Subtitle:

An Opinionated Daddy's View of Life

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Top = GOOD, Bottom = BAD, right?

Wrong. I've always been surprised by the lack of respect 'bottoms' get in our culture. I mean, if there weren't bottoms, what would tops do? To me, as a confirmed, total top, like a tennis player, my 'game' improves when I play against a more skilled 'opponent'.

So many guys seem to think that 'bottoming' is somehow 'less' than topping. I don't get it. You see many guys advertise as 'versatile', not because they are versatile, but because for so many in our culture identifying as a 'bottom' is looked down upon. I've never understood this attitude in our culture. Granted we all have our ideas about what a 'good' bottom is. I like submissive, eager to please bottoms ("yes, daddy, do me." "Do me like the b*tch I am." "What can I do to make you happy, daddy?) not bossy, 'power' bottoms who merely want me to be a meat dildo available for their pleasure ("Don't kiss me so hard". "Don't cum in my mouth". "Only f*ck me in X position").

To me, the whole 'top' and 'bottom' cycle is about sharing. Ideally it is about both top and bottom receiving enjoyment and pleasure for the sex act. It is kind of like a circle. The bottom chooses to let the top 'in charge'. It is therefore incumbent upon the top to value and appreciate that opportunity.

Back when I was younger and more ignorant, I used to always think that the top was 'in charge' or that it was incumbent upon him to do the 'chasing'. I was set straight in two separate conversation with two different bottoms at right about the same time. In essence they both made statements along the lines of, "The tops that I pursue......". When I questioned them (again, being young and ignorant, thinking that the top should do all the pursuing), both said (essentially), "look, it boils down to this. You guys like to think you are in charge, but if I don't feel like letting you inside, you aren't getting in there, now are you?"

In some ways, if you think about it, really the idea that the top is 'in charge' is kind of a myth. Sure, we like to think we are in charge. And sure, many bottoms derive much pleasure from being 'used' for someones pleasure, but really, think about it. In that moment, when the bottom is on his knees, sucking for all he is worth, and the top is 'in the zone' (his eyes glazing, his mind totally focused on shooting), who really has the power? When you are behind some hot bottom, his face down, his ass up, presenting that sweet, firm, round boipussy for you to use, and again, in those few seconds toward the 'conclusion' when you are rutting in top of him, like an animal, drooling, grunting, your mind almost blank from the powerful, prehistoric urge to 'breed'....who is really in charge? Who is really in control? It is his prostate that is getting massaged. It is him who has 'given' himself to you, opened himself up to you. You may want to think you are in control. He may want to think the same thing. But really?

I may want my boy to be the 'b*tch', at least in the bedroom (by 'b*tch, I mean, I want him to be a submissive, total bottom). I may want his focus to be on my pleasure, ideally deriving as much pleasure as I in the process. But, to be honest, I may call him 'boy' while f*cking him, but if I didn't really respect and value him, and appreciate the opportunity to mount him, I'd not really want to put my dick inside him.

What would all us confirmed, total tops do, without confirmed total bottoms? I don't know about you, but I'd be miserable. Perhaps you should think about that the next time you are tempted to (or you hear someone) bad mouth bottoms.

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