I saw on REDDIT today, a thread with that title. (How Did You Meet Your Daddy or Boy? ) The thread, submitted ago by daddys_boy88, asking the question, "I know there are a few people in relationships on here and I was just
wondering where people generally meet their partners. I'm just curious
to hear of other people's experiences and I'm sure others are, too. I
would love to hear some good stories here."
I've often wondered the same thing myself. As I've said before, I have tended, in my own socially, dysfunctional way, to meet the guys I date online or through personal ads. I think only 3 times in all my years of chasing tail, have I met guys in social situations which lead to some kind of relationship or another. I met one guy at church...he hit on me. I met another guy at a Halloween party...my little brother called me at the last minute saying, "...you need to find a costume and get to this party...there are people like YOU here..." And, I met my first love at a dance recital...I walked in, told the friend I was with, "I am going to get laid tonight if it kills me." I looked over, saw a cute guy (obviously gay...you know how sometimes, even from across a room, you can just tell) and the rest, as they say, is history.
Sam, my former and likely last young man, and I met on Daddyhunt. We'd cruised each other's profiles a couple of times, each assuming we didn't meet the standards listed by the other. Well, it turned out we were both wrong. Even though he was actually dating someone else at the time and we were just supposed to be 'hook up buddies,' we hit it off and fell in love.
It was really interesting to read the responses.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
The Guyliner: Taking on the Internet One Gay at a Time
The 25 Men You Should Never Date
Posted: 27/12/2012 00:00http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/the-guyliner/the-25-men-you-should-never-date_b_2359141.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay%20Voices
There are so many good guys out there -- you almost need two hands to count them. But in among the gold, is the tin. The sand in your sandwiches, the rain on your parade. The world is full of men you shouldn't date, for every kind of reason.
If only there were some kind of test, or a 'tell', so you could easily divine the dregs from the demigods. There's no magic answer, but if your potential beau is a 'yes' to any of the list below, it may be time to cast your net a little farther.
You should never date a man who...
1. Panic-buys Christmas presents from the Boots '3 for 2' gift department. Nobody needs that much 'body butter', thanks.
2. Has illegible handwriting.
Is he scrawling "love you" or "fuck you"? Who knows?! Special dispensation for doctors. Doctors are hot. Usually.
3. Has a pet name for his car. Or his cock.
Minus another ten points if when he locks his car, he walks away from it and then looks back to check---- well, what, exactly?
4. Says "it's designer" when talking about his clothes.
5. Says 'YOLO' -- even if he's doing it ironically.
6. Refuses to ride shotgun in a minicab.
What else won't this lily-livered lace handkerchief do if he won't do that?
7. Gets embarrassed while tipping his barber.
Not to mention one who fucks his barber in exchange for a free short back & sides.
8. Puts raisins in a curry.
9. Thinks good spelling is more important than sexiness.
A well-spelled word is a thing of beauty, but mealy-mouthed pedantry is the anti-erection.
10. Says "I speak as I find".
11. Says "quelle surprise!"
Unless he's French. Then that hot Gallic bastard can say what the hell he likes.
12. Retweets parody accounts.
Especially all those ones pretending to be the Queen or X Factor alumni.
13. Asks you to 'inbox' him.
14. Expresses surprise at The X Factor result.
The producers decide who's going to win halfway through the run, most years. Why do you care?
15. Drones on about errors/vitriol in the Daily Mail.
Yeah, we get it. The DM is bad and evil and poorly written. Thanks for your brand-new opinion. It doesn't care whether you like its disregard for semicolons, present participles or anyone who isn't a WASPy old fart from Henley-on-Thames.
16. Calls Coca-Cola "fat Coke".
17. Uses a fake name when asked for it in Starbucks.
18. Uses the word 'ledge' when they mean 'legend'.
19. Buys supermarket-brand cling film.
It doesn't cling to the things you want it to.
20. Uses 'methinks' in general conversation.
Unless he's a Jacobean squire roasting a hog on the village green during Michaelmas.
21. Attempts to dress sexily at the gym.
Muscles are the only thing he should be pulling during his workout, not bits of fitness-worshipping fluff.
22. Doesn't laugh when people fall over - unless it's you doing the falling.
Also, doesn't really work if it's old people on icy paths. That's kind of evil.
23. Corrects people's grammar on Grindr.
He's not at a book club; he's there to be brutalised sexually like everybody else. If he wants to look highbrow, maybe he should wear a mortar board in his profile pic.
24. Dresses like an exam invigilator.
It's okay to wash a jumper every now and again. And, no, chenille doesn't feel nice.
25. Is in his 30s and is thrilled to still be asked for ID when buying booze and/or cigarettes.
Yeah, some checkout drone thought they'd have a laugh and ask you if you were over 25; you're not Peter Pan.
And one more for luck...
26. Writes blogs about who you should and shouldn't date
The delicious irony is, of course, that I am a physician without a cure. I'm at least 10 of these men. Well, nine. If you can guess exactly which ones, I owe you a pint.
But once you look the list over, you're highly unlikely to want me for a drinking partner.
I Agree!
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Those Who Can't Do Teach...
So, I think I've reached the 'teacher' stage of my romantic life. As you know if you read my blog with any frequency, I've been single now for well over a year. As the time passes and I find myself dateless, I tend to look back at when I did have a dating life.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have lots of opportunities for sex, just no opportunities for anything more than that. There is, for example, the late-20's country boy who comes by every week or so for some quality 'daddy/laddy' time. I am even in talks with a 21 year old college student to do some intense 'tutoring' sessions.
All of this is fun, or at least it should be, shouldn't it? I mean, I've had sex with some of the sexiest, most amazing guys you can possibly imagine. Unlike many of my peers, I've also had serious relationships in which I've imagined I was loved. It turns out I was substantially wrong, of course, at least in some cases, but still. And in the end, real love or not, each has ended, some abruptly, some with warning, but all have ended.
I find it interesting that my role as 'tutor' has essentially been on-going since I first came out and started f*king guys in 1985. Whether serious, long-term, or hook ups, almost to a one, after taking 'courses' from me, all the boys I still have some sort of connection with have (Sam; my ex who lives down the street; Bad Paul, Craig, Michael, and the list goes on and on) gone on to long term serious relationships. Many, in fact, have gone right from me into the 'love of their life' relationship, meaning they are still together. My ex who lives down the street, for example, was already telling the nelly, borderline retarded, skeez for whom he left me, "I love you," while my ex and I were still living together. So, he's never really even has a single day in his life (at least not since he came out at 29 when he started seeing me).
So, I am proud, I guess, that the guys I've 'taught' have learned their lessons well. I mean, like any 'daddy' it is my job to mentor, teach, and share what I have learned and then, like a mother bird, watch as my little chicks grow their wings and leave the nest. But, as I get older, I wonder if am I really strong enough to keep 'tutoring,' without the opportunity to be in a lasting relationship of my own.
My therapist insists that I am not the issue, rather it is the guys who I date. who can't commit or are too emotionally damaged, or too emotionally immature for a long term relationship. And, it is true that I have always attracted damaged guys, or novices more in love with being in love, than perhaps being in love with me. But really, what is the common denominator in all of this relationship ebb and flow? Me. So, it seems to me that it only makes sense that there must be something wrong with me that causes this churn. Is it that being with me is such a trial, that being with anyone else is better or easier than being with me? Is it that I am such a good teacher, that once I've 'taught' someone, they make great boyfriends, ready to be snatched up by someone else?
Sometimes I feel like a stereotype out of a chick flick. Like, Meg Ryan or Carrie Bradshaw. I've heard, 'it isn't you, it's me' so many times, I should have cards printed up that I hand out on every first date, so if things go well, he'll have it in his wallet to pull out when the time is right, or if it doesn't work out, he can hand it to me in lieu of a good night kiss.
I know some of the most repulsive people, true ogres, who are happily partnered. Like my former boss. She is both physically repulsive (she is the only person I've ever met who is both a pizza face...her face is so pocked it looks like she has leprosy...and a butter face, she wears so much makeup that her wretched skin looks like it is sliding off of her skull, all at the same time). She has a personality which is so evil that knowing her makes me glad I believe there is a hell, since I know she is bound there on a fast train. Yet, she not only has friends (which is hard to believe, since she is such a vile human being) but is also involved in a seemingly happy relationship. I mean, for heaven's sake, if someone that ugly and loathsome can have a long-term, loving relationship, shouldn't I be able to as well?
I am starting to feel like Mr. Chips, never destined for a long-term relationship of his own, rather his worth is in the 'students' he teaches and sends off into the world.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I still have lots of opportunities for sex, just no opportunities for anything more than that. There is, for example, the late-20's country boy who comes by every week or so for some quality 'daddy/laddy' time. I am even in talks with a 21 year old college student to do some intense 'tutoring' sessions.
All of this is fun, or at least it should be, shouldn't it? I mean, I've had sex with some of the sexiest, most amazing guys you can possibly imagine. Unlike many of my peers, I've also had serious relationships in which I've imagined I was loved. It turns out I was substantially wrong, of course, at least in some cases, but still. And in the end, real love or not, each has ended, some abruptly, some with warning, but all have ended.
I find it interesting that my role as 'tutor' has essentially been on-going since I first came out and started f*king guys in 1985. Whether serious, long-term, or hook ups, almost to a one, after taking 'courses' from me, all the boys I still have some sort of connection with have (Sam; my ex who lives down the street; Bad Paul, Craig, Michael, and the list goes on and on) gone on to long term serious relationships. Many, in fact, have gone right from me into the 'love of their life' relationship, meaning they are still together. My ex who lives down the street, for example, was already telling the nelly, borderline retarded, skeez for whom he left me, "I love you," while my ex and I were still living together. So, he's never really even has a single day in his life (at least not since he came out at 29 when he started seeing me).
So, I am proud, I guess, that the guys I've 'taught' have learned their lessons well. I mean, like any 'daddy' it is my job to mentor, teach, and share what I have learned and then, like a mother bird, watch as my little chicks grow their wings and leave the nest. But, as I get older, I wonder if am I really strong enough to keep 'tutoring,' without the opportunity to be in a lasting relationship of my own.
My therapist insists that I am not the issue, rather it is the guys who I date. who can't commit or are too emotionally damaged, or too emotionally immature for a long term relationship. And, it is true that I have always attracted damaged guys, or novices more in love with being in love, than perhaps being in love with me. But really, what is the common denominator in all of this relationship ebb and flow? Me. So, it seems to me that it only makes sense that there must be something wrong with me that causes this churn. Is it that being with me is such a trial, that being with anyone else is better or easier than being with me? Is it that I am such a good teacher, that once I've 'taught' someone, they make great boyfriends, ready to be snatched up by someone else?
Sometimes I feel like a stereotype out of a chick flick. Like, Meg Ryan or Carrie Bradshaw. I've heard, 'it isn't you, it's me' so many times, I should have cards printed up that I hand out on every first date, so if things go well, he'll have it in his wallet to pull out when the time is right, or if it doesn't work out, he can hand it to me in lieu of a good night kiss.
I know some of the most repulsive people, true ogres, who are happily partnered. Like my former boss. She is both physically repulsive (she is the only person I've ever met who is both a pizza face...her face is so pocked it looks like she has leprosy...and a butter face, she wears so much makeup that her wretched skin looks like it is sliding off of her skull, all at the same time). She has a personality which is so evil that knowing her makes me glad I believe there is a hell, since I know she is bound there on a fast train. Yet, she not only has friends (which is hard to believe, since she is such a vile human being) but is also involved in a seemingly happy relationship. I mean, for heaven's sake, if someone that ugly and loathsome can have a long-term, loving relationship, shouldn't I be able to as well?
I am starting to feel like Mr. Chips, never destined for a long-term relationship of his own, rather his worth is in the 'students' he teaches and sends off into the world.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
"Fill the World With Love" (Petula Clark, Boys Chorus)
Uploaded on Oct 9, 2010
Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1969 film)
[ available to purchase http://amzn.com/B00005JO3W ]
Goodbye, Mr. Chips is a 1969 American musical film directed by Herbert Ross. The screenplay by Terence Rattigan is based on James Hilton's 1934 novella of the same name, which originally was adapted for the screen in 1939.
[ available to purchase http://amzn.com/B00005JO3W ]
Goodbye, Mr. Chips is a 1969 American musical film directed by Herbert Ross. The screenplay by Terence Rattigan is based on James Hilton's 1934 novella of the same name, which originally was adapted for the screen in 1939.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Speaking of Dating Sites....
Okay, I admit it, I have profiles listed on Match.com; Chemistry.com; Gaydating.com; and even on OKCupid. Results? Zilch, zero, nada, Nichivo. I am especially surprised at the 'matches' that each of the 'cupids' used by these sights sends me.
On Gaydating, for example, I am sent daily a list of matches. When I check out those matches, inevitably that individual's profile states he seeks someone like:
Okay, so I prefer 'stocky' or 'beefy' to 'large', but still.
Anyway, it would seem clear that of the qualities my 'match' lists, I only possess only one: I am white. So, just how in the heck are we a 'match'. Puzzled, I sent the following message to their customer service:
This is more a comment. Why is it I receive "New Match - Meet Username" when I clearly don't meet that individual's criteria, usually age. In the bulk of such invitations I've received, the user clearly states a preference, usually age, that I don't meet. So, it is a waste of my time to even respond. That seems like a pretty obvious criteria by which the system should be screening people.
Their response (in part):
In response to your concern, the cupid matches are set up to find new members in your general location and age range. If there aren't any members who meet these criteria the cupid matches will send you the members who are closest to fitting the specified criteria....
I am hardly the sharpest tool in the shed, but it would seem like no matter what it is that I might seek, if I don't meet even the most basic of his stated requirements, we can hardly be a match.
To be honest, I'd rather not get 'matches' with whom I am not a match. Granted, that might mean I never receive any messages, but still. I mean, for heaven's sake...I get that the 'cupid' can only know and match some of the most basic stuff which appears in a profile...it can't sort by whether or not the guy has nice feet, or whether or not my thumb is a good example of what it is my d*ck looks like...but, shouldn't it be able to tell that is I am 'large' and '50' and he seeks someone skinny, 35 or under, or vise versa?
This disconnect would seem to make the whole idea of listing what qualities we seek and what qualities we possess moot.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
On Gaydating, for example, I am sent daily a list of matches. When I check out those matches, inevitably that individual's profile states he seeks someone like:
My Partner's Looks
-
18 - 35
- Native American, Asian, African/Black, Hispanic/Latino, Middle Eastern, Bi-Racial, Pacific Islander, Caucasian/White
- Athletic, Average, Muscular, Slim
- Black, Dark Brown, Light Blonde, Auburn/Red
-
50
- Large
Okay, so I prefer 'stocky' or 'beefy' to 'large', but still.
Anyway, it would seem clear that of the qualities my 'match' lists, I only possess only one: I am white. So, just how in the heck are we a 'match'. Puzzled, I sent the following message to their customer service:
This is more a comment. Why is it I receive "New Match - Meet Username" when I clearly don't meet that individual's criteria, usually age. In the bulk of such invitations I've received, the user clearly states a preference, usually age, that I don't meet. So, it is a waste of my time to even respond. That seems like a pretty obvious criteria by which the system should be screening people.
Their response (in part):
In response to your concern, the cupid matches are set up to find new members in your general location and age range. If there aren't any members who meet these criteria the cupid matches will send you the members who are closest to fitting the specified criteria....
I am hardly the sharpest tool in the shed, but it would seem like no matter what it is that I might seek, if I don't meet even the most basic of his stated requirements, we can hardly be a match.
To be honest, I'd rather not get 'matches' with whom I am not a match. Granted, that might mean I never receive any messages, but still. I mean, for heaven's sake...I get that the 'cupid' can only know and match some of the most basic stuff which appears in a profile...it can't sort by whether or not the guy has nice feet, or whether or not my thumb is a good example of what it is my d*ck looks like...but, shouldn't it be able to tell that is I am 'large' and '50' and he seeks someone skinny, 35 or under, or vise versa?
This disconnect would seem to make the whole idea of listing what qualities we seek and what qualities we possess moot.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Civility is as Civility Does
December 8 at 6:14pm
... looking forward...... to more good word...
... in your blog...
... pray you well...
... and if spirits fell...
... only into pools...
... of grace...
blessings.
laeth
I don't know who this, "laeth" fellow is...but by golly it is sure nice when I hear from him. Not because he likes my blog, etc., but he just seems like an awfully nice fellow. Sending nice thoughts to a stranger over the internet. Wow, that is really different...usually it is just mean-spirited jabs sent by anonymous cyber thugs who glory in being able to attack folks without repercussion.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Buck Up, Princess Named a Top 100 LGBT Marriage, Dating and Relationship Blog!
I don't know if this is significant, but Buck Up, Princess has been named a top 100 LBGT marriage, dating, and relationship blog, by GayDatingSites.net.
GayDatingSites.net is written by Joseph Atkins, who (according to his blog) loves blogging about relationships and dating. The site focuses mostly on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender dating and gives recommendations on dating sites to join and blogs to read for the LGBT community.
http://www.gaydatingsites.net/top-100-lgbt-marriage-dating-and-relationship-blogs/
Perhaps you should check it out?
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
GayDatingSites.net is written by Joseph Atkins, who (according to his blog) loves blogging about relationships and dating. The site focuses mostly on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender dating and gives recommendations on dating sites to join and blogs to read for the LGBT community.
http://www.gaydatingsites.net/top-100-lgbt-marriage-dating-and-relationship-blogs/
Perhaps you should check it out?
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The Forgivness Factor #3
Author's note: second in a series of 3.
When you experience a breakup, especially if you both feel that continued contact is important, it is vital to stop tearing each other up. It isn't good for either of you Do you each need to be introspective about what you've done wrong and right, about how you behaved, yes.
Should you learn from any mistakes that were made, yes. But, if you continue to tear yourselves up
over what was supposed to be something good (the love you shared), all that will do is taint it and ruin it.
If you've loves someone and it was a 'good' love, it seems to me that together or not there is a need for the love to have meant
something. No matter how things ended up, it is important that the love was a
'good' love, a healthy one, and one that deserves to be cherished. I am sorry
if believing those things make me seem like a needy desperado, but this is what I believe.
For
all the pain and heartache I am experiencing with then end of my relationship (or at least the romantic part thereof) I am currently experiencing, I wouldn't trade it what we had. I just wouldn't. Being with him didn't make me happy, nobody could do that.
But, being in that relationship allowed me to express the happiness I bury deep inside. No
relationship is perfect, and breakups are almost never so. And, perhaps with
the distance in time, things seem much 'rosier' than they actually were. But,
being with him brought a joy and spirit that my life was sorely lacking. He made me feel
sexy, made me take myself less seriously, and made me experience new
things. And, the most important: he seemed to 'get' me. He was able to look past the gruff, grumpy, rumpled, old military officer to find the loving person I tend to hide. With all of he turmoil and chaos we are currently experiencing, during all of our introspection, I am pushing that we don't forget all the good things. It is important for those things to have been real.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Maria Men - The Art of Forgiveness
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
After You Were Mine
‘a little bit’ stuart crowther
http://bencilkimyon.tumblr.com/post/23863963734/a-little-bit-stuart-crowther
after you were mine,
I wondered what happened
after you were mine.
but.no.
not mine.
not a shrewd as belonging, not as finite as possession-
rather I
borrowed you for a while,
but
less like the replacement for some faulty appliance
more like a treasured acquisition - a tome,
housed in a library somewhere I’ll never visit but might think of
on some idle morning as the kettle boils and
letters drop forlornly to the mat
and I catch myself…sometimes…I’m
thinking - on a rainy weekend or a broken tuesday
which seems fit for little else -
wondering where you are, and who’s borrowed you now
who’s inhaling the scent of your pages and adding a
sentence or two.
in a cursive script,
much neater than mine.
i remember the shape of you, sketch the illustration, but blur the edges
imagine a technicolor version where there was really
only a limited palate
as limited as my own
at the time.
but we painted each other in primary tones,
stuck to the lines,
caring nothing for the shades and the scribbles that would follow with time
and with age.
i kept you intact for a while,
painstakingly guarding your covers then
passed you on
a good sport
to someone else, who could decipher your wisdom,
a specialist in text I couldn’t read any more
after you are mine,
I wondered.
who you’d lend yourself to
and hoped his hands were clean.
COMMENT: I came across this video on Youtube, then searched for this poem which appears at the end of the video. The poem struck me very intensely. I am not much for poetry, but sometimes a poem (or a song, or a video, or other piece of art) just hits the mark about how you feel or think about something that is happening or has happened in your life. For me, this immediately evoked my feelings about Sam and the new bloke to whom he has 'lent' himself. I hope that bloke realizes how lucky is he. I knew how lucky was I when I, "borrowed" Sam for a time.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
after you were mine,
I wondered what happened
after you were mine.
but.no.
not mine.
not a shrewd as belonging, not as finite as possession-
rather I
borrowed you for a while,
but
less like the replacement for some faulty appliance
more like a treasured acquisition - a tome,
housed in a library somewhere I’ll never visit but might think of
on some idle morning as the kettle boils and
letters drop forlornly to the mat
and I catch myself…sometimes…I’m
thinking - on a rainy weekend or a broken tuesday
which seems fit for little else -
wondering where you are, and who’s borrowed you now
who’s inhaling the scent of your pages and adding a
sentence or two.
in a cursive script,
much neater than mine.
i remember the shape of you, sketch the illustration, but blur the edges
imagine a technicolor version where there was really
only a limited palate
as limited as my own
at the time.
but we painted each other in primary tones,
stuck to the lines,
caring nothing for the shades and the scribbles that would follow with time
and with age.
i kept you intact for a while,
painstakingly guarding your covers then
passed you on
a good sport
to someone else, who could decipher your wisdom,
a specialist in text I couldn’t read any more
after you are mine,
I wondered.
who you’d lend yourself to
and hoped his hands were clean.
COMMENT: I came across this video on Youtube, then searched for this poem which appears at the end of the video. The poem struck me very intensely. I am not much for poetry, but sometimes a poem (or a song, or a video, or other piece of art) just hits the mark about how you feel or think about something that is happening or has happened in your life. For me, this immediately evoked my feelings about Sam and the new bloke to whom he has 'lent' himself. I hope that bloke realizes how lucky is he. I knew how lucky was I when I, "borrowed" Sam for a time.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
The Forgiveness Factor #2
Author's note: second in a series of 3.
One of the things that is hardest to do is too look someone in the eye that you feel you've wronged in some way. It can cause embarrassment or shamed or wounded pride. In experiencing any of these feelings, or other related feelings, it is important not to resent the person. Self preservation often makes people 'blame the victim.' Natural it might be, health it isn't. If someone loves you, if he has any level of maturity, will likely believe those feelings are unnecessary.
If the love is/was real, you will remain, right or wrong, a major
part of his life. You may moving onward and upward, and perhaps chaos, turmoil, and recrimination may be a way of breaking the emotional ties that bind the two of you together. Again, not healthy.
If, having hurt someone without meaning to do so, you may believe you don't deserve continued love or connection. You may even somehow come to
resent the 'lover' for being willing to continue loving you, even though you've caused so much pain. Well, those feelings are on you. I wrote recently in my
blog that I am someone that needs to give love. Granted, I'd like to be someone
who is loved, but to me that is secondary to the giving of love. Needing to give love is a powerful thing. For me, I continue to love and care about each of the men I've loved. Maybe that is
selfish on my part. Maybe in a way, by taking out the need to give love, it cause too much
pressure and strain, making an end to the connection harder.
I don't know. For me, though, telling someone I love them means that I do. I am the one, for heaven's sake, who lives in a house 80 feet away from the man I spent 10 years with, who dumped me for some borderline, retarded, nelly, skeez with whom he took up while I was away at the war. Yet, we still see each other regularly and he even keeps one of the cars (and a couple of assorted motorcycles) in may garage. Weird, perhaps. But, for me love may change, but it never disappears entirely.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Lee Fields and the Expressions, "Still Hanging On"
Sunday, October 7, 2012
The Forgiveness Factor #1
As you all know, if you read this blog with any frequency, I am currently undergoing some turmoil with the lad I have loved. While we are no longer a couple, and he has found someone new, we are struggling to define what is our new relationship and how we fit into the lives of the other. During our heart wrenching conversations, we've talked about a range of topics, a big one being forgiveness. the Forgiveness Factor posts represent how I feel about forgiveness, in the context of our relationship.
While it hasn't been sought, the topic of whether or not I can be forgiving of any hurt I may be experiencing has been front and center in our discussions. I don't think he needs my forgiveness. If
he loved me (or still does, in one way or another), and he was sincere in that love, no matter how it
played out or other issues that revolved around it, it is the love that is important, not the havoc.
We all make mistakes and we all act in ways that meaning to or not hurt others.
It is human. If he wants my forgiveness, he can have it. It is freely offered and
freely given. In Christianity, and in most other major religions, in one form or another, one
of the major tenets is 'treat others as you treat yourself.' I know if he'd
been hurt by something I said or did, no matter how I intended it, I would want his understanding and his forgiveness. So, I am trying to treat him as I would like to be
treated myself. I need to stop being so
judgmental and self-righteousness. I also need to learn not be so 'blaming' and
so obsessive about past injuries. It isn't healthy for me and I just don't have
the strength. I don't want to lose his respect, and if being forgiving (or
feeling like forgiveness isn't required) causes him to lose respect for me,
makes me seem like a wimp, or a desperado, well that is his issue to deal with,
not mine.
At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.
Carina Round, "Pick Up The Phone"
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