Or is it? Lately the practice of barebacking (or 'breeding' as it is often described in chat and in online postings) seems to be becoming more and more common. Not that this is news, of course, but, like many things, in the context of the 'daddy/boy' relationship, it has a different connotation or context. Like most guys of my generation, I learned that bb-ing was 'bad'. That it was too risky. As part of the whole 'risk reduction' experience, we were all supposed to use condoms every time, with everyone. We were only 'allowed' to bb in the context of a serious, long term, 'monogamous', relationship. In my experience, this practise was often given more lip service than anything else. Couples would date for a few short weeks, then suddenly declare themselves 'coupled' and begin bb-ing with abandon. As you can read in some of my previous posts, I don't believe couples should be so quick to declare 'monogamy', as too many people cannot live to this standard and therefore end up cheating. All you have to do is look at the Craigslist M4M personals to see how many 'happily partnered' guys are seeking extra curricular entertainment.
In my opinion (and remember blogging is all about sharing one's opinions), bb-ing is not something one should rush into or do casually. Have I always been perfect on this score, alas, no. Everybody has 'weak' moments, I'd be lying if I said I'd never had such a moment, one in which for one reason or another 'in the moment' putting on a condom didn't happen. Trust me, I understand the power, bordering on compulsion that makes you want to f*ck without a condom. I think, perhaps this is a topic for another blog entry, that, like straight guys, gay guys have the biological 'need' to spread their seed. We know logically that conception can't occur in the type of physical acts in which we participate, but that 'need to breed' still seems to be present. That said, shouldn't there be somethings that makes sex with your 'boy' special or different than with others? I think so.
When I am having a deep philosophical conversation on this topic (which I often do in online venues where older and younger guys come together), I often express that part of the whole 'daddy/boy' thing is about a depth of 'sharing' , that is in a way different than in other man-to-man relationships. I cannot be your 'daddy' and you cannot be my 'boy', unless we share the same DNA. Of course, that isn't possible, except through the 'unsafe' (as we used to say in my day) sharing of bodily fluids. A level of intimacy is achieved through this sharing, which makes the relationship seem special and unique. Most of the 'boys' with whom I chat seem to feel the same way. Or, at least they say so while chatting with me.
So, if so many people think along these lines, why is there so much bb-ing going on? I think, like any relationship, when we create this kind of bond, we are trying to fulfill some need deep within ourselves that we can't fill in any other way. If this need is so deep and so important, shouldn't it only be shared with someone special enough or important enough in your life to make it worth the risk? I think so.
Have I always been as safe as I could be, no. Have I been very lucky that I've not gotten nor shared any serious STD's, yes. Will I always be this lucky? I hope so but who knows? Still, I'd encourage all of you to give this idea some thought and see if perhaps, the next time you find yourself 'in the moment', you'll at least take a second and consider whether or not it is the right time and the right situation in which bb-ing is right for you.
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