Remind Me, Just What is the Definition of Insanity?

The old saw says it is doing the same thing over and over again, and yet expecting a different result. This is something I see all the time online. I see the same faces, the same profiles, the same pictures over and over and over again on the various online venues I visit. Sure, like me, many of these guys use the Internet to be 'social'. They may be partnered or whatever. But many, MANY of these guys (both daddies and boys) are still looking for a 'someone special', however they might define it (boyfriend, partner, buddy, etc.).

I sometimes chat with these guys. And I always suggest that perhaps if what they are doing (the venues they visit, the pictures they use, the profiles they post, etc.) isn't getting them the results they seek, perhaps they should try something new. Nearly every time I suggest this, I get slammed, "how dare you suggest that I (insert my suggestion here: get a new pic, shave off the ugly facial hair that makes them look ten years older, change nicks to better reflect what they seek, and so on and so forth...) change". Well, for heaven's sake, if you aren't getting what you want, and you are doing the same things over and over again, perhaps it makes basic common sense to simply try something different.

We all get stuck in 'ruts'. But sometimes it is those ruts that are keeping us in place, rather than moving us forward. If you are a 'daddy', for example, who (online or in person) holds back, for fear of being thought of as a 'troll', then time to step up. If you are a young guy, whose had the same 'look' for the last ten years (either because you inside on wearing an ugly beard/goatee/moustache, or because you refuse to update your pictures), perhaps it is time to change. We are all so much more than our profile pictures. But, unfortunately, in our little social arena (the bar scene or the Internet) it is the 'look' that is most likely going to catch someones eye first.

We all make a lot of assumptions about the way others think and feel. And many of us have very fragile self-images, so once we've got ourselves 'set' on one, it is hard to change. But, sometimes just a small change is the momentum one needs to foment positive change. A lot of older guys, for example, fear being thought of as 'trollish' if they hit on younger guys. Yet, in the 'daddy/boy' culture, since the 'daddy' is supposed to be dominant, the 'boys' expect the daddy to make the first move. So, what does this cause? Well, nobody moves anywhere. I always tell lonely boys that the 'secret' to meeting daddies, is being willing to take a risk. What have you got to lose? There are way more older daddies looking for 'boys' than vice versa. A well-timed smile, or 'hey' while standing at a bar, might be just the opening needed to start a conversation which otherwise might not ever get a chance.