FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER....PLEASE!

As I've written in the past, my dating/romantic life has completely stalled out.  There are, of course, may reasons for this:  I am not attracted to other bearish guys; I am not attracted to guys my own age or older; I am both physically and temperamentally  an, 'acquired taste.'  This things all of to do with me.  A reason that doesn't have to do with me:  the propensity on the part of guys in bad relationships to stay in those relationships out of fear.

As the old saying goes, 'the monster you know is less scary than the one you don't.'  I get it, trust me.  I stayed in a relationship, one that lasted for over ten years, at least three years too long.  He knew it, I knew it, yet we both stayed.  In the end, the break-up was far more painful than it should have been. Looking back, we are both clearly better off.  Granted, he left me for an unemployed, nelly, nearly retarded, bearish guy, who looks 10 years older than he is...but still...they've now been together nearly as long as my ex and I were and they seem very happy.  They share a house my ex and I lived in for most of the time we were together, which is located only 80 feet away from the little house by the Big Lake in which I live, so it is pretty easy for me to see how happy they are together:).

Two of the boys I play with, on occasion, fit this stereotype.  One, who turns 40 this year, is literally one of the sexiest men I've ever met.  He is smart, sincere, is an amazing f*ck, and yet is stuck in an unhappy relationship because he worries nobody else would want him.  He is, at least as far as I can tell, the brass ring:  handsome, sexy, successful, sweet, hard-working.  Yet, he worries that if he were to break up with his partner, he'd end up alone.  Poppycock!  The other boy is in his early 30's.  He has, or so it seems to me, clearly had some personal and professional ups and downs.  He is, and has been for a long time, a sexless relationship, because his, 'boyfriend' was willing to date him, when his life was in a total downward spiral, so he feels like he 'owes' it to his boyfriend to stay, and, of course, he worries nobody else would want him?

WTF?  To me this is just like the fear most of us experienced with coming out.  Back in my day, I am old, remember, coming out was a major trauma.  In my case, the trauma was made even deeper because I am in the military.  Yet, like nearly everybody else I've ever met, once I came out, I looked back and wondered, 'just what the hell was the big deal?' 

Look, trust me.  I am a Daddy, I know about this stuff.  If you are in a bad relationship, get out of it!  As bitter as I seem some times, and as much as I miss being in a happy relationship (like the one Sam and I shared), I am way better off being alone, than being in a bad, unsatisfying, or unhealthy relationship. And, of course, it means I am available to someone who has taken this advise and seeks a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
 

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Rosemary Clooney - Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover, from, "Nice to be Around," 1977, United Artist Records, Limited.

Sing it Brother!

Jeremy HelligarFreelance journalist, blogger, author, ‘Is It True What They Say about Black Men?

The Gay "Cougar": Why the Men I Date Keep Getting Younger

Posted: 02/27/2014 6:22 pm EST Updated: 02/27/2014 6:59 pm EST




I came across this article today on the Huffington Post.  I don't agree with the premise completely, for example, I've been trying to avoid dating anybody as Sam, my last boyfriend, who was 24 when we met, but still...when the author says, "Despite the social and economic limitations of his youth, I was attracted to his openness and his fearlessness (if coming out wasn't the dare involved). I was his first boyfriend, and he dived right into the relationship, unencumbered by the baggage of past loves and disappointments. He wasn't jaded. He may have looked like a baby, but the courage and vigor with which he pursued me was all true man. As with most of my relationships with younger guys, none of which were just about sex or my paying their way, we had a smooth ride out of the starting gate because there weren't all those roadblocks that get bumpier as potential mates get older: fear of rejection, pride, a need to keep score lest the scales tip causing him to lose the upper hand. He hadn't lived long enough to compile a lengthy list of rules, so he forged recklessly ahead."  I get exactly what he means. 

I don't write very often these days, mostly because my dating life is so stagnant, it seems
counter-intuitive to write about something (intergenerational dating), I am not really experiencing at the moment.  My romantic life has been at such a standstill for so long, there are days when I think it is relic of the past. That said,  in my more positive moments, as the author avers, "I'll take the fear-free, the shining light of wild, youthful abandon, whether it comes in vintage packaging from before 1974, or wrapping that was made in the late '80s. That was the era that gave us Dangerous Liaisons, MTV's 120 Minutes, and "Oscar winner Cher." Who's to say it didn't produce Mr. Right, too?" 

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks (too)!

Me and My Shadow, Strolling Down the Avenue

I think I becoming a (well, perhaps more so, anyway) grumpy, old man. What makes me say that? I HATE...JUST HATE, when I walk into a restaurant (which I do often, as I can't cook, and even if I could, the oven at the little house by the big lake always fills the place with smoke whenever try to use it) and I asked, "just one?"

Okay, maybe it's just because I've been single forever and sort of underwhelmed by that fact, but to me this expression is both insulting and demeaning. I used to try and make a joke out it. I'd say, "what, am I not enough?". Lately, though, I have started be more blunt and saying, "You know, lonely, single, old folks hate being referred to as 'just one.'

Don't get me wrong, will I really do enjoy my alone time, just me and my crazy dog, hanging out, but being single I find there is a LOT more of this alone time than I've had before. At my age, most of my friends are married or partnered and focused (as they should be) in their own lives. Also, I've never been a guy who has 'buddies.'

I think at my age I've lived a full and successful life, so single or not, I don't see myself as, 'just' anything.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

This Is How THIS DADDY Sees Things Too...

I found this image on TUMBLR today.    It isn't attributed to anybody, but it seems pretty wise to me.

This author, whomever is he, is on to something. 

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

NOW THIS IS WHAT THIS DADDY LIKES TO SEE....

Gay Daddy/Son relationships to be Inspired-by
PUBLISHED:  December 13, 2013

Author: Official Daddyhunt 

 

 

Kind Note from Reader #4

I am pleased to share the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he is kind enough to send such missives in response to some of my postings, so I like to share them with the other readers. 

... blessings...
... and peace to you...
... sir...
... in this holiday season...
... and while i am not...
... completely sure...
... stages of movement...
... through space...
... are worthy of celebration...
... on their own accord...
... i do hope whate'er...
... celebrations...
... you have...
... are free from discord...
... bringing you together...
... in joy...
... with those you love...
be well.
laeth

I wish I had a way with words as does laeth.  

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Kind Note from Reader #3

I am pleased to share the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader.  I have no idea if it is original prose or not.  But, he is kind enough to send such missives in response to some of my postings, so I like to share them with the other readers. 

... yes...
... aging is a strange, wonderful...
... journey...
... parts that can or would...
... function...
... do not always have the same...
... urgency...
... and parts you never realized...
... functioned...
... make themselves important by aching...
... since i was very young...
... "why?" and "to what end?"...
... have shaped many decisions...
... and seem even more valuable...
... as maturity shapes me into...
... what would have been a frightful form...
... to my younger self...
... i care very much more...
... and strangely...
... very much less...
... i care more about those hours...
... spent watching, wanting and waiting...
... for the seeming few minutes' carnal meet...
... as there is more to enjoy without worry...
... despair...
... than these things...
... care less about those few minutes' carnal meet...
... for when a day gone by...
... i wonder what those hours...
... could have accomplished...
... as achieving the score seems pale...
... so the "why" compels me...
... to examine...
... and "to what end"...
... imagines me the consequences...
... there are people i love...
... and who love me...
... though "not in that way"...
... and i wonder if sowing those joys...
... fatal to a fucking folly...
... may be a better treasure...
... than what i could impatiently seek...
... not to a eunuch's end...
... mind you...
... but maybe not minding...
... so much to consider it that...
... anyhow...
... and there is the love...
... to consider beyond...
... lust...
... i do not think it is too much...
... to ask for or want...
... though i am not sure...
... we always recognize the answer...
... or fulfillment..
... and as i lay me down...
... very likely before 2200...
... i shall hold what a geezer does...
... in mind...
... and generously water good hopes...
... that your energy is spent wisely...
... keeping your heart soft...
... your mind keen...
... and your working parts ready...
... when called upon... ;)
... and may you fall completely...
... into ageless grace...
... gray hair and good nature...
... intact...
blessings.
laeth

Aging gracefully is most definitely the way to go.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks. 

Follies - I'm Still Here - Eartha Kitt

Eartha Kitt (who replaced Dolores Gray) sings "I'm Still Here" on a British television show

Geezer is as Geezer Does

Since I started, "Buck-up, Princess," every year on my birthday I've written a post discussing how I feel.  Last year I wrote a piece called, "Pre-Geezer No Longer ."

This year I think I am doing the full geezer. My reasons for thinking this:

1)I haven't been on a decent date in two years;
2)The boys (those few) who show interest, are seriously too young for me to consider;
3)I am starting to have to force myself stay awake until 10pm;
4)I have serious 'old dude' body these days;
5)I figured out the exact date I could retire (an early retirement, granted, but still);
6)It takes too much energy to hook up.

Of course, I am not really as boring as this stuff might sound, but I end up doing some of this boring stuff is because I am single, as I don't have an activity partner who makes me want to stay up doing fun stuff, but still.  I can't tell if these things will fleeting, I mean, I am only 51 after all and all of my parts still work quite well, thank you.  But being on the north side of 50 really makes me think.

One the negative side, well, see my list above.  On the positive side: I love the little house by the big lake.  My crazy dog still drives me up the wall, but I love her.  I like my every more graying hair (though, even some of my friends and co-workers are starting to admit I am not making it up that it is thinning). 

They say that aging gracefully takes work.  I keep trying....

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

Itchy & The geezer - I came to London and smoked some weed

You Go Girl!

Okay, so I am one of the guys who always claims to prefer 'butch' boys.  Yet, the love of my life was what I call, 'softly masculine.'  So I was thrilled to find the following article:



The Strength in Being a Feminine Gay Man

Tyler Curry
Freelance columnist and fiction writer; creator, The Needle Prick Project

Posted: 10/01/2013 6:53 pm

As the mainstream image of what a gay man is continues to morph into more of a hero and less of a victim, we continue to cast our most handsome, athletic and masculine men in the leading roles of the gay movement. As our rainbow fades to pastel, society now understands that gay men can be just like the rest of mainstream society. Our community has a new cast of gay heroes who place our most chiseled, scruffy-jawlined faces forward for everyone to see. From TV stars like Wentworth Miller to athletes like Jason Collins, the world now knows that we can be strong and manly and fit right in with the rest of the boys. But there is a different kind of strength that has always existed within gay culture, although it might not come in the form of bulging muscles and bass voices.

Unlike his masculine counterpart, the effeminate gay man doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind a butch façade until he is comfortable with coming out of the closet. You know the type. He can learn the choreography to the latest pop song more quickly than you can learn the lyrics. In high school he had to make a beeline for his car the minute the bell rang so that he could avoid the worn-out name calling, bullying or even violence. The Bedazzler was, is, and always will be his best childhood friend. Yes, these queeny gays may have been born with a serious masculinity deficiency, but that is exactly what makes them the epitome of strength.

As someone who has always straddled the masculine/feminine divide, I desperately sought to play up my butch qualities and minimize my fairy wings as much as humanly possible. Thankfully I excelled at sports and had a muscular build and a sort of generic, all-American-white-boy appeal -- until I opened my mouth, of course. I sounded more like a chipmunk with a lisp than the boy who'd just made the saving play on the soccer field. Eventually it was the only thing that people noticed.
Even after I accepted my sexuality, I struggled with my femininity. I spent hours in the gym, building my body in an effort to emulate the ideal of what men supposedly should look like. I stopped applying my coveted bronzer and shaved my head like a G.I. Joe. I even opted for a more understated wardrobe over the tight, bright T-shirts that I secretly loved. But the nasal voice and extra bounce in my step were inescapable. No matter what I tried, I always received degrading comments and snickers about my disposition, but not from the straight community. These came from gay men.
A girl can only take so much. I have learned to embrace and enjoy my feminine qualities just as much as my masculine ones. If masculinity is paramount, something that all men must strive for to be considered "real" men, then gay men, by definition, will always be considered lesser than their straight counterparts. We gay men know that there isn't one definition of what a "real" man is. Hell, we are living proof. So discounting or stifling any feminine characteristics that we may have is a slap in the face of our own culture and an admission to others that there is something to suppress. The gay men who couldn't help but shoot glitter out of every orifice were the ones who propelled gay rights into the mainstream. As we get closer to becoming fully integrated in the larger society, it is important that we not allow any segment of our own community to suffer in the process.

The measure of a gay man's femininity in a heteronormative society is much like the measure of an African American's skin color in a society of white privilege. The most feminine of gay men are the equivalent of the darkest-skinned of African Americans, while the gay men who exhibit the most masculine qualities enjoy privileges like fair-skinned African Americans do. These phenomena are the result of expectations placed on both groups by segments of society who demand that we be like them. Those who fail these litmus tests are least valued by the ruling party. As proud gay men, we should demand within our own community that masculinity not be an indicator of worth, and that we respect each other regardless of our differences.

To the queens who have been beaten up, marginalized and mangled for refusing to cave in to the norm, you are the true heroes of the gay movement. It is these men to whom we owe our freedom to be the exact type of gay man that we were made to be, and nothing else.

So even with my nasal voice and knack for choreography, I realize that I am as much of a boy as I need to be, and as much of a girl as I want to be. That is strength.

Snap.

By being male, you are by definition, 'masculine.'  You may fall a bit on the 'softer' side of the masculinity scale...but masculine you are, like it or not.



At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

The Voice of Poland - Kamila Apryas - „Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"

VoiceOfPolandTVP

BRAGGING RIGHTS: BUCK UP, PRINCESS HAS BEEN NAMED ONE OF THE 10 BEST INTERGENERATIONAL DATING WEBSITES

DatingAdvice.com has named, "Buck Up, Princess," as one of the year's "10 Best Intergenerational Dating Sites." The rankings were published this morning.   

DatingAdvice.com describes, "Buck Up, Princess" as, 'Bragging Rights: breaks beyond the stereotype of the “daddy.” Buck Up, Princess offers dating advice specifically aimed at the gay community, authored from the perspective of an older man interested in younger men. With a funny and proud approach, the site offers a fuller view in a community where May-December pairings are quite common. Topics like “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” detail the joys and hardships that often accompany love.'

Lately I've been experiencing more of the hardships than the joys when it comes to love.  Ironically, this emphasis on the hardships has made me hesitant about writing.  Nobody wants to read downbeat, egomaniacal drivel all the time.  But, it is true that the goal is to present a warts and all view of dating intergenerationally.  I just there are some, '...and all' experiences on their way, rather than those involving warts.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.

'Warts and All', from, 'Honk!' 

Raymond Case Elementary School