Buck Up, Princess: You WILL be Attracted to Whom I Think You Should be Attracted!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

You WILL be Attracted to Whom I Think You Should be Attracted!

Why is it that when you specify or state a 'type' preference (for me it is taller, smoother, younger guys, ideally total bottoms) that some guys confuse that 'preference' with an expectation or sense of entitlement to receive the attention of guys of that type? Whenever I post online (DH,SD, MH, Craigs, etc.) I receive all sorts of flaming emails about how unrealistic it is for me to desire who (or is it whom?) I desire? It is as if they (those doing the flaming) get to decide to whom I should be attracted. I don't get that. I don't know about you, casual reader, but I am not capable, not at all, of dating/hooking up/romancing someone to whom I have no attraction. The fact that I have a 'type' in no way indicates that I think I 'deserve' for guys who look like that to desire me, it just means I know what I like. I am, for heaven's sake, a middle aged man, whose been 'dating' etc. for over a quarter of a century. I think by now I have a pretty good sense of what makes 'Mr. Happy' smile. If my 'tastes' are too narrow then I am the one that 'suffers' if I can't find guys who fall into my taste spectrum into whose taste spectrum I also fall. It is the height of pretentiousness for someone else to criticize me for having a preference, and 'demanding' that I change that preference. Sigh, I just don't get it.

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So, Just What is This Blog About?

I am an 'older' guy (early 50's) who prefers to date younger guys (mid-20's to early 40's or so). In the gay community (which is often all about 'labels'), this makes me a 'daddy'. Younger guys who like to date older guys are called 'lads' or 'hunters' or 'boys.' This is referred to as 'inter-generational dating'. This blog is devoted to my experiences with with aging and inter-generational dating, and my thoughts on that topic. It also features general rants about things I find irritating.

Hey, I am an old guy, we have strong opinions about stuff.

NOTE: AS THIS BLOG IS ABOUT DATING, IT THEREFORE INCLUDES SOME MATURE LANGUAGE AND REFERENCES TO SEX AND SEXUAL ACTS. EVERY ATTEMPT IS MADE TO KEEP EITHER ORIGINAL WRITINGS OR CONTENT LINKED FROM OTHER SITES AT THE 'PG' LEVEL. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH THINGS, I APOLOGIZE, AND RESPECTFULLY SUGGEST THAT THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR YOU.

Okay, Before You Start Spewing the Hate....

The Dictionary of Gay Terms defines a daddy/boy relationship as the following:

1. Inter-generational relationships, a relationship where one person prefers a love partner much older than himself or herself, and the other person prefers a love partner much younger. for more information: Male Inter-generational Intimacy (1991) edited by Theo Sandfort, Ph.D.; Edward Brogersma, JD; and Alex van Naerssen, Ph.D.2.

So, when I use the term 'daddy' or I use the term 'boy', I am using those words in the context described above. Never, and I repeat, NEVER to refer to relations involving anybody who is not an adult. This isn't that kind of blog.

What is a Daddy?

A Daddy in gay culture is a slang term meaning a (typically) older man sexually involved in a relationship or having a sexual interest in a younger man. The age gap may differ, but the relationship involves the traditional parental hierarchy of father-son dynamics, the daddy providing emotional support and guidance along with sexual encouragement and nurturing to the inexperienced and vulnerable partner.

Often these relationships are categorized as either "DADDY and boi" or "DAD and son," although this is not absolute, and some relationships prefer no labels. Dad, or Daddy, are completely different from the similarly labeled sugar daddy, although this can sometimes lead to some confusion.

What is a boy?

Boi (plural: bois) is a term used within LGBT and butch and femme communities to refer to a person's sexual and/or gender identities.^[1]^[2] In lesbian communities, there is an increasing acceptance of variant gender expression, as well as allowing people to identify as a boi.^[3]^[4]^[5] The term may denote a number of possibilities that are not mutually exclusive:^[6]

A "boi" is (generally) the younger person who prefers older partners, and is the "boi" in a "daddy and boi" dating, relationship, or sexual situation, where "boy" and "boi", respectively, are used to differentiate between someone who is underage, and someone who just identifies as the younger who wants or needs someone older. In this context, "boi" can be masculine or effeminate, or anywhere along that spectrum, and some males identify as a "boi" well beyond their 20s, and especially so long as they are involved with older men. Often, though not always, a "boi" prefers the submissive role.

The term was also used as a variant of the spelling of boy when one could not register a username (particularly on AOL in the 90s when so many names were already registered) with the normal spelling boy as a part of the name. It was generally picked by younger gay males (commonly called twinks today).

Buck Up, Princess

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

You WILL be Attracted to Whom I Think You Should be Attracted!

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