PUBLISHED: December 13, 2013
Official Daddyhunt
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Kind Note from Reader #4
I am pleased to share the following email from a kind and thoughtful reader. I
have no idea if it is original prose or not. But, he is kind enough to
send such missives in response to some of my postings, so I like to share them with the other readers.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Geezer is as Geezer Does
Since I started, "Buck-up, Princess," every year on my birthday I've written a post discussing how I feel. Last year I wrote a piece called, "Pre-Geezer No Longer ."
This year I think I am doing the full geezer. My reasons for thinking this:
1)I haven't been on a decent date in two years;
2)The boys (those few) who show interest, are seriously too young for me to consider;
3)I am starting to have to force myself stay awake until 10pm;
4)I have serious 'old dude' body these days;
5)I figured out the exact date I could retire (an early retirement, granted, but still);
6)It takes too much energy to hook up.
Of course, I am not really as boring as this stuff might sound, but I end up doing some of this boring stuff is because I am single, as I don't have an activity partner who makes me want to stay up doing fun stuff, but still. I can't tell if these things will fleeting, I mean, I am only 51 after all and all of my parts still work quite well, thank you. But being on the north side of 50 really makes me think.
One the negative side, well, see my list above. On the positive side: I love the little house by the big lake. My crazy dog still drives me up the wall, but I love her. I like my every more graying hair (though, even some of my friends and co-workers are starting to admit I am not making it up that it is thinning).
They say that aging gracefully takes work. I keep trying....
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
This year I think I am doing the full geezer. My reasons for thinking this:
1)I haven't been on a decent date in two years;
2)The boys (those few) who show interest, are seriously too young for me to consider;
3)I am starting to have to force myself stay awake until 10pm;
4)I have serious 'old dude' body these days;
5)I figured out the exact date I could retire (an early retirement, granted, but still);
6)It takes too much energy to hook up.
Of course, I am not really as boring as this stuff might sound, but I end up doing some of this boring stuff is because I am single, as I don't have an activity partner who makes me want to stay up doing fun stuff, but still. I can't tell if these things will fleeting, I mean, I am only 51 after all and all of my parts still work quite well, thank you. But being on the north side of 50 really makes me think.
One the negative side, well, see my list above. On the positive side: I love the little house by the big lake. My crazy dog still drives me up the wall, but I love her. I like my every more graying hair (though, even some of my friends and co-workers are starting to admit I am not making it up that it is thinning).
They say that aging gracefully takes work. I keep trying....
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
You Go Girl!
Okay, so I am one of the guys who always claims to prefer 'butch' boys. Yet, the love of my life was what I call, 'softly masculine.' So I was thrilled to find the following article:
The Strength in Being a Feminine Gay Man
The Strength in Being a Feminine Gay Man
Posted: 10/01/2013 6:53 pm
As the mainstream image of what a gay man is continues to morph into more of a hero and less of a victim, we continue to cast our most handsome, athletic and masculine men in the leading roles of the gay movement. As our rainbow fades to pastel, society now understands that gay men can be just like the rest of mainstream society. Our community has a new cast of gay heroes who place our most chiseled, scruffy-jawlined faces forward for everyone to see. From TV stars like Wentworth Miller to athletes like Jason Collins, the world now knows that we can be strong and manly and fit right in with the rest of the boys. But there is a different kind of strength that has always existed within gay culture, although it might not come in the form of bulging muscles and bass voices.
Unlike his masculine counterpart, the effeminate gay man doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind a butch façade until he is comfortable with coming out of the closet. You know the type. He can learn the choreography to the latest pop song more quickly than you can learn the lyrics. In high school he had to make a beeline for his car the minute the bell rang so that he could avoid the worn-out name calling, bullying or even violence. The Bedazzler was, is, and always will be his best childhood friend. Yes, these queeny gays may have been born with a serious masculinity deficiency, but that is exactly what makes them the epitome of strength.
As someone who has always straddled the masculine/feminine divide, I desperately sought to play up my butch qualities and minimize my fairy wings as much as humanly possible. Thankfully I excelled at sports and had a muscular build and a sort of generic, all-American-white-boy appeal -- until I opened my mouth, of course. I sounded more like a chipmunk with a lisp than the boy who'd just made the saving play on the soccer field. Eventually it was the only thing that people noticed.
Even after I accepted my sexuality, I struggled with my femininity. I spent hours in the gym, building my body in an effort to emulate the ideal of what men supposedly should look like. I stopped applying my coveted bronzer and shaved my head like a G.I. Joe. I even opted for a more understated wardrobe over the tight, bright T-shirts that I secretly loved. But the nasal voice and extra bounce in my step were inescapable. No matter what I tried, I always received degrading comments and snickers about my disposition, but not from the straight community. These came from gay men.
A girl can only take so much. I have learned to embrace and enjoy my feminine qualities just as much as my masculine ones. If masculinity is paramount, something that all men must strive for to be considered "real" men, then gay men, by definition, will always be considered lesser than their straight counterparts. We gay men know that there isn't one definition of what a "real" man is. Hell, we are living proof. So discounting or stifling any feminine characteristics that we may have is a slap in the face of our own culture and an admission to others that there is something to suppress. The gay men who couldn't help but shoot glitter out of every orifice were the ones who propelled gay rights into the mainstream. As we get closer to becoming fully integrated in the larger society, it is important that we not allow any segment of our own community to suffer in the process.
The measure of a gay man's femininity in a heteronormative society is much like the measure of an African American's skin color in a society of white privilege. The most feminine of gay men are the equivalent of the darkest-skinned of African Americans, while the gay men who exhibit the most masculine qualities enjoy privileges like fair-skinned African Americans do. These phenomena are the result of expectations placed on both groups by segments of society who demand that we be like them. Those who fail these litmus tests are least valued by the ruling party. As proud gay men, we should demand within our own community that masculinity not be an indicator of worth, and that we respect each other regardless of our differences.
To the queens who have been beaten up, marginalized and mangled for refusing to cave in to the norm, you are the true heroes of the gay movement. It is these men to whom we owe our freedom to be the exact type of gay man that we were made to be, and nothing else.
So even with my nasal voice and knack for choreography, I realize that I am as much of a boy as I need to be, and as much of a girl as I want to be. That is strength.
Snap.
By being male, you are by definition, 'masculine.' You may fall a bit on the 'softer' side of the masculinity scale...but masculine you are, like it or not.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
VoiceOfPolandTVP
As the mainstream image of what a gay man is continues to morph into more of a hero and less of a victim, we continue to cast our most handsome, athletic and masculine men in the leading roles of the gay movement. As our rainbow fades to pastel, society now understands that gay men can be just like the rest of mainstream society. Our community has a new cast of gay heroes who place our most chiseled, scruffy-jawlined faces forward for everyone to see. From TV stars like Wentworth Miller to athletes like Jason Collins, the world now knows that we can be strong and manly and fit right in with the rest of the boys. But there is a different kind of strength that has always existed within gay culture, although it might not come in the form of bulging muscles and bass voices.
Unlike his masculine counterpart, the effeminate gay man doesn't have the luxury of hiding behind a butch façade until he is comfortable with coming out of the closet. You know the type. He can learn the choreography to the latest pop song more quickly than you can learn the lyrics. In high school he had to make a beeline for his car the minute the bell rang so that he could avoid the worn-out name calling, bullying or even violence. The Bedazzler was, is, and always will be his best childhood friend. Yes, these queeny gays may have been born with a serious masculinity deficiency, but that is exactly what makes them the epitome of strength.
As someone who has always straddled the masculine/feminine divide, I desperately sought to play up my butch qualities and minimize my fairy wings as much as humanly possible. Thankfully I excelled at sports and had a muscular build and a sort of generic, all-American-white-boy appeal -- until I opened my mouth, of course. I sounded more like a chipmunk with a lisp than the boy who'd just made the saving play on the soccer field. Eventually it was the only thing that people noticed.
Even after I accepted my sexuality, I struggled with my femininity. I spent hours in the gym, building my body in an effort to emulate the ideal of what men supposedly should look like. I stopped applying my coveted bronzer and shaved my head like a G.I. Joe. I even opted for a more understated wardrobe over the tight, bright T-shirts that I secretly loved. But the nasal voice and extra bounce in my step were inescapable. No matter what I tried, I always received degrading comments and snickers about my disposition, but not from the straight community. These came from gay men.
A girl can only take so much. I have learned to embrace and enjoy my feminine qualities just as much as my masculine ones. If masculinity is paramount, something that all men must strive for to be considered "real" men, then gay men, by definition, will always be considered lesser than their straight counterparts. We gay men know that there isn't one definition of what a "real" man is. Hell, we are living proof. So discounting or stifling any feminine characteristics that we may have is a slap in the face of our own culture and an admission to others that there is something to suppress. The gay men who couldn't help but shoot glitter out of every orifice were the ones who propelled gay rights into the mainstream. As we get closer to becoming fully integrated in the larger society, it is important that we not allow any segment of our own community to suffer in the process.
The measure of a gay man's femininity in a heteronormative society is much like the measure of an African American's skin color in a society of white privilege. The most feminine of gay men are the equivalent of the darkest-skinned of African Americans, while the gay men who exhibit the most masculine qualities enjoy privileges like fair-skinned African Americans do. These phenomena are the result of expectations placed on both groups by segments of society who demand that we be like them. Those who fail these litmus tests are least valued by the ruling party. As proud gay men, we should demand within our own community that masculinity not be an indicator of worth, and that we respect each other regardless of our differences.
To the queens who have been beaten up, marginalized and mangled for refusing to cave in to the norm, you are the true heroes of the gay movement. It is these men to whom we owe our freedom to be the exact type of gay man that we were made to be, and nothing else.
So even with my nasal voice and knack for choreography, I realize that I am as much of a boy as I need to be, and as much of a girl as I want to be. That is strength.
Snap.
By being male, you are by definition, 'masculine.' You may fall a bit on the 'softer' side of the masculinity scale...but masculine you are, like it or not.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
VoiceOfPolandTVPWednesday, August 21, 2013
BRAGGING RIGHTS: BUCK UP, PRINCESS HAS BEEN NAMED ONE OF THE 10 BEST INTERGENERATIONAL DATING WEBSITES
DatingAdvice.com has named, "Buck Up, Princess," as one of the year's "10 Best Intergenerational Dating Sites." The rankings were published this morning.
DatingAdvice.com describes, "Buck Up, Princess" as, 'Bragging Rights: breaks beyond the stereotype of the “daddy.” Buck Up, Princess offers dating advice specifically aimed at the gay community, authored from the perspective of an older man interested in younger men. With a funny and proud approach, the site offers a fuller view in a community where May-December pairings are quite common. Topics like “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” detail the joys and hardships that often accompany love.'
Lately I've been experiencing more of the hardships than the joys when it comes to love. Ironically, this emphasis on the hardships has made me hesitant about writing. Nobody wants to read downbeat, egomaniacal drivel all the time. But, it is true that the goal is to present a warts and all view of dating intergenerationally. I just there are some, '...and all' experiences on their way, rather than those involving warts.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
DatingAdvice.com describes, "Buck Up, Princess" as, 'Bragging Rights: breaks beyond the stereotype of the “daddy.” Buck Up, Princess offers dating advice specifically aimed at the gay community, authored from the perspective of an older man interested in younger men. With a funny and proud approach, the site offers a fuller view in a community where May-December pairings are quite common. Topics like “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” detail the joys and hardships that often accompany love.'
Lately I've been experiencing more of the hardships than the joys when it comes to love. Ironically, this emphasis on the hardships has made me hesitant about writing. Nobody wants to read downbeat, egomaniacal drivel all the time. But, it is true that the goal is to present a warts and all view of dating intergenerationally. I just there are some, '...and all' experiences on their way, rather than those involving warts.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
'Warts and All', from, 'Honk!'
Raymond Case Elementary School
Thursday, August 15, 2013
There Is No Fool Like an Old Fool Redux
It is hard for me to admit but I recently had a bit of a an emotional meltdown. At my age (50), you'd think I'd have everything figured out to the point that this sort of stuff no longer happened to me. Alas, I can't speak for other old dudes, but this old dude clearly doesn't have it all figured out.
While away on Annual Training (reserve speak for the 'two weeks' military reservists are required to perform every year), the loss of my relationship with Sam (my former, young man) hit me like a sledge hammer. Crazy, I know. I mean, it has been almost two years (16 August is the second anniversary of our parting of the ways), but I still miss the big dork and what we shared every day. Every single, gosh darned day.
Okay, there were multiple factors that led up to the meltdown: exhaustion (working 12 hour shifts, sleeping...or not as was the case...in a noisy, hot barracks room); sick (I have asthma. Whenever I travel someplace where I shuttle between air conditioned work and living spaces...we don't DO air conditioning here in Seattle...I get a respiratory infection); being called 'stupid' by a subordinate but still. I was completely shocked at the extend of the meltdown.
So, what set the event off? Whilst looking up pictures of my house on Facebook (I am having an extensive energy renovation conducted and I needed to answer a question by the contractor about the new windows I'd ordered), I unintentionally clicked on Sam's Facebook page. While I am hardly a Luddite, I am not good with the technology including the Facebook, so I often miss-click on stuff unintentionally, when I am trying to do something else.
What did I see? I saw his profile picture...a picture which includes his new boyfriend. When I saw it, I blanched. During our time together, I never appeared in his profile picture, nor was I ever referenced as having meant anything more important to him than being just a friend. My first thought, irrational, though it may have been, was that he loves the new guy more then he'd ever loved me, that his relationship with him is more important, more enriching, just plain, 'more' than was ours. I have no rational reason nor right to be upset about this, I just was. Ridiculous, I know. Silly, unreasonable, borderline irrational, still I almost burst into tears whilst sitting at my watch station. I literally had to get up, walk out of the building in which I was working, into the parking lot, so that I could weep. Which I did, on and off for about three hours.
I hate doing things which I worry will damage what respect he has for me. I mean, it was my butch, military officer/Daddy persona with which he fell in love. Not the emotionally scarred weepy little bitch like which I was acting.
Since he left, my romantic life has been to say the least, 'unfulfilling.' This lack of fulfillment, causes me, to reminisce about the old days. How happy I was and how much I lost when he went away to graduate school. Seeing his so happy and playful with his new boyfriend, made me feel as if our time together had become but a distant, blurry memory of an insignificant, transitory period in his life.
I try to avoid doing stuff that will enhance my appearance as a ridiculous, old man hung up on a romance long ended. But, I don't always succeed.
I am very happy for him and glad for his personal and professional success. I am proud of him and wouldn't change, even with all of the pain I continue to feel over its ending, a second of our time together. During our time together, I truly did love him with all of my heart. And, to some extent I always will. I am glad that his life has moved on, but in my weaker moments, I worry that he no longer remembers the passion and intimacy we shared. I also get that the context of our relationship has changed, so he's moved passed having the rare feeling of missing me, or waking up, wishing it was me lying next to him.
Unfortunately for me, though, I haven't been as successful at moving passed those things. On a day like the one on which I had my meltdown, I sure wish that I had. My therapist tells me that I cannot predict the future. Perhaps I will find love again. I hope so. But as time passes, it seems ever less likely.
In a recent conversation, when discussing this stuff, Sam made some comment along the lines of, 'okay, you aren't having success at dating now....' What he can't understand, being so young, is that at this age, 'now' is what of which I most have. Finding love at any age is hard. At this stage in my life, realistically, there aren't that many years left for me to keep having extended periods of singleness.
Don't get me wrong, as that wise prophet, Whitney Houston once wrote, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy." I would, really. But lately it doesn't seem like I have much choice in the matter.
At least (today, anyway) that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
While away on Annual Training (reserve speak for the 'two weeks' military reservists are required to perform every year), the loss of my relationship with Sam (my former, young man) hit me like a sledge hammer. Crazy, I know. I mean, it has been almost two years (16 August is the second anniversary of our parting of the ways), but I still miss the big dork and what we shared every day. Every single, gosh darned day.
Okay, there were multiple factors that led up to the meltdown: exhaustion (working 12 hour shifts, sleeping...or not as was the case...in a noisy, hot barracks room); sick (I have asthma. Whenever I travel someplace where I shuttle between air conditioned work and living spaces...we don't DO air conditioning here in Seattle...I get a respiratory infection); being called 'stupid' by a subordinate but still. I was completely shocked at the extend of the meltdown.
So, what set the event off? Whilst looking up pictures of my house on Facebook (I am having an extensive energy renovation conducted and I needed to answer a question by the contractor about the new windows I'd ordered), I unintentionally clicked on Sam's Facebook page. While I am hardly a Luddite, I am not good with the technology including the Facebook, so I often miss-click on stuff unintentionally, when I am trying to do something else.
What did I see? I saw his profile picture...a picture which includes his new boyfriend. When I saw it, I blanched. During our time together, I never appeared in his profile picture, nor was I ever referenced as having meant anything more important to him than being just a friend. My first thought, irrational, though it may have been, was that he loves the new guy more then he'd ever loved me, that his relationship with him is more important, more enriching, just plain, 'more' than was ours. I have no rational reason nor right to be upset about this, I just was. Ridiculous, I know. Silly, unreasonable, borderline irrational, still I almost burst into tears whilst sitting at my watch station. I literally had to get up, walk out of the building in which I was working, into the parking lot, so that I could weep. Which I did, on and off for about three hours.
I hate doing things which I worry will damage what respect he has for me. I mean, it was my butch, military officer/Daddy persona with which he fell in love. Not the emotionally scarred weepy little bitch like which I was acting.
Since he left, my romantic life has been to say the least, 'unfulfilling.' This lack of fulfillment, causes me, to reminisce about the old days. How happy I was and how much I lost when he went away to graduate school. Seeing his so happy and playful with his new boyfriend, made me feel as if our time together had become but a distant, blurry memory of an insignificant, transitory period in his life.
I try to avoid doing stuff that will enhance my appearance as a ridiculous, old man hung up on a romance long ended. But, I don't always succeed.
I am very happy for him and glad for his personal and professional success. I am proud of him and wouldn't change, even with all of the pain I continue to feel over its ending, a second of our time together. During our time together, I truly did love him with all of my heart. And, to some extent I always will. I am glad that his life has moved on, but in my weaker moments, I worry that he no longer remembers the passion and intimacy we shared. I also get that the context of our relationship has changed, so he's moved passed having the rare feeling of missing me, or waking up, wishing it was me lying next to him.
Unfortunately for me, though, I haven't been as successful at moving passed those things. On a day like the one on which I had my meltdown, I sure wish that I had. My therapist tells me that I cannot predict the future. Perhaps I will find love again. I hope so. But as time passes, it seems ever less likely.
In a recent conversation, when discussing this stuff, Sam made some comment along the lines of, 'okay, you aren't having success at dating now....' What he can't understand, being so young, is that at this age, 'now' is what of which I most have. Finding love at any age is hard. At this stage in my life, realistically, there aren't that many years left for me to keep having extended periods of singleness.
Don't get me wrong, as that wise prophet, Whitney Houston once wrote, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy." I would, really. But lately it doesn't seem like I have much choice in the matter.
At least (today, anyway) that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain
Living in Seattle as I do, I can confirm that the reputed 9 months of dreary rain does wears on me. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't rain EVERY day for nine months and most of the time when it is 'raining,' it is really just gray and/or drizzly. Still, month upon month upon month does take its toll.
This Summer has been kind of unique: we've had great weather basically since May. I mean, sunny, warm, clear, dry. It's been great. Of course, the two weeks I spent on Active Duty down in San Diego were two of the most glorious weeks of such weather up here and two of the gloomiest, muggiest, down there.
Anyway, it has been a little rainy this last couple of days, sort of a preview of the upcoming Fall. Oddly, for someone who wearies of the rain, I've been happy to see it. The garden at little house at the big lake has been calling for some moisture. Since I try to be green, I avoid watering if at all possible.
The reason I bought the little house at the big lake, despite the decrepit shape it was in and despite the fact that my ex lives only 80 feet away, was the great view of the big lake from my bedroom. I am not 'on' the big lake, alas, but my house being located at the highest point in the street, I see above the houses and trees located between my house and the big lake. Granted, the lesbians recently ruined part of my view. But then, you KNOW how are those guys. All in all, the view is great. I can literally see the big lake while lying in bed, without even having to raise my head much above the pillow.
A city renown for its rainy
climate, Seattle and environs rarely experience thunder and lightning. So when
it happens, it is sort of a treat. The other night such a treat
occurred.
I was awakened in the middle of the night, probably by the crazy dog with whom I share the little house. Awake, looking up from
bed, I could see across the big lake and off into the foothills, shrouded in clouds. Behind the clouds, I could see flashes of lightning. It was eerie and beautiful.
I only wish I had my own, personal lad with whom to share it.As grand as was the experience, being able to hold someone I loved, sharing the beauty and the grandeur would have been the experience all the more special.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Daddy Days of Summer
The Huffington Post | By James Nichols Posted: 08/09/2013 1:05 pm EDT | Updated: 08/09/2013 1:05 pm EDT
'Daddy Days,' Daddyhunt Event, To Be Held In Provincetown
"Daddy Days," a newly annual event sponsored by the gay social nextwork Daddyhunt, will kick off tomorrow, Aug. 10, at several different locations across Provincetown.
A week-long event intended to be a celebration of gay men of all ages, "Daddy Days" will feature dinners, parties, dances, tea-rooms, and performances. The epicenter of the event will be at Crew’s Quarters on Commercial Street.
In reference to Daddyhunt's purpose in hosting the "Daddy Days" event, Javier Cobo, Community Director for Daddyhunt, said in a statement sent to the Huffington Post:
We wanted to find a way to bring together the strong, smart men who helped build the gay community we know today... We've seen historic changes in the past few years politically, and it’s time for us to realize we're maturing as a community as well. Love and sex aren’t limited by age. With Daddy Days, we’re hoping to bring together not only daddies and daddy hunters, but guys that enjoy a broader definition of community.According to it's founders, Daddyhunt was established in 2005 as a social networking site for gay men over the age of 40 who felt excluded from more mainstream online dating sites. In an age where dating and forging connections between gay men is accelerating quickly into the digital sphere, the influence and significance of gay social networks seems to be much more a reality rather than a trend. Within this shift, gay men, often guilty of discrimination within their own community, have been known to force one another into different preference-based social networks for different "types" of gay men. Hence, the need for gay social networking sites that cater specifically to older gay men, but also Daddyhunt's attempt to understand community in less narrow terms.
Despite the target demographic for the "Daddy Days" event, founders emphasized that this week is intended to be a celebration for gay men of all ages. “These may be the first Daddy Days,” said Cobo, “But we’re looking forward to many more years ahead.”
For more information on "Daddy Days," visit Daddyhunt's website. Below, view a slideshow of photos from previous Daddyhunt events.
It is great to see that Daddies (well not me, alas, but Daddies in general) are getting their due. Back in my day, whodda thunk it?
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Lena Horne - My Heart Belongs to Daddy
http://www.lena-horne.com/
http://www.lena-horne.com/
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following
Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following
From: Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following
"There is a plethora of resources for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender) individuals to connect, find local events and raise support for understanding and equality on the web. Google Plus has become a popular forum to for exchanging ideas and opinions, and is fast becoming a place to find great information on LGBT issues. From the lighthearted dating and friend-finding pages to the political causes rallying for equality and rights for all, here are some top Google Plus pages that are worth following. We hope you find them topical and entertaining."
From: Top 50 LGBT Google+ Pages Worth Following
"There is a plethora of resources for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender) individuals to connect, find local events and raise support for understanding and equality on the web. Google Plus has become a popular forum to for exchanging ideas and opinions, and is fast becoming a place to find great information on LGBT issues. From the lighthearted dating and friend-finding pages to the political causes rallying for equality and rights for all, here are some top Google Plus pages that are worth following. We hope you find them topical and entertaining."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)