Really? If you believe that, have you looked at all the ads on Craigslist lately for guys looking for "daddies" or "Bro's"? Have you popped onto Silverdaddies or Daddyhunt, or GrayDate and seen just how many 'hunters' or 'boys' post to those sites looking for older guys to date or with whom to have sex.
Okay, I get it. Trust me, I do. Gay society marginalizes older men in general. That is hardly news. Remember, I was young once, no matter how hard that might be to believe. But it (if there is such thing as an 'it' as it relates to gay society) is also critical of younger guys who actively seek to date older guys. The peer pressure that is placed on a younger man who prefers the company of older men is intense.
Being an older dude who dates younger, I've seen this first hand. Intergenerational dating can be tough, especially socially. Introducing each other to family and friends can be extremely awkward for both the older and younger man. When Sam (the young man to whom this blog is dedicated and about whom my experience of having dated I often write) and I first started dating, we spent most of our time alone. Just him, me, the house, and the dog. And, like any relationship, we spent a lot of time (and I do mean a lot) in bed. Like any serious relationship, though, at some point the relations evolves to include things other than the physical. You begin to develop joint interests, etc. Then, of course, as the relationship continues to develop, there comes a time when it is appropriate to introduce your new love to your friends and family. This prospect can be daunting.
Sam is, if nothing else, a confident young man. This, amongst many, is a quality of his I greatly admire. Still, the first time it came to include me in a social event with his friends, he was nervous. He didn't tell me this, of course, until afterward, but the experience was, he assured me later, quite nerve wracking. His friends, mostly from his college days, were visiting from out of town. As he'd not seen them in a long time, and as they'd known he had been dating one of their peers, he had no idea how they'd react to him showing up to dinner with a guy old enough to be his father and introducing him as, 'my boyfriend'. He was, he later related, relieved that they seemed to accept me and that the evening went well. Looking back, I think one of the reasons it went so well was because it was clear how crazy he was about me and I him. Love works in mysterious ways, now doesn't it?
I had similar experiences when introducing him to my friends. I remember the time we had dinner with some friends who are sort of like surrogate parents. I was in the process of buying the little house by the big lake and the topic of mortgages came up. Sam, in his inquisitive way, started asking many questions, one of which was, 'just what is a mortgage and how does it work anyway (remember, Sam grew up in a hippy commune, living in a yurt)?' My friends, ever polite, explained. Afterward though, they asked, 'Is he so young he really doesn't know what a mortgage is? Or was he kidding?' I assured them that he wasn't kidding, though he does have quite a sense of humor. Similarly, when he came along to dinner with another couple with whom I am friends, when he got up to go the bathroom, they said things like, "He is very cute, very funny and smart. But he is so young, it can't be serious. You are crazy if you think it could be."
Crazy, maybe. But aren't all relationships a little crazy? Aren't all relationships about taking risks? Like any kind of relationship, older/younger ones have their own share of dysfunction. There are too many older guys out there who prey on younger ones, looking to exploit their innocence and youth. There is no shortage of older guys who want to control the lives of any younger guy they date. It happens. Alternatively, there are many, many younger guys who want a 'sugar daddy' whose resources they can exploit. There are also those younger guys who seek some sort of replacement parent. Are any of these patterns healthy? No. Will any of them result in happiness or relationship success, no. But does that mean that there is anything wrong in older/younger relationships, no. At least not when both parties go into the relationship with the best of intentions.
If such a relationship is not for you, then it isn't. If it is for me, then it is. You go your way, and I'll go mine. There are many reasons why older guys are attracted to younger guys and younger are attracted to older. Some reasons are good, some not so good. But, that is for the two people in the relationship to decide. Not their friends or family. Don't let the judgments of others influence your choice in romantic partners. If you do, you will likely end up unhappy. The heart (and yes, the dick) wants what it wants. Nothing wrong with that. Remember that.
At least, that is what This Daddy thinks.
No comments:
Post a Comment