read my blog with any frequency, I've been single now for well over a year. As the time passes and I find myself dateless, I tend to look back at when I did have a dating life.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have lots of opportunities for sex, just no opportunities for anything more than that. There is, for example, the late-20's country boy who comes by every week or so for some quality 'daddy/laddy' time. I am even in talks with a 21 year old college student to do some intense 'tutoring' sessions.
All of this is fun, or at least it should be, shouldn't it? I mean, I've had sex with some of the sexiest, most amazing guys you can possibly imagine. Unlike many of my peers, I've also had serious relationships in which I've imagined I was loved. It turns out I was substantially wrong, of course, at least in some cases, but still. And in the end, real love or not, each has ended, some abruptly, some with warning, but all have ended.
I find it interesting that my role as 'tutor' has essentially been on-going since I first came out and started f*king guys in 1985. Whether serious, long-term, or hook ups, almost to a one, after taking 'courses' from me, all the boys I still have some sort of connection with have (Sam; my ex who lives down the street; Bad Paul, Craig, Michael, and the list goes on and on) gone on to long term serious relationships. Many, in fact, have gone right from me into the 'love of their life' relationship, meaning they are still together. My ex who lives down the street, for example, was already telling the nelly, borderline retarded, skeez for whom he left me, "I love you," while my ex and I were still living together. So, he's never really even has a single day in his life (at least not since he came out at 29 when he started seeing me).
So, I am proud, I guess, that the guys I've 'taught' have learned their lessons well. I mean, like any 'daddy' it is my job to mentor, teach, and share what I have learned and then, like a mother bird, watch as my little chicks grow their wings and leave the nest. But, as I get older, I wonder if am I really strong enough to keep 'tutoring,' without the opportunity to be in a lasting relationship of my own.
My therapist insists that I am not the issue, rather it is the guys who I date. who can't commit or are too emotionally damaged, or too emotionally immature for a long term relationship. And, it is true that I have always attracted damaged guys, or novices more in love with being in love, than perhaps being in love with me. But really, what is the common denominator in all of this relationship ebb and flow? Me. So, it seems to me that it only makes sense that there must be something wrong with me that causes this churn. Is it that being with me is such a trial, that being with anyone else is better or easier than being with me? Is it that I am such a good teacher, that once I've 'taught' someone, they make great boyfriends, ready to be snatched up by someone else?
Sometimes I feel like a stereotype out of a chick flick. Like, Meg Ryan or Carrie Bradshaw. I've heard, 'it isn't you, it's me' so many times, I should have cards printed up that I hand out on every first date, so if things go well, he'll have it in his wallet to pull out when the time is right, or if it doesn't work out, he can hand it to me in lieu of a good night kiss.
I know some of the most repulsive people, true ogres, who are happily partnered. Like my former boss. She is both physically repulsive (she is the only person I've ever met who is both a pizza face...her face is so pocked it looks like she has leprosy...and a butter face, she wears so much makeup that her wretched skin looks like it is sliding off of her skull, all at the same time). She has a personality which is so evil that knowing her makes me glad I believe there is a hell, since I know she is bound there on a fast train. Yet, she not only has friends (which is hard to believe, since she is such a vile human being) but is also involved in a seemingly happy relationship. I mean, for heaven's sake, if someone that ugly and loathsome can have a long-term, loving relationship, shouldn't I be able to as well?
I am starting to feel like Mr. Chips, never destined for a long-term relationship of his own, rather his worth is in the 'students' he teaches and sends off into the world.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
"Fill the World With Love" (Petula Clark, Boys Chorus)
Goodbye, Mr. Chips is a 1969 American musical film directed by Herbert Ross. The screenplay by Terence Rattigan is based on James Hilton's 1934 novella of the same name, which originally was adapted for the screen in 1939.
Okay, I admit it, I have profiles listed on Match.com; Chemistry.com; Gaydating.com; and even on OKCupid. Results? Zilch, zero, nada, Nichivo. I am especially surprised at the 'matches' that each of the 'cupids' used by these sights sends me.
On Gaydating, for example, I am sent daily a list of matches. When I check out those matches, inevitably that individual's profile states he seeks someone like:
Of the items I state in my profile, even the most casual viewer would find:
50
Large
Okay, so I prefer 'stocky' or 'beefy' to 'large', but still.
Anyway, it would seem clear that of the qualities my 'match' lists, I only possess only one: I am white. So, just how in the heck are we a 'match'. Puzzled, I sent the following message to their customer service:
This is more a comment. Why is it I receive "New Match - Meet Username"
when I clearly don't meet that individual's criteria, usually age. In
the bulk of such invitations I've received, the user clearly states a
preference, usually age, that I don't meet. So, it is a waste of my
time to even respond. That seems like a pretty obvious criteria by
which the system should be screening people.
Their response (in part):
In response to your concern, the cupid matches are set up to find new
members in your general location and age range. If there aren't any
members who meet these criteria the cupid matches will send you the
members who are closest to fitting the specified criteria....
I am hardly the sharpest tool in the shed, but it would seem like no matter what it is that I might seek, if I don't meet even the most basic of his stated requirements, we can hardly be a match.
To be honest, I'd rather not get 'matches' with whom I am not a match. Granted, that might mean I never receive any messages, but still. I mean, for heaven's sake...I get that the 'cupid' can only know and match some of the most basic stuff which appears in a profile...it can't sort by whether or not the guy has nice feet, or whether or not my thumb is a good example of what it is my d*ck looks like...but, shouldn't it be able to tell that is I am 'large' and '50' and he seeks someone skinny, 35 or under, or vise versa?
This disconnect would seem to make the whole idea of listing what qualities we seek and what qualities we possess moot.
... looking forward...
... to more good word...
... in your blog... ... pray you well...
... and if spirits fell...
... only into pools...
... of grace... blessings. laeth
I don't know who this, "laeth" fellow is...but by golly it is sure nice when I hear from him. Not because he likes my blog, etc., but he just seems like an awfully nice fellow. Sending nice thoughts to a stranger over the internet. Wow, that is really different...usually it is just mean-spirited jabs sent by anonymous cyber thugs who glory in being able to attack folks without repercussion.
I hope that 2013 is a wonderful year for this laeth fellow. In fact, I know it will be.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Strangers in the Night is a 1966 album by Frank Sinatra. The album
marked Sinatra's return to #1 on the pop album charts in the mid-1960s,
and it consolidated the comeback he started in 1966.
I don't know if this is significant, but Buck Up, Princess has been named a top 100 LBGT marriage, dating, and relationship blog, by GayDatingSites.net.
GayDatingSites.net is written by Joseph Atkins, who (according to his blog) loves blogging about relationships and
dating. The site focuses mostly on gay, lesbian, bisexual,
and transgender dating and gives recommendations on dating sites to join
and blogs to read for the LGBT community.
